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Jude's avatar

Say that you had to be around someone who treated your loved one (spouse/partner, family member, friend) poorly, how would you act around them? How would you deal with it?

Asked by Jude (32131points) October 20th, 2010

Say, it was their co-worker, or another family member, or a friend who treated them like crap.

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15 Answers

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

If my loved one didn’t stand up for themselves, you better be damned sure I’d step in and put my foot down. I may be timid when it comes to a lot of things, but protecting my loved ones? No holds barred.


First, I’d try to convince my loved one to re-consider the relationship, make my loved one open his/her eyes to the abuse. If that didn’t work, I’d then step in and tell them the abuser what I think and that he/she better stop the mistreatment.

tearsxsolitude's avatar

I’d start sending subtle hints that you don’t like them and you don’t like the way they treat your SO and that they better back off. If that doesn’t work I’d say right out how you feel about how they treat ur loved one.

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Cruiser's avatar

THAT is a tough question if I have ever seen one! A job is one thing where they (and you) may be dependent on the job, paycheck and benefits just to get by and enduring grief there may be what is needed to be supported by all involved. Family member issues may involve the spouse of a dear family member and again having to keep the peace so their lives are not made worse. In any and all cases though I would not stand idle and not make it clear that they/them/the situation is all wrong and not just stand idly by. I would give the offending party notice that they are not on my favorites list and to not expect a Christmas Card and do everything in my power to defuse or stay away from toxic people like that. LITS to let blood sucking leech people affect yours or your loved ones lives!

WestRiverrat's avatar

If it was a family member or a friend, they would be out the door, or I would be. Friends and family will at least be civil to my spouse/partner.

A coworker, it would depend on how much we needed the income. At the minimum looking for a new job to replace the current job.

Jude's avatar

@Cruiser In this instance, it’s a co-worker. He lives to make her (my g/f’s) work life miserable. My g/f is thinking about talking to her boss about it. I hope that she does.

Unfortunately, I have to see this fucktard of a co-worker at a Christmas party in Nov (yes, I know that it’s early), I’ll be cordial, but, underneath, seething.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

My sister is in this situation. Her father-in-law is just plain evil. He abused his daughter and treats his wife wretchedly. My sister is a strong woman and put her foot down that none of the bad behavior was to take place in her house. He no longer goes to her house, because he knows he can’t get away with his shit.

@mama_cakes : If this is happening on company time, then the boss needs to know. He can’t change what he’s unaware of.

YARNLADY's avatar

I’m a “speak up” kind of person, so there would probably be a lot of friction.

Cruiser's avatar

@mama_cakes You are in that proverbial rock and a hard place and knowing you….you already have planned out, given the opportunity, what a well placed kick in the nads would do to remedy the situation. Take pictures when you do!! ;)

deni's avatar

If it was a family member or anyone close to me, I would, first, be pissed, then say something to them and try to resolve whatever the problem was. If it was someone not close, I would just treat them like shit back.

AGN's avatar

It is HIS family, and we simply avoid them as much as possible and put up with it when we have to be around them for family functions. I try to shelter my kids from seeing it. love him and support him and believe in him, which is more than they do. That’s about the best I can do.
You can’t choose the family you are born into, you can just make the best of it.

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Neizvestnaya's avatar

I have had to deal with co workers talking crap about my guy since at one time he did work where I do. The tough thing was no one knew we were a couple so I got to see some true colors I wouldn’t have otherwise. Now that people know about us the attitude is so much different, several of the previous shite talkers often offer their regards to my guy- I take it with a grain of salt. These people don’t break bread with me, they don’t come under my roof, they don’t hang out with me so in essence, they really don’t matter beyond temporary irritation.

smilingheart1's avatar

Actually, we had that very scenario! Many years ago my mother would do that to my husband who was just a great guy—regularly saying sarcastic things or needling humor that was just below the surface so that you could never get at it for what it was worth. Eventually I couldn’t take it any longer and confronted her privately. It took a bit for the smoke to clear but it turns out, so we discovered, that the reason she treated him that way was that he was easy going and “safe” therefore since she didn’t have the emotional background with him that she did with myself and siblings. So, he was kind of a deflector for her negative emotions which go back before the dawn of man. Over a period of time she began to see for herself what she was doing and became very loving and supportive to the whole family group and even gave my husband an endearing nickname. This to me was one of the greatest victories of our family life years: this healing of hearts and personalities and becoming a healthy family unit from stem to stern.

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