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shoebox's avatar

How to deal with my fiance's parents?

Asked by shoebox (517points) October 17th, 2010

My boyfriend and I are engaged, we are both 20 years old and currently studying at University. Just recently his parents found out he was engaged, he even said it directly that he wasn’t joking either. We both know what it means to make such a serious comitment.

His parents don’t know me very well, neither do my parents know my ‘fiance’ very well. His parents were shocked and angry so they said some horrible things about us, but I’m sure they are just worried and want whats best for him. I’m a pretty timid person and I hate confrontations or causing problems so I’m really unsure how to handle this situation. We are young but we plan to wait a couple of years, preferably after studying and finding proper jobs..depending on when the right time comes along.

any advice/help will be appreciated :) thanks.

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6 Answers

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

You are doing the mature thing by showing empathy in how your fiancĂ©‘s parents might feel about the situation. Most parents worry about their child marrying too young and not finishing their education. Parents want their children to succeed. Throwing in the factor that they do not know you very well doesn’t help with their concerns.

It is your fiancĂ©‘s responsibility to deal with his parents’ attitude about the engagement. All you need to do is continue to love and respect him. Hopefully, as time passes and you have the opportunity to be with the parents more, they will let down their guard and realize how happy the two of you make each other.

shoebox's avatar

@Pied_Pfeffer thanks for the advice,
yeah, I agree with everything you said, I already knew it but I guess I just needed to be sure of myself. Most likely over time they will feel more comfortable about this.
Also we are deffinitly not leaving university, we are studying no matter what… we just have to wait after studying to do anything in life together

marinelife's avatar

Have your fiance tell his parents (if he did not already) what your plans are for marrying in a couple of years.

As to the horrible things they said, were you present for them? Did you hear them or did they only say them to their son? If the former, he has to stand up to his parents and tell them they cannot speak like that to you as his fiancee. If the latter, you need to pretend that you never heard the things they said. They were just venting to their son.

The important hing here is your fiance’s attitude toward all of this. How he interacts with and handles his parents will tell you a lot about the kind of man you are planning to marry.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

How soon can you and your fiance visit his parents so you call can meet? I think they reacted pretty predictably and what @marinelife writes is crucial- how your fiance is going to deal with his parents over this.

shoebox's avatar

@marinelife and @Neizvestnaya

Thanks for the advice,
I wasn’t present at the time, he only told me what they said when he came over to visit me.
He told his parents to not say those things but when they get angry at him he usually takes it well and he didnt take it to heart. He knows what they are like… Also I understand completely they are just been parents, angry and worried…
He’s explained breifly that we dont plan to get married until later on, so I guess… from what i have gathered from everything things will work out in time… even my parents will need time when they realise im serious, though they were really nice when they heard about it haha… still worried though, but only time will let them get more comfortable.

josie's avatar

If they don’t know, your parents don’t know him and the future in laws do not know each other, how can you expect them to be pleased? Unless it is your wish that they play act in order to please you. Good parents probably would not pretend.

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