Social Question

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

What is your favorite politcal joke?

Asked by WillWorkForChocolate (23108points) November 5th, 2010

I’m asking, simply because with the elections this past Tuesday, a lot of us have politics on our minds.

We’ve had questions about “favorite jokes” and “most offensive jokes” recently, so I thought it would be fun to share political jokes. I also think it would be fun, in light of recent antagonizing questions, to just relax and giggle at political humor.

Two of my favorites are:
Rep. Mark Souder of Indiana resigned after getting into a sex scandal. Evidently, some politicians take the task of “screwing the voters” too literally.

Washington DC Newsflash: A tragic fire on Monday destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. Both of his books have been lost.

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35 Answers

iamthemob's avatar

Republicans.
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j/k, calm down. ;-)

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Both books were lost? The virgins always die too young.

Blackberry's avatar

I still think John Boehner’s last name is pronounced ‘Boner’ lol. That’s not political, but I have been wondering if I’ve been the only one? My favorite is when someone jokes about lying where they have been, they just say “Oh..I was hiking in the appalachians…”.

erichw1504's avatar

“A new poll shows that only one out of four people approve of the job President Bush is doing. One out of four. That means, when he’s having dinner with his wife and two daughters, he’s the only one at the table who thinks he’s doing a good job.” – Jay Leno

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@Blackberry LOL! I’ve never been there…

Pazza's avatar

Did you hear the one about the people who thought that when they voted, they were making a difference!

erichw1504's avatar

Q: What are the two worst things about Bill Clinton?
A: His face.

TexasDude's avatar

In the spirit of being fair and balanced ©....

What do you call a basement full of Democrats?

…A whine cellar.

Why should you always take two Republicans fishing with you?

…If you take only one, he’ll smoke all your pot, but if you take two, they won’t smoke any.

Hurr durr.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

How do you starve an Obama supporter?
His his food stamps under his work boots!

BoBo1946's avatar

Long, but so applicable!

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

“She rolled her eyes and said, “You must be an Obama Democrat.”

“I am,” replied the man. “How did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help to me.”

The man smiled and responded, “You must be a Republican.”

“I am,” replied the balloonist. “How did you know?”

“Well,” said the man, “you don’t know where you are or where you are going. You’ve risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it’s my fault.”

BoBo1946's avatar

@Blackberry :)- “cool as the underside of my pillow!”

iamthemob's avatar

I feel like if this were to happen, it wouldn’t be my favorite political joke – but perhaps my favorite joke on politics. ;-)

BoBo1946's avatar

@erichw1504 this is more my style…. that question that Pnl asked it not a good place to be today——and it’s Friday!!!

http://www.fluther.com/102991/can-the-qs-on-fluther-get-any-more-nonsensical-what-can/#quip1683145

Here is the best joke of all times political wise!

http://i40.tinypic.com/qzr6no.jpg

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@BoBo1946 That sucker is still going? Luck to you on Monday!

BoBo1946's avatar

Thank you A ! I’m positive that everything is going to be okay!

erichw1504's avatar

@BoBo1946 I 100% agree with you. Seems like it put a damper on Fluther today.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe Yes, sadly, it is. Funny that a veteran would create all that drama over something so trivial.

BoBo1946's avatar

@erichw1504 exactly, over something that is no big deal ! In the scheme of things, someone in the terminal ward at the hospital could care less about questions that don’t meet someone’s standards!

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I kind of derailed the thread. Back to political jokes.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe It’s okay. I’m one of the people who doesn’t always mind it when threads are derailed.

AmWiser's avatar

A little girl asked her father, “Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with ‘Once Upon A Time’?”

He replied, “No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with ‘If elected I promise’.”

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@BoBo1946 You wins the intarwebz for the day ;)

BoBo1946's avatar

ahhh…. thank you thank you….and I’m just pixilated ! “You jarred my perservatory @papayalily!”

This sure beats the question on poor writing standards!

Blueroses's avatar

Politicians are like diapers. When you realize they’re full of shit, it’s time to change them.

Winters's avatar

So there’s this horrendous tragedy and all the politicians in Washington D.C. go to Hell.

When President Obama arrives, he’s greeted by old man Satan himself who proceeds to say, “why hello there Obama, welcome to hell. With that travesty that just went down in Washington D.C. and all these souls come pouring in, I figured that we were getting a little too full down here. So I decided that once you popped up, I’d give you the option to replace one of your fellow Democrats here in Hell, so they can get a second chance at life. What do you say?”

President Obama, after giving it much thought – including bullshit about hope and change – agrees and follows Satan, looking for which fellow Democrat he’d be willing to replace.

Eventually, Satan and President Obama come across Bill Clinton, who – much to the surprise of President Obama – is tied down getting a blow job from Monica Lewinsky.

President Obama figures, oh what the hell, if I’m gonna spend eternity in hell, I might as well have this “punishment.”

He then turns to Satan and says, “I think I’ll take this one, not doing Bill any favors of course.”

Satan raises an eyebrow and asks, “Are you sure, positive that you want this one?”

Obama pretends to think to himself and proceeds to answer in the affirmative.

Satan, with a look of surprise on his face, turns to Bill and Monica and says, “You can stop now Monica, Obama’s here to take over for ya.”

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@Winters That’s a political twist on an old dumb blond joke.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes.

The first passenger said, “I am President Obama, the chosen one. The world needs me, I can’t afford to die.” So he took the first parachute and jumped out of the plane.

The second passenger, Nancy Pelosi, said, “I am the Speaker of the House. I am the smartest woman in American history, so America’s people don’t want me to die.” She took the second parachute and jumped out of the plane.

The third passenger, John Kerry, said, “I’m a Senator and a decorated war hero from the Army of the United States of America.” So he grabbed the parachute next to him and jumped.

The fourth passenger, ex-President George W. Bush, said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl, “I have lived a full life, and served my country the best I could. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute.”

The young girl said, “That’s okay, Mr. President. There’s a parachute left for you. America’s smartest woman took my backpack.”

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

I think most political jokes are either regular jokes that substitute politicians for the stock characters, or jokes that can insult either party by changing less than 4 words. Like this one:

A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans..
Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny.
The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different… again.
Little Johnny said, “Because I’m not an Obama fan.”
The teacher asked, “Why aren’t you a fan of Obama?” Johnny said, “Because I’m a Republican.”
The teacher asked him why he’s a Republican. Little Johnny answered, “Well, my Mom’s a Republican and my Dad’s a Republican, so I’m a Republican.”
Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, “If your mom were a moron and your dad were an idiot, what would that make you?”
With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, “That would make me an Obama fan.”

I’ve seen that exact same joke with Bush for Obama, and Democrat for Republican.

Winters's avatar

@papayalily I’ve never heard the dumb blonde version, How does that one go?

AstroChuck's avatar

Christine O’Donnell

BoBo1946's avatar

@AstroChuck Lmao…. and Sarah coming in a close second!

jesusjeeves's avatar

Bush (both of them)
or better still, the isreali leaders who WERE terroists in the 40’s/50’s

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