General Question

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

What are some arguments FOR pre-marital sex?

Asked by MyNewtBoobs (19031points) October 26th, 2010

I’m writing a persuasive essay on why we should all have premarital sex. While technically my position is “do what you want to do, I don’t care”, you either do that as your position or care about other people’s sex lives. So: What are some arguments for NOT waiting till marriage?

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43 Answers

FutureMemory's avatar

If you’re in love with the person, it’s been my experience that taking the relationship to the sexual level only strengthens the love-bond.

El_Cadejo's avatar

Itd be rather unfortunate to be married to someone your not compatible with in bed :(

Disc2021's avatar

- Consider the gays – what do they do!? They can’t exactly get married in all states of the US…

- You may not be ready for marriage for years to come (but ready to get down and dirty).

- Not everyone is religious and therefore dont follow the doctrine.

That’s all I’ve got.

chyna's avatar

To make sure you are compatible, the size and deliverence are to your liking, and you aren’t surprised on your wedding night.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

It’s try before you buy…but that is no guarantee that it will remain mind-blowing monkey love forever XD

MeinTeil's avatar

I sell cars for a living.

I always suggest my customers perform a thorough demonstration drive.

Blackberry's avatar

It’s 2010 lol. That should suffice.

Like Disc stated, you have to consider gays, they are at the mercy of the ignorant close-minded majority, and with the high rate of divorce, it is good to know as much as you can about your partner.

faye's avatar

I really think you should know how your possible mate is in bed. What a disaster to never enjoy sex.

deni's avatar

Sex is just as emotional as it is physical and being MARRIED to a person you are not compatible with at all is, like faye said, A DISASTER. it would be hell.

josie's avatar

Social convention says that people should be of a certain age in order to get married or to understand the implications of commitment.
Unfortunately, most humans become aware of their sexual desires long before that moment.
It seems silly to deny all that.
And unhealthy as well.
Think of all the people who suppress their sexual impulses until they become totally repressed.
Not a good way to spend your adulthood.
We introduce, by increments, many concepts to children.
Earning money, by giving them little jobs and paying them.
Fiscal responsiblity by having them use their own money to purchase toys and stuff
Personal responsibilty by making sure that innappropriate behaviour has a negative consequence.
Why not the fact that sex is normal and a good experience?
And the fact that responsible sex is essential since irresponsible sex has a distinct negative consequence.
From that point of view, pre marital sex is part of the process of becoming responsible “members of society”.
I engaged in pre marital sex.
And some opinions on Fluther not withstanding, I am not a social reprobate, and I am not going to go to Hell.
I think my sons did too.
They seem OK to me and their friends etc.
I have a suspicion that the interest in preventing premarital sex has more to do with controlling women than some sort of legitimate social convention.
And many of the same people who, for example, say that Muslims are a danger to modern civilization, do so on the basis of their subordination of women.
If my hypothesis is true, that is hypocrisy.
So, I vote for premarital sex.
Not for the sake of saying you did it, but simply because in many cases it is perfectly natural.
What are we, if we are not “natural”?

Response moderated (Unhelpful)
lillycoyote's avatar

I would say one basic argument for me would be that, because people in modern industrialized societies tend to marry later, but reach sexual maturity around the age of 13 or so that it’s an extremely unrealistic expectation, and perhaps even an “unnatural” state for humans to have such a prolonged period of sexual abstinence between reaching sexual maturity and marriage. To expect people to reach sexual maturity at around 13 and not become sexually active until their mid to late twenties, if not later is just unrealistic, at best. I’m not saying that it necessarily 13 year olds should be having sex, I’m just suggesting an argument in favor of pre-marital sex.

How come we’re willing to do your homework but no one else’s? Oh, my little @papayalily, you’re a wily one! :-)

Edit: @josie, you got in there just before me. And we agree on something! Well, I agree with a significant portion of what you said above, not all of it, but that’s something. :-)

Response moderated (Off-Topic)
Response moderated (Off-Topic)
iamthemob's avatar

The general trend shows that about 40% of the U.S. population, at this point, won’t be married by the time they’re 30. Those that marry later in life to tend to get divorced with significantly less frequency.

Rushing into a decision regarding sex is generally less devastating than rushing into a decision about marriage. Considering that the instance of a 40-year-old virgin has been the stuff of comic gold, if we look at the trends and think that people should refrain from having sex until they get married, that 40-year-old virgin would be a much more common phenomenon than we’d think.

Considering that in reality the average world-wide age to lose your virginity is 17, well, would you want your kid to get married at 17?

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lonelydragon's avatar

I agree with what others said about compatibility in bed, but would also like to add that people who delay sexual activity until marriage are sometimes in a rush to get married because then they can enjoy guilt-free sex. So they rush through a whirlwind courtship and don’t take the time to get to know each other on an emotional level. Blinded by lust, they are unable to see incompatibilities in their personalities, values, and habits. It would be better for them to have sex than to enter into an unwise marriage and eventually divorce.

Also, recent psychological research has found a correlation between sexual dysfunction and losing one’s virginity at a late age. As Professor Eli Coleman says, “Clinically, we see many individuals who marry late and who have had little or no sexual experience have great difficulty with developing a rich and satisfying sexual experience within their relationship.” While researchers emphasized that they have not found a causal link between sexual dysfunction and losing one’s virginity at a late age, avoiding sexual activity for an extended period of time ensures that the person will not be able to “practice” their lovemaking skills and resolve his/her issues.

