Social Question

KatawaGrey's avatar

Is there a proper way to go about asking this young man if he wants to continue our friendship?

Asked by KatawaGrey (21433points) November 2nd, 2010

When I was a freshman in college, I had something resembling a romantic relationship with a guy who turned out to be a jerk. During our time together, however, I became friends with a few of his friends and there is one friend of his in particular who I thought I was pretty close with. However, when this other guy and I ended our “thing” it was a bit too weird and convoluted to call a “relationship” his friend stopped speaking to me.

Now, I had thought that he and I had developed a friendship completely independent of the “thing” with this other boy. We would chat a bunch and text each other and have great conversations that did not involve the other boy.

I have recently rediscovered his profile on facebook. Since it has been a few years since this whole thing went down and since I no longer have any kind of interaction with the other boy, I was thinking of trying to get in touch with this guy again. The only way I have of getting inc contact with him is on facebook and I was thinking of sending him a message before sending him a friend request I have changed phones multiple times since we last spoke and I no longer have his number.

Can the collective offer any advice on how I should approach this?

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24 Answers

Blackberry's avatar

Just send him the message saying hi. He’ll want to stay in touch and/or hang out, or he won’t.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

I agree with @Blackberry, I think. Just send him a private e-mail letting him know that you still recall his existence and appreciate it independently. Do not post it on his wall.

chyna's avatar

Yeah, be very casual about it. Just kind of a “hey there, how’ve you been?” He will then friend you and answer your message or ignore you.

josie's avatar

Nothing wrong with reaching out to an old friend or aquaintance. I do it all the time if the opportunity presents itself. You can never have too many friends. And if it becomes something special, so much the better.

Blueroses's avatar

Be honest and casual. There have been a few I’ve reached out to on social networks with “Hey! I always thought you were cool and I’ve thought of you. Weren’t those some crazy times?”

It works or it doesn’t. Sometimes I’m ignored, sometimes I’m “friended” but it goes no further and once in a while, I get some great conversations with an old friend.

KatawaGrey's avatar

What worries me about this particular old friend is that he never heard my side of the story. The guy I was involved with and I had an acrimonious split, to say the least, and whatever version he was telling people made me out to be quite the heartless bitch a lot of it was bald-faced lies which is why I worry that this young man will want nothing to do with me.

I think I’ll just go for it and see what happens. Thanks for answering everyone. At the very least, it’s comforting to know that a bunch of people who have never met me care enough to want me to be able to reconnect with an old friend. :)

Blueroses's avatar

Good luck! A few years perspective can make a lot of difference.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I would just send a friendly message and see what happens:)

Trillian's avatar

Good luck, please do keep us posted.

KatawaGrey's avatar

I sent the message a few minutes ago. Let’s see what happens.

Is it weird that I’m nervous?

chyna's avatar

@KatawaGrey What’s weirder is that I’m nervous for you. Let us know.

Blueroses's avatar

Yes, @KatawaGrey We’re all invested in this now :)

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Say hi, tell him you miss that the two of you didn’t keep up the friendship after “the thing” and ask him to drop you a line.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Unless you know for a fact, I wouldn’t assume that this guy cut you off because he believed a story about you told by Jerk Boy. Anyone with a lick of sense knows that there are always two sides of the story when it comes to broken relationships. Sometimes, loyalty to one friend over another wins out after a break-up.

And no, silly; it isn’t weird that you are anxiously waiting to see if he responds. It is human nature. He’ll either respond favorably, respond negatively, or not respond. If he shoots back some negative response, it may sting, but it should be considered a valuable insight into his personality. If he doesn’t respond, don’t take it personally; you don’t know why. Some people just don’t check their account on a regular basis.

In the meantime, focus on the fact that we adore you. And right now, we are the ones that count. :)

JilltheTooth's avatar

You need to call me later and tell me who! I’m dying of curiosity, here! Or did you tell me and I forgot? Oh, dear.

KatawaGrey's avatar

No response yet but I suspect he’s seen it because there is some activity on his fb from today. Hopefully, more details to follow…

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Thanks for the update. Did you call your mom and let her in on the specifics?

JilltheTooth's avatar

@Pied_Pfeffer : Yes, she did. :-)

KatawaGrey's avatar

Just thought I ought to let you all know that he hasn’t responded. :(

Blueroses's avatar

Oh, that’s a shame. Maybe he’s mulling it over?

KatawaGrey's avatar

Still no response. The body’s cold. :(

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

It’s three months later. Any update for us?

KatawaGrey's avatar

He never responded. I’m just going to let things lie. Oh well.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Thanks for the update. Oh well…his loss.

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