General Question

The_Inquisitor's avatar

Do you play hard to get or are attracted to that?

Asked by The_Inquisitor (3158points) October 13th, 2010

Well, would you find another person more attractive if they played hard to get?

Directness vs hard to get?

When you like someone, or when someone likes you, is it better to show your full interest in them, no hiding of feelings?

Let’s say, a girl liked another guy. Would it be more successful if she were to just directly tell him that she liked him, or showed some interest but not all of it? (sorry for my terrible descriptions right now, I can’t think of good wordings at the moment.)

What do you prefer, and what do you do? (or did you do..)

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35 Answers

Rubrica's avatar

Well, if you want to be practical, then it’s not a good idea, of course. Nevertheless, I imagine there’s something intriguing about someone who makes you put in a lot of effort for them. Of course, I also imagine that some people would just give up. My guess would be that a little flirting but no direct moves for a little while would be a good balance. Who knows, I’m no relationship expert.

MissAnthrope's avatar

Funny you should ask this question, as I was just reading a study on whether playing hard-to-get actually works. The answer is not really. It’s a turn-off for most and while some people may be intrigued for a bit, they quickly grow bored and move on.

My personal opinion is that game playing sucks, for the most part. I hate people that play games with me and I would much rather they be direct, for good or bad. I’m a very straight-forward person, myself. Obviously, you can’t, like, scream you love the person right away or anything like that, you have to take it slowly, but I appreciate the genuineness of someone expressing some form of liking toward me. As for myself, if I really like someone, there’s no way I could stuff that down entirely.

The_Inquisitor's avatar

@MissAnthrope, nicely said. =D. And I’m glad to hear that, because I also like to be direct.

downtide's avatar

I play impossibly hard to get because I’m not on the market.

However if I was, and a girl was playing hard to get with me, I wouldn’t notice that she was in any way interensted in me, I would assume she wasn’t, and I wouldn’t even bother trying to get anywhere with her. Not even really a case of giving up, I just wouldn’t even start.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

I’m married, so this really doesn’t matter to me anymore. I like a little bit of flirtatious cat and mouse, I prefer to be the mouse. Beyond being flirtatious it is a waste of time.

Scooby's avatar

Yeah what @MissAnthrope said, I just get bored after a couple of days, playing hard to get is just a little immature IMO, especially around my age group, by the time you hit forty there’s no time like the present ;-)
If I like a woman & I really want to take things further, I tell her…. I much prefer a firm yes or no, or even a lets see how it goes for a couple of weeks & I’m the same too, there’s no messing around. I like to know where I stand, as I’m sure most women do too :-/
Being single is by no means an indication that your desperate for love & affection. so why string someone along if the interest is there? :-/
Let the games begin after you hook up, it’s a lot more fun when neither one is in the dark… :-/

Kraigmo's avatar

I give up very quick. I feel like I’m harassing a woman if I flirt more than twice with no response to it. Isn’t that harassment? Seems like it should be. I don’t understand the hard-to-get routine. I put hard-to-get into the same category as “doesn’t want me” and I move on very quick.

I’m not talking about shyness, which is natural and is not annoying.

augustlan's avatar

Playing hard to get only gets you the people who are intrigued by what they can’t have. Once they have you, you won’t fit that category anymore, so they won’t be intrigued by you for long. Be honest, though use discretion.

Zyx's avatar

Hard to get doesn’t exist, how hard can you be when the only context is to “get” you.

GingerMinx's avatar

No, I think game playing in a relationship is the quickest way to end up single.

flutherother's avatar

I like directness and honesty in people. Playing hard to get I would interpret as being uninterested and so I would not even try. As I am a bit shy I need encouragement to form a relationship.

