Social Question

awomanscorned's avatar

Family on facebook, yes or no?

Asked by awomanscorned (11261points) October 25th, 2010

I’m friends with my dad on facebook because he’s cool and doesn’t ever really get on or stalk my page. However, I have a cousin who’s about 15 years older than me and he is always commenting on everything I do with what he thinks are witty and clever, really they’re a bit annoying. Some of my friends have even noticed and asked who he was. I deleted him once and he noticed and asked his wife about it and I felt bad and had to add him again. Should I delete him again, or just hint to take it easy or ignore it or what?

I also feel like I have to moderate my facebook way too much because of my very conservative family. Lord help me if a drunken picture escapes my untagging. My mom would beat me with a toaster.

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28 Answers

cookieman's avatar

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to explain to family that you use your Facebook page to communicate with your friends, tell in-jokes, have some fun and be yourself. Family etiquette and expectations are very different so you’d like to keep the two separate.

That being said, I’m a big advocate of presenting oneself consistently across all media and in person. I might not post drunken photos of myself for anyone to see.

AmWiser's avatar

Yes, I have family on FB. My granddaughter is forever posting pictures on my page. Fortunately our family is close knit and if I were not happy with any of their conduct on my page, I could tell them and that would be the end of that.

SuperMouse's avatar

I would agree with @cprevite. It is of course your prerogative to keep those you do not want commenting away from your facebook page. You can avail yourself of the block feature and keep them away all together. If you aren’t comfortable blocking them, you can delete the comments that bug you. I have a teenage niece and nephew who have made it clear that I should not send friend requests because they will be declined. I would like to say it hurts my feelings, but it is really up to them and when I was in my teens there is no way I would have wanted my aunt for a friend.

Of course there is always this option.

janbb's avatar

I have nieces and nephews from across the pond as well as Jellies on my page. Like @cprevite, I yam who I yam and don’t post things that I don’t want folks to know.

Aesthetic_Mess's avatar

I’m friends with my siblings, and some other relatives, but I don’t contact them much.

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marinelife's avatar

I would not post drunken pictures (“Your idea of a classy picture and mine are very different.”) Potential employers can sometimes work it to see your facebook pages.

As to your cousin, I would tell him that you find his posts annoying or hide them as someone suggested.

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Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

The way I think about it…if they want to be friends with me on FB, they better get on board with what I post and what I speak to because there is no way I would ever adjust myself knowing they’re around. So it’s up to them to decide…when my mother-in-law got on FB, she was shocked to see the real me and sticks to commenting on our kids’ photos mostly. If a family member was being annoying, I’d put them to limited profile.

eswiftymore's avatar

I have my family on facebook…
they’re not so bad for commenting, in fact apart from my dad (who i just ignore!) noone really comments at all which is good.
HOWEVER, i don’t feel like i can post anything with swearwords, or about parties or anything – i don’t really use my facebook anymore, because i never post anything!
I shouldn’t have added them…

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Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@noelleptc Ha, you’re better than me. I’d have given it to him like there was no tomorrow.

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OpryLeigh's avatar

I’m friends with a few family members on Facebook. It’s not something that bothers me and if they see something they dn’t like (my Aunt once told me off for swearing in my status) then that’s their problem as far as I’m concerned.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Yes, I use FB, and yes, I think most of us have suffered from excessive posts from someone who thinks their comments are witty, be it a relative or not. Talk to your cousin, or send him an e-mail explaining the situation, how it makes you feel, and ask him to refrain from doing so on your wall, or you will block his profile. You might also suggest that if he has issues with what you are posting, then he should consider ‘hiding’ your posts from showing up on his news feed.

On the flip side, two of my SO’s nephews post utter garbage on their walls, including ‘liking’ groups that are just plain offensive. Their grandfather has an account, and he and the grandmother are upset about it. My SO is mortified, as it is a reflection on the family. We’ve privately let the the boys know how we all feel. One has cleaned up his act; the other didn’t. We dropped him as a FB friend. I sent an e-mail letting him know why and that we still love him, but it breaks our heart to see his grandparents distraught.

I totally understand the photo issue. I posted some family pics and tagged them. One niece untagged herself in all of them. Apparently, for the work she does, she doesn’t want to be seen with an alcoholic drink in her hand.

CMaz's avatar

No, and while you are at it. No Facebook.

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nailpolishfanatic's avatar

I have my mom and step-dad. Aunts and ucles from step-dads side. they are all my friends on Facebook.
But with your problem I suggest either ignoring it or just talking to him about it and how it makes you feel.

deni's avatar

If my family was lame or I hated them, I’d be annoyed. Last summer my brother invited my mom and dad to facebook so they both joined. It took them a while to figure out how to use it, and both seldom do, but when I have a comment from one of them it makes me happy. They’re divorced and sometimes they will comment on each others pages or whatever and it’s actually really cute.

anartist's avatar

@noelleptc Thank you so much for posting this. I wanted to hear from the other side of the generation gap on this. I have family all over Facebook. And I am delighted to. I like to know what they are all up to. I am of the older generation, and even though I read their stuff, I rarely comment.

My feeling is that I should walk lightly with these Facebook friendships. On a routine basis comments from an old fart might not be appreciated. I just enjoy that they have accepted contact with me and gradually watch their parents get on Facebook as well.

janbb's avatar

@anartist Like you, I rarely comment on my younger relatives’ posts. I also wait for young relatives and friends of my children to friend me if they wish to, rather than requesting they be my friend.

janbb's avatar

Some people do have two pages – one for friends or Jellies and one for family. FB doesn’t mean that much to me to bother with such things but if you use it a lot and are concerned, you might try that approach.

YARNLADY's avatar

I do not have Facebook, but I have a family blog, and a non-family blog, so I can keep some things separate.

perspicacious's avatar

I suggest having a friends Facebook account, and a separate one for family. I have one for just my online friends, then one for my family and friends.

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meagan's avatar

I don’t add my family on facebook. I’m not close to them. But any time they ask, I just say I deleted mine.
I don’t really have a need to be close to those people, know what they’re having for breakfast, etc.

Neizvestnaya's avatar


I have a facebook account set up solely to accept friend requests from family members so they can see I have a profile and actually post something every few months. This keeps their noses out of my active “friends” page which I have set up to not be Googled or viewed by anyone excpet my approved “friends”. No headaches so far :)

AnonymousWoman's avatar

For me, yes. I like my Facebook better with family members on it. I also find that having family members on my Facebook helps prevent me from posting things I might regret posting later! :)

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