What are the advantages (if any) of having a biological child over adopting?

Well I can only say the obvious, to me at least. Your own children are your flesh & blood, part of you & vice versa. That for me creates an unbreakable bond for life. Nothing comes close.

There are no advantages as far as I’m concerned – but then I’m very pro-adoption and don’t understand the need to have a biological child.

@ucme: “nothing comes close”. How do you know? Have you also adopted?

You have some input in their genetics for a start, this maybe an advantage or not. I am very pro adoption but can see the benefit of passing on my dna to some lucky recipient ;)

@syphotoguy: Perhaps I don’t hold myself in high enough regard, but I see nothing special about my DNA. I’ve never looked in the mirror and thought, “Now this is what the world needs more of.”

The only true advantages I can think of are medically related, and not even all the time in those cases. I’m not a person who believes that biological is better either, and I can think of far more reasons why adopting a child is better than actually having one.

@cprevite No I haven’t, but my wife has two children from a previous marriage.Now as much as I love them, i’m not going to pretend I don’t love & cherish my own two kids in a completely different way. It’s simply a stronger more defined bond, no doubt.

@ucme: Fair enough.

Perhaps if you knew your step-children as long as your biological children, the bond would be similar.

@ucme You don’t think there’s a possibility that the bond you share with your biological children stems from the fact that you’ve been around since they were babies? How old were your wife’s two children when you started your relationship with her?

As a woman your body would stay in better shape if you adopted ;)

For me it was a biological imperative, to a degree. I pursued both adoption and having my own at the same time, but it was too stressful to deal with infertility, and jump through the single-parent adoption hoops simultaneously. I only wanted one child, so when I was able to have my own, I stopped trying to adopt. That said, I know many people who adopted and, I believe, bonded as closely with their children as I did with mine.

A very needy child get a home if you adopt and that’s a huge advantage.

@DrasticDreamer They were nine & six. Being around from birth obviously plays it’s part, but I believe it’s just paternal instincts. They’re a result of our union together, part of us. An awesome feeling.

If you adopted you wouldn’t have to worry about the “birds and bees” chat, all you say is “babies come from the adoption agency ;)

Being adopted doesn’t always mean the child is getting a better home.

I was adopted and my father was an alcoholic, wife beating douche. I have spent my entire life, curious as to what my “blood” family looks like and full of question about their medical history. Am I, or my children, prone to cancer? Diabetes? Alzheimer’s?

I never felt that “connection” with my family. I love them (sans father) with all of my heart but it’s nothing like what I feel with my own biological children. They are the only blood relation I know and it really is different. We know our own in a way that is so base and fundamental that it can never be entirely dismissed.

The advantages? I guess it’s just kinda the way it’s meant to be done.

@syphotoguy ; My daughter was surgically conceived…imagine how much fun our “birds and bees” talks were! :-)

There are no reasons but selfish reasons, just like most things.

There is a recognition, if you will, when you see an infant of your own genetic make-up. That bond is very strong.

I think it is part of the inherent urge to reproduce, which I think shows why people keep reproducing rather than adopting.

Hmm ..my partner and I have talked about this. We have been trying to figure out if we want children or not. And, if so ..how. In Canada, I believe it’s still not legal for same-sex partners to adopt a child together. Also, if we chose to go biological ..well, we’d need some sperm lol. So, those are a couple of the things that make it more difficult for us.

But, I too have asked the question of possible difference in a biological vs adopted child. I find myself wondering ..“will I bond with the adopted child as I, hopefully, would with the biological one?” It scares me a bit and I can’t help but feel selfish.

I know there are natural instincts to reproduce.. keep your dna alive, etc. I understand that. But I can’t help but notice all the children that need to be adopted, so it almost seems wrong that I would bring another into this world (when I could help a child in need).

Why do so many choose biological? Psychologically, I think it’s mostly because of the need to create a being from both parents. Physically, I think it’s all about survival and dna.

Great question :)

@JilltheTooth What does “surgically conceived” mean?