BoBo1946's avatar

@MissAnthrope totally agree. Games are for children.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

I don’t find it alluring and have never played the game. In observing a few people who have, it doesn’t seem to have worked in the long run for the reason @augustlan gave. It would be interesting to hear from someone who has and it turned into a long-term relationship.

nebule's avatar

I don’t see the point in playing hard to get..it flies in the face of honesty in my opinion..if you like someone just show it…but don’t rush in

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I like directness when it comes to that.Say what you mean or shut the fuck up XD

JustmeAman's avatar

You should be direct or lose out. Most will not spend the time to find out more if they don’t see something there.

Jude's avatar

I don’t play hard to get, nor do I go after hard to get ladies.

Deja_vu's avatar

I don’t play around. If I like someone I don’t put up a front. I’ll just be me, and no I’m not attacted to that. If they are playing hard to get they are not worth my time.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

I have never tried anything so I actually dont know

Winters's avatar

Whatever it takes to get into her pants, that’s the beauty of not having a set personality. =D

Axemusica's avatar

I’m not sure if I have every played hard to get or if someone was playing hard to get with me. I don’t understand the motivation to do such things. If I was playing hard to get, I was unaware because I probably wasn’t interested. If she was playing hard to get I didn’t notice because I probably lost interest.

If you like someone, tell them. If they feel the same, they’ll let you know. Stupid relationshit games are nothing but headache.

As of now, I’ve given up on any pursuit of woman, so this might be misconstrued as playing hard to get if in fact I was being pursued, but I’m not, I don’t think… See now, that very sentence could explain a lot. Not having any interest in said person who’s trying to pursue very well may have lead to playing hard to get, when in reality they weren’t.

I think it’s a phrase that just came to be…
Frank: “So, are you trying to hook up with Cleo?”
Bob: “No. I think she’s playing hard to get.”
Mean while in the woman’s bathroom
Betty: “I’m pretty sure Bob likes you cleo.”
Cleo: “Who the hell is Bob & why does he like me?”

kenmc's avatar

I’m not a fan. I have somewhat low self esteem and I just take it as her not being interested. So it’s a missed opportunity and makes me feel bad.

free_fallin's avatar

Life’s too short to beat around the bush.

Response moderated (Off-Topic)
flutherother's avatar

I apparently play very hard to get but not deliberately.

Response moderated (Off-Topic)
Loried2008's avatar

I always found playing hard to get annoying because you often times can see right through it. It’s too childish for an adult and isn’t very becoming.

shoebox's avatar

playing hard to get is playing games… and personally, I hate playing games. and I do not respect people who use others at their expense.. and people who do are low. low. low.

Paradox's avatar

I’m a direct person and I expect that from any woman I would consider dating (unless they are shy). According to America’s leading dating expert Evan Marc Katz most men apparently love the challenge or chase. I’m not sure how he became so popular with this philosophy since most guys I knew do not enjoy games either. In fact if you read his blogs he actually encourages women to play hard to get and so do many other so-called dating experts.

classykeyser's avatar

I mean, really, do people really believe we have time to fuck around? Life is much shorter than anyone realizes.

Paradox's avatar

@classykeyser That’s my take on this. There are enough challenging aspects of life outside of dealing with it when it comes to dating.

I also don’t appreciate it when these so-called “dating experts” talk like they’re speaking for me or most other guys when they don’t. The majority of dating advice out there encourages these games. I called Evan out on this claim on one of his blogs and now he doesn’t send me email notifications no more. People make money off of other people’s desperation. If more people were straightforward with each other (when it comes to dating) then these “experts” wouldn’t be making money selling their crap anymore.

The_Inquisitor's avatar

@Paradox; I agree on how “people make money off of other people’s desperation”. It’s a good line, haha, I’ll probably be using that again.

shoebox's avatar

starting a relationship is not a game, if you want them you want them, if they want you they want you. no one gives a crap about how hard you wanna play ‘hard to get’ just so you can get attention…. what the fuck? people who do that kind of stuff, especially when they try and play games with some one who is already in a relationship should get a fucking life.

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