Would you want to get advice on something like how to dress?
I recently started dating a guy whom I like a lot. When I introduced him to one of my friends, she commented that he doesn’t dress very well.
I guess this is true. He doesn’t look sloppy or messy, just… not very put-together. I doubt this is holding him back in his life or having any real negative impact on him, so it makes me feel shallow to consider saying something.
However, I think if he made a few simple changes, he would look substantially better. For instance, even his dress clothes are way too baggy—and he is a fit guy, and could get away with showing that off a little more!
So my motives in giving him this advice are not very admirable, but I do think ultimately he’d benefit from it.
Would you want to get advice like this? What’s the best way to deliver it?
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14 Answers
I say leave him alone. If he asks for advice on what to wear, then speak up.
You’re trying to date this person? Now is not the time.
@mostlyclueless That you can do any time. The changing his style will come when you’re in ‘a relationship’.
Butt out, it’s none of your business. If it bugs you, then you shouldn’t be dating this guy – a relationship where you want to change the other person isn’t a healthy one. If there’s a certain event you want him to dress a certain way, you might be able to say “let me pick up a suit/tux for you” that you like. But other than that, leave it alone. He is who he is, take him or leave him.
@Simone_De_Beauvoir: Ah ha, I misunderstood! Thank you.
@papayalily: I guess I’m not explaining myself well. It doesn’t really bother me (like I said, my friend had to point it out for me to even notice), and I very much hope to continue dating him. I’m wondering, though, if it’s possible for this kind of advice to take the form of constructive criticism—who doesn’t want to look better?—versus nitpicking.
@mostlyclueless No, not really. Especially if he’s never said something like “I hate shopping for clothes, because I’m not really great with the fashion sense. However, no one’s ever shown me how to dress…”
I think it depends on how he feels about his own sense of style. His potential hubris.
In my case, I know fully well that I have absolutely no sense of style. If my hypothetical girlfriend gave me pointers, I’d gladly accept them. Just as I’d accept suggestions on how to better cook my meals, how to learn my school material better, how to play computer games better, etc. etc. I don’t have a problem of hubris. I want to improve everything.
If he’s someone who thinks he dresses better than James Bond, then any suggestion may feel like an insult. It won’t feel like “hey, you can do this better” but rather “You know all that stuff you think you know? Well, it’s wrong.” It won’t feel good.
If he’s a fit guy who dresses in baggy clothes, I’d suspect that’s a sign that he’s not the most confident and egotistical guy out there. So he’d probably accept your suggestions. Maybe I’m just reading too much into that though.
It’s a difficult call. A lot of people would say I have no style, heheheh, but I do have style, it just happens to be my unique style. I love baggy and I am pretty fit, I just can’t stand tight restrictive clothes. I also prefer mostly khaki, grays and black. Sometimes I go a little crazy but those are my usual colors. So if this bloke is like me, he dresses to suit himself and the fashionazis be damned. That said every now and again when I want to look socially acceptable I have to take a picture of myself and send it back to my best friend in the USA for her approval. Then she tells me if something needs to be changed. It is a pain but it works. Sometimes we use skype video for the same purpose. So as I said it is a hard call and you will have to play it by ear, does seem too soon if you just started dating though.
I’d say leave him alone about it. Your friend is out of line, in my opinion. If this is about what she thinks and not about what you think, it doesn’t belong in the middle of your relationship.
When you know him much, much better, you should have a good sense of how he feels about how he dresses. Take your clue then as to whether to offer your own suggestions or keep still.
I’d leave him alone. I’m just saying this because I’d like to be left alone on the subject. Being fashionable isn’t a big deal with me.
Some people just don’t care about it.
Leave him be—this is about you, not him. How he dresses reflects how he feels about himself. Tampering with that is risky.
I’m going to play the opposing side for this one lol. I used to be that guy that needed the advice, and I’m glad some women and men respectfully gave me some advice. I wasn’t offended, because I already knew I needed some help. I just didn’t know what to do. But to give him the advice or suggest he try wearing something is tricky. I think you have to do it when you guys are both comfortable enough with each other to not get offended when giving each other respectful criticism. He may want to give you pointers on something in the future as well.
Like some other said: Look for an opportunity to tell him when he seems to be looking for advice.
I agree with @Sarcasm. Find out first how he feels about the way he dresses. Some guys simply don’t care and will simply go for comfort. If that is the case then he may appreciate some ideas. When I was dating my husband, he thought he had style and taste, so I bought him some new clothes. He loved that it was a gift and when he went out wearing them he got so many compliments that he took me shopping with him to get more. (He had a dark green polyester bell bottom suit with a ruffle shirt in his closet. He thought it was awesome.) It was the 80’s but it was hideous. Its over 30 years and he still has me dress him and he continues to get compliments on his wardrobe and he didn’t even bat an eye when I bought him his first pink dress shirt.
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