@Blondesjon: I don’t see how your first point is relevant at all. Your adopted father, presumably, would have been an “alcoholic, wife beating douche” whether you were adopted or biological.

they don’t always go to a “good” home

Well, I don’t think they are “advantages,” but having your own child and experiencing pregnancy is an amazing experience. Seeing yourself and your SO, as well as your family members, in this little person that was created with so much love is something that can’t be described and what people who don’t want to adopt are probably afraid of missing out on.

That being said, I was with a good friend of mine when she got a phone call from the adoption agency saying they’d finally been matched with a baby. I still get tears in my eyes thinking about it. What an incredible moment.

At the same time, not having to experience the effects of pregnancy could be considered an advantage. Stretch marks anyone?

The only thing I’d call an advantage about having your own biological child (and forgive me if someone said this above, but I haven’t read the other responses because I keep getting interrupted while trying to answer this!) would be knowing the child’s family medical history. Having your own child and adopting a child are just different experiences, in my opinion, and one doesn’t have advantages over the other. The end result, hopefully, is a loving family.

Edited to add: Sorry if this is disjointed, but I kept having to stop to tend to dinner, kids, etc.

@ papayalily:
It was a process called GIFT (Gamete IntraFallopian Transfer) which involved introducing the sperm and a number of eggs into the Fallopian tubes to allow conception to occur there, as it would if it happened naturally. They don’t do it anymore because the success rate wasn’t enough higher than IVF to justify the risk of invasive surgery.

I haven’t yet adopted so I don’t know what the advantanges/disadvantages are but a particular advantage of biological children is not having to deal with emotional issues surrounding your kids’ search for their bio-parents and knowing your medical history rather than not knowing.

Saying “I brought you into this world and I sure as hell can take you out” just wouldn’t have the same impact with an adopted child I would imagine.

@Blondesjon I, too, feel a much stronger bond with my children than with my family. I feel a much stronger bond with my husband than with my family. I would imagine most parents would feel that way, whether they’d been adopted or not. My parents were kind of messed up too, and I have to wonder if I inherited my mom’s tendency toward depression or any of her other mental problems.

Over the several years I worked as a daycare teacher, I cared for many adopted children. Some were adopted as newborns, and some as older infants. I had one little girl who was adopted when she was two years old (you’d never know it to look at her, since she was so delayed from the horrible conditions of the Ukrainian orphanage where she’d previously lived). I could never see any difference between the family bonds between the adopted children and the biological children. In fact, when I think of the parents that seemed to take their kids for granted, huff and puff about picking them up when they were sick, or just leave them at daycare as long as possible, they were not the adopted children. This is completely anecdotal, of course, but I wonder if the long process of trying to have children and then deciding to go through the adoption process, makes parents less likely to take their children for granted or blow off their responsibilities as parents. As @Blondesjon pointed out, not all adopted children end up with perfect families, obviously.

Personally, I don’t think becoming a parent through adoption creates less of a bond with your child than becoming a parent with your own sperm or egg. It all depends on the parents, the children, and the individual family. Some will be close and loving, some won’t. I had enough experience with families who’d adopted that I wouldn’t hesitate to do it myself if I hadn’t been able to have children.

As for why more people don’t choose to adopt instead of having their own when there are a lot of children who need homes, getting knocked up on your own is cheaper, faster, and less stressful than going through the adoption process. :)

Somewhat along the same lines as @marinelife, some potential benefits with your biological children are that you can kind of “see the wheels turning” in their minds. You can relate to how they think, how they prioritize, how they struggle, what the best method to reach/convince them is. You know their genetic predispositions (family history of depression, addiction, learning disabilities, etc.). You also recognize characteristics of your own and (hopefully) of the person with whom you lovingly created the child.

Not to say that you can’t figure some of that out with an adopted kid… but in my family it has been much more clear for the biological kids.

My sister is adopted and has reactive attachment disorder due to not attaching with a primary caregiver at birth. In addition, my son is the result of date rape and it is easy to recognize characteristics of his bio dad, so my perspective is sure to be skewed.