Here is the article where I found the information, if you’d like to read it. Although it is from a popular news source, the article cites the research journal that printed the original study, if you’re interested:

CaptainHarley's avatar

Um… it satisfies the childish need for immediate self-gratification?

iamthemob's avatar


Masturbation satisfies that much more immediately and childishly. ;-)


Aside from masturbation, which our former Surgeon General lost her job for advocating, studies regarding abstinence-only education, of which that is an example, generally show that educating people to have sex safely prevents them from engaging in behavior that is not strictly pre-marital sex, but which puts them at risk for a variety of STDs, particularly HIV, as some teens consider participating in anal sex as something they can do and still claim virginity.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

So… I take it that most here believe that Pre-Marital Sex is preferred over Pre-Sexual Marriage?

josie's avatar

I think that is the prevailing opinion. Yes.

iamthemob's avatar


I think that the most prevailing opinions, though, are (1) marriage is a good thing, and (2) that marriage is as inevitable as sex.

janbb's avatar

It’s fun.

seazen's avatar

What @uberbatman said. It would be unfortunate.

mrrich724's avatar

It reduces the divorce rate . . .

Iclamae's avatar

My mom’s argument, which I agree with, was that kids are going to have sex anyway. You tell them not to do it and then they’ll sneak around you. Which can lead to babies, diseases, abuse that they want to hide from their parents. So, instead, she said “when you feel ready to have sex, tell me and I will get you birth control and condoms. <discuss><discuss>” This didn’t become an issue for me till I was 19, but it was comforting to have the option open and fully informed.

I agree that teenagers don’t necessarily have sex for the sake of a loving bond and all that. Some do but many don’t. Either way, prohibiting sex before marriage for some old fashioned or religious standard leaves your children vulnerable. They need to be informed about protection and possible consequences. They need to know that you’ll be there for them if they get in trouble.

/rant on teenagers. Outside of teenagers, I agree that premarital sex is a relationship builder (an extra level of intimacy) and that it is nice to know that the two of you are compatible. It can prevent divorce and adultery. I respect people who want to wait till marriage but I personally would prefer to have sex before. I would also prefer to live with the guy before marriage, as that is also an important aspect of knowing each other.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@lillycoyote Because I know how to phrase it in a way that facilitates a discussion we should have anyway while still leaving enough work for me personally that you can’t say I cheated.

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies Yes, I’m of the opinion that Pre-Sexual Marriage is irresponsible and foolish.

cockswain's avatar

Because bonobos do it all the time.

YARNLADY's avatar

When two people are so in love that the idea of ever parting is inconceivable, they are drawn to expressing their love through pre-marital (meaning they are to be married in the conventional sense) sex. This is, in effect marital, but not yet celebrated by the general public.

lapilofu's avatar

Sex is fun and pleasure is good for you—whether or not you’re married.

meiosis's avatar

Practise makes perfect.

mattbrowne's avatar

Less violence and anger and hatred.

One reason millions of Muslims demonstrate against whatever the West allegedly did to them is sexual frustration. I read a very interesting book written by an Egyptian intellectual who now lives in Germany. In Egypt most men can’t afford to marry before they are 30. Sex starvation leads to violence, he argues. Even masturbation is haraam in those countries. Pure lunacy.

MeinTeil's avatar

^ Confirms my assertion that no matter how much radical islam claims they’re on a mission from god the reality is that they are motivated by pure jealousy alone.

iamthemob's avatar

An example of a subconscious motivation to certain behavior because of adherence to a radical sect doesn’t confirm an assertion that the sole motivation for any behavior of that sect is a particular emotion.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@iamthemob And now in English?

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

why buy the cow when the milk is free?

lapilofu's avatar

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies After all, as we all well know, the only advantage of being married is that you get to have sex. THERE ARE NO OTHER BENEFITS WHATSOEVER TO MARRIAGE. NONE.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies No. I’m not looking for arguments against premarital sex, I’m looking for arguments for premarital sex. I’m also not looking for this to turn into a debate over the issue; I simply want to make sure I’ve remembered all the arguments for an essay I’m writing.

YARNLADY's avatar

@lapilofu obviously you don’t don’t anyone who was refused the right to visit their partner in the hospital or have any say in their care simply because they were married. And what about the tax benefits for married that singles don’t have?

augustlan's avatar

[mod says] Let’s stick to answering the actual question, folks.

john65pennington's avatar

LadyDragon, please correct me if i am wrong…...........

But, would a person ever buy a pair of shoes, without trying them on first?

This correlation example may be way off base, but its the first thought that entered my mind.

QuartzKitty's avatar

This may be a rather crude analogy, but waiting until marriage is like buying a car without taking it for a test drive first.

There are many factors that go into a happy and successful relationship, and sexual compatibility is a major one. Going into a serious commitment, such as marriage, without first discovering if your needs and that of your partners are complimentary is running the risk of setting yourself up for serious long term disappointment and disillusionment, and possibly the destruction of your marriage when you decide to seek out compatibility with someone else beside your spouse (a situation that two of my friends found themselves in).

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