Social Question

Pandora's avatar

Guys, does it bother you when a male friend of yours is unfaithful to his very sweet wife?

Asked by Pandora (27855points) October 28th, 2010

I’ve known women to get mad at their female friends who are unfaithful to a good man.
Good people are hard to come by, either male or female. But I can only say I’ve seen women get upset and sometimes I think it has to do with the fact that, it means their female friend may be out on the prowl and any boyfriend of theirs or spouse may not be off limits to their girlfriend.
But do guys feel the same way? Or do most guys just cheer each other on, seeing it as a guy thing to do, even if they don’t agree?
Does it make a difference if the wife is a friend as well, or if she is hot sexy as well?
Or do you simply have no opinion, just because its not your marriage, even if you are friends.

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19 Answers

Joybird's avatar

I knew someone who thought wifey was so very sweet until the man in question planted a couple of hidden cameras around the house. After that not one of his “friends” every said anything again about his philandering. His “sweet” wife was a raving shrew behind closed doors…about as acerbic as it gets.
I think unless you are privy to absolutely everything that goes on in someone else’s relationship you should keep your mouth shut and ask alot of questions that helps them find their way.

Blackberry's avatar

I wouldn’t cheer them on, I would be upset (if they were a good person), but it’s none of my business and I most likely wouldn’t care. I have already seen this a few times and I really didn’t care. It was a short conversation of ‘hey man, you should think about what you’re doing’ and that was it. It also depends on who the man is cheating with. If it is a nasty slut, then you really get mad at them for making a bad decision.

JustmeAman's avatar

I would get very upset at a friend of mine. For one if he is a good friend then his wife will be one also and I would be really upset with him. I really don’t have a lot of respect for many men because of how much I have seen and the abuse I have also seen.

FutureMemory's avatar

This is a huge pet peeve of mine. How much I respect other men has a lot to do with how they conduct themselves in their romantic relationships. Cheaters are the lowest of the low.

I find it very distressing that I seem to be the exception rather than the rule.

Pandora's avatar

@FutureMemory I agree, but I guess I can think of some people who I would first consider the lowest of the low. Abusers for one.
But I do think people often don’t consider what it means to have someone as a friend who would cheat on their spouse. If the one person in the world who they took vows with isn’t failthful, than exactly how faithful as a friend could you ever expect them to be. What other lies do they see as a meer inconvience. Can you trust them with your belongings, your family, your spouse, your money or even your pet or to do a job for you?
I know people will argue its not the same, its just sex. But there views about everyday things that you consider important may be unimportant as well.
@Joybird Wouldn’t it made sense to just leave her if she was that much of a shrew and he hated her guts. Maybe she was a shrew because she knew she was married to a jerk.

filmfann's avatar

When I was confronted with this in the past, I would really tell them off.
I just lose all respect for people who do that. I am very judgemental in this, and I wish I wasn’t.

Mikewlf337's avatar

No because I see women being unfaithful to their very sweet husbands. They both get whats coming to them in the end….or do they? People do not care for one another. People are very selfish and only think for themselves.

Vincent_Lloyd's avatar

Hahaha hell yeah it would bother me so much! I mean I wouldn’t do the same to them I would be encouraging them and be faithful to them both including the wife. So just screw them, I know you have a good marriage. wish ya luck in that :)

wundayatta's avatar

I would not encourage someone to be unfaithful. I would prefer to listen to him talk about what’s going on with his life and his marriage, and to see if there would be anything I could do that would help him find another way to deal with his problems. I would not tell him what he should or should not do. I would respect his autonomy. I would tell him how I felt about it, without judging, though.

I wish I had had a friend like that. I don’t know if this happens to others, but sometimes I find myself in trouble that’s like quicksand. It won’t let me out. If I’d had a friend nearby, maybe he could have extended a lifeline to me.

MissA's avatar

To philandering guys…

Philandering IS abusive. I can only speak for a wife, but it make you feel as if you’re never enough…what’s the point? And, it’s never just philandering. There can be all kinds of bad behavior…anger issues.

I feel like philandering is sort of expected by fellow men…whereas a woman doing the same thing, would be considered a whore.

Sorry to jump in here guys…but, the subject is near and dear to my broken-super glued-trying-to-mend heart.

Pandora's avatar

@Vincent_Lloyd This is hypothetical. Just occurred to me to ask because so much in movies or reality tv seems to celebrate this behavior as a right of passage. It got me wondering if there are any guys out there who would actually tell their friends that they are doing wrong and if it would change their friendship.

Pandora's avatar

@MissA :( Sorry to hear that. I’ve got a dry hanky if you ever need to vent. Welcome to pm me.
@Mikewlf337 So you think its ok because some women do it to men? Then there isn’t a wrong that will ever really be wrong because somewhere in the world, someone is doing it.

Trillian's avatar

“People do not care for one another. People are very selfish and only think for themselves.” Wow. Generalize much?

Pandora's avatar

@Trillian Which comment are you referring to?
Never mind. I just saw who it was reffering too. I’m getting sleepy.

Kraigmo's avatar

Not a single friend of mine has ever cheated on his wife or girlfriend. Far as I know, anyway. It would bother me a lot if anyone I knew was cheating on someone.

Joybird's avatar

@Pandora Marriage is a property state and people invest heavily in it. Dissolving a property state causes harm to the finances of both parties involved and often to the offspring as well and anyone else in the extended family who might normally benefit from the assets that have been accumulated. People look at what other divorced families go through and decide that going on the down low with their needs while maintaining the property state is the most desirable thing to do. On some level there is often a desire to preserve family and the person engaging in this option over divorce is doing so because they have strong obligations to the idea of family even though they may recognize their partnership as extremely flawed and unhealthy to their well-being.

Mikewlf337's avatar

@Pandora I didn’t say it was ok. I said it doesnt bother me. Why? Because it’s none of my business. How do I know his wife is sweet with him when nobody is around and vice versa. I don’t snoop around in my friends private life.
@Trillian Do I generalize much? I can only go by what I see and I see more selfish people than selfless people. Everybody generalizes to some degree.


It bothers me a lot when “anyone” is unfaithful to his or her sweet and loving spouse. The fact that it’s my male friend doesn’t make it any less disgusting.

mattbrowne's avatar

Yes, if the wife has not agreed to live in a open relationship.

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