With a biological child I can see myself in my child. I can know it’s my child and give myself permission to raise him or her how I see best. When my child does things, I can understand not just that they come from my genes, but I can also understand what he or she is thinking.

I would have brought up an adopted child…. I think. But knowing we are linked by blood makes a huge difference to me.

So, @Blondesjon spoke my mind.
It might just be because I also had a bad experience with being adopted, but I’m not sure I’d be 100% comfortable with adopting a child. I know how stressful the process is, how costly it is and that it can be put to a halt at any moment.

I wouldn’t be able to deal with it if I got attached to a child and then had it taken away from me. And I get attached quickly.

Plus, I’ve been talking about giving birth to a child since I was little.

With a biological child:
You know better the medical history of the parents.
You know the health the mother keeps as she nourishes herself/baby.
You know and can control to some extent the mental environment the baby gets accustomed to while in the womb.

I think these things are important and I agree with @blondesjon that many children don’t go to good homes. I sometimes wonder the statistics of adopted children versus those shuffled off to foster care/group homes. I’ve know lots of those types of kids and it was mostly all very sad. How many had mothers who had considered abortion until someone guilted them into “giving a childless couple the gift of life?”.

I’m really having trouble understanding why a parent wouldn’t know what their adopted child is thinking at any given moment. I suppose I also differ in giving genes more value than nurture when thinking about my kids. My youngest was born on my b-day and I never even remember the fact, nor do I think he’s exactly like me, even if he is a lot like me but that’s just me seeing what I want to see.

i guess you know a little bit more about what to expect, with medical things and growth patterens and stuff, but other than that, adoption is just is good

How can I explain? There are some very peculiar behaviors that you think you are the only one who does it. Then one day, you find out your father does it. Then you have a son. A few years later, you find out he does the same thing. No one else you’ve ever known does it. You know you know what your children are thinking in some situations where you could not possibly otherwise know, I know this sounds unconvincing, but I can’t think of any examples and I don’t know the words to describe it, but I can feel it is there.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I mentioned that because my adopted sister does not process information like the rest of the family, she does not have a similar sense of humor, her behavior is not predictable in the same way as the other children. With the other kids, it’s like we all have a window exposing our brain wiring and can just “get” each other… but not so with her.

Could it just be her? Possibly. Could it be genetics? I think so.

@wundayatta beat me to it.

@wundayatta Sure, that happens sometimes but is that an advantage other than a quirky thing?

I absolutely concede that having a biological is the “natural” way to go – thus the strong urge to do so felt by many people.

My point is that pushing beyond your natural urges and making a purposeful, logical decision to adopt one of the thousands of children without homes is what’s best for those children.

And while there are dozens of reasons to have a biological child (many listed above), none of them are about the child in my opinion.

The parents want to know their child’s family medical history – just in case. The parents want to look into their child’s eyes and see themselves (or their ancestors). The parents want to pass on their DNA or family name. The parents want to feel a super special bond with their child.

I understand most people feel these are valid and perhaps they are – but all any child wants is to be loved and raised with loving people.

All those other reasons don’t mean a thing to a child with no family.

And, as @Blondesjon illustrates, an adoptive family is no guarantee of a loving family – however there’s thousands of examples of biological parents abusing and mistreating their children daily. Shitty parents are shitty parents regardless of the child’s origin. Cancels each other out as far as I’m concerned.

My daughter says to me last week, “Bah, did all the children from my orphanage get adopted?”

“No”, I said, “some never do.”

She thought a minute and said, “Why doesn’t everyone adopt one of them?”

“Good question” I said, “good question, Boop.”

When I was a kid then most people thought babies given up for adoption were from mostly poor, single women or underage girls. Few people thought about drug babies in the way we do now, as commonplace.

The only advantage I can see is that you don’t contribute to the overpopulation crisis when you adopt.

We tried to adopt for a couple of years, and we have four adopted kids in my immediate family. So I am pretty familiar with the ins and outs of adoption.

First of all, I want to address “Lots of kids need good homes.” This is true. However, what most people don’t realize is that almost all of those kids are not what the typical adoptive parent is looking for. Let’s be frank. The typical adoptive parent wants a healthy, normal infant, usually of his or her own race, which is usually Caucasian. There are many, many more parents who want to adopt such a child than there are such infants available. Most of the children available for adoption have “strikes” against them- they are older (and the older a child is when adopted, the more likely he or she is to have behavioral problems when older), or they have handicaps or behavioral problems of some sort, or they are non-white. Or they are all of the above.

Among the four adopted children that my sisters have, all of whom appeared normal when born, only one is developing normally- a beautiful biracial 6 year old boy. One has Russel-Silver syndrome, a form of severe dwarfism combined with hypoglycemia and other issues, one is bipolar, and one has learning difficulties.

Most adoption studies show that adopted kids do have more problems, of various sorts, than biological children.

This is not an argument against adoption. My sisters love their kids and I love my nieces and nephews. I will always wonder how our lives would have been different if we managed to adopt. But it is an argument for realism and for being prepared and learning all you can first.

There are health advantages to pregnancy. I don’t know the exact statistics, but women that carry a pregnancy to full term have a reduced risk of breast cancer. Breastfeeding for a year or more also decreases the risk of breast cancer.

In addition to that, the bonding that most women experience during their pregnancy is different from bonding with an adopted child. I’m not saying that the bond can’t develop with adoption, just that it’s different.

I think adoption is a great thing and my husband and I have talked about adopting children once we are settled in one location (in addition to having our biological children).

If you need a kidney, bone marrow or a blood transfusion having a child will greatly increase the chance of having a matching donar.

I tend to think of the health and quality of life of child more than what benefit they’ll serve their parents. For this reason I think there should be more realism and less social stigma on abortion. I grew up with families who had adopted children and only one of those kids had no deep health or mental issues.

I agree with all @crisw wrote.

@Self_Consuming_Cannibal Interesting that you should mention having a child for a potential donor. A friend of mine and his wife did just that. Link

I feel it to just be an experience I wanted to have. And urge, a desire. I think adopting should be easier for those that are going to be great parents. I don’t understand why it cost so much or takes so long. I don’t think a person loves the child any less if adopted.
I think the advantage is definitely seeing yourself in the child. But, an adopted child can pick up on personality traits as well…
Having my children will always be one actually two, of the best things I’ve ever done in my life.

@casheroo

“I think adopting should be easier for those that are going to be great parents. I don’t understand why it cost so much or takes so long.”

I just wish that everyone had to go through what most adoptive parents have to go through in order to even attempt to adopt! Psychological check, home check, finances check, health check, interview, fingerprint check…if everyone had to do this there would be a lot fewer unwanted kids in this world…

Human instinct spreading selfish genes.

@Pied_Pfeffer I wouldn’t do that personally, I don’t even want children. But that would be an advantage.

@crisw See, but then you have to draw lines. Finances are tricky, it’s near impossible to determine how much you need to raise a family. And psychological check, what does that entail? No history of depression or anxiety? That’d rule out a lot of great parents.

@casheroo and @crisw I have a friend who has a history of depression. Her husband has a history of OCD. They were approved for adoption and are waiting to be matched with a baby. I can’t say for sure how honest they were about their psychological history or how much access the adoption agency has to medical records, but apparently you don’t need to be “perfect” to be approved to adopt.

Sometimes I think people should have to take mandatory parenting classes, but good luck enforcing that or getting it to be an actual law. If you are lucky enough to be able to have your own children, you have to be pretty messed up to get them taken away from you. If you want to adopt, particularly if you want to adopt a healthy infant and even more particularly if you want to adopt a Caucasian infant the standards are probably higher because the demand is higher. The friend I mentioned above was disgusted at the difference between the adoption fees for white babies, mixed race babies, and black or Hispanic babies. :(