General Question

skfinkel's avatar

Is it true that all men when getting divorced hide their money so they can pay less to their wives and children?

Asked by skfinkel (13511points) April 3rd, 2008

Do any men deal honestly and above board with the wives they are leaving? What do you think the percentages are?

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27 Answers

blippio's avatar

I know that many professional athletes have what are called “bitch accounts” (pardon the vernacular) they set up before they are married to shelter their wealth just in case (prolly offshore)

mzgator's avatar

Maybe some do, but in Louisiana, both incomes are added together. When you get that total, you go to a table which gives the amount the State says it costs to raise your child. That amount is divided by the percentage each parent makes. For example, if your combined income says it would cost 1000 a month to raise your child, and each parent makes 50 percent, than the non custodial parent would have to pay 500 a month. This table is written into our State Law, and it will not be deviated from by a judge. If the mother is not working, she still is considered to have made 20% of the income, so the father would have to pay 80% of the allotted amount.

gailcalled's avatar

My ex- (FCC) obeyed the letter of the law but not the spirit. Since I had been an equal partner financially and was privy to all information plus having been the family bookkeeper for 20 years, I knew what he did and was helpless to prevent it. He was slightly below “fair and reasonable.” The legal fees would have eaten up the profits if I had pursued the issues any further. So my attorney and I said “Uncle.”

Mzgator has a good point. Different states have different laws.

bulbatron9's avatar

When my parents got their divorce, my mom wanted everything to be divided “fairly”! My father was so devastated that he literally told her to take everything, including the farm, all of the horses, his Porsche, both of his businesses, and every penny they had. If I were in that position, I would probably follow in his footsteps.

As far as it being a male thing; I think there are a lot of women out there who are just as capable of these practices. If you are going through a divorce I’m sorry, and I wish you the best of luck through this ordeal.

skfinkel's avatar

I am not going through a divorce. Just know people going through this.

narussian's avatar

no it is not true, not all men do that.

jamms's avatar

I think its a high percentage who are honest. Not always because they are nice but because its expensive and difficult to hide money. You have to be doing it for years and cheat on taxes as thats what the courts decisions are based on.

Perchik's avatar

I’m going to say no on principle. There is nothing that all guys do. Absolutes suck.

cheebdragon's avatar

my dad did! His boss even helped him out by paying him mostly under the table until the divorce was final. My dads married to my former babysitter now…..long disturbing story…...

skfinkel's avatar

@Perchik: Forgive me the absolutist nature of this question—of course, not all anyone does anything. But what I meant was, I suppose, “most.” While you see people going through this, what one hears is: everyone does this. And no one volunteered guesses here on percentages of who do deal covertly compared to those who don’t.

pattyb's avatar

I would say a good % do. But you would have to be self employed in a cash business to really bury and hide your money. Or never let your spouse know how much you had prior to getting married. If you have a job that pays you with a check (most do) there will always be a solid paper trail. A good private detective would know where to look, and get a good idea of someones net worth.

crackerjack's avatar

I am with bulba and say that both sexes do it. As far as a high percentage, I am not sure. If it really was a happy marriage for at least a little while and it will be devastating to both then I would think it unimaginable to hide things in lue of your child and former husband/wife’s expense. But, if one has been a cheater all along and really never cared then the percentage probably skyrockets towards the side of hiding money or certain assets.

My father did not do this because, although, he is probably one of the worst father’s he still cared for us and wanted my brother and I to have a good life. He just doesn’t know how to show it, and cares more for having fun than being a true father.

smart1979's avatar

@ cheebdragon:

:O

Poser's avatar

I think it’s an offensive question. Several assumptions are made: men are the only ones who leave; men are the only ones who are dishonest; most men are dishonest and bad fathers. It’s like asking, “So, do you still beat your wife?”

So to answer your leading question, I’d guess that most men deal honestly and above board when going through divorces. I have no way of guessing percentages.

scamp's avatar

My wasband and I divided everything equally. No cheating, and no fighting. Everything was fair an above board. We are still very good friends. There are honest men out there.

susanc's avatar

I do know two separate fathers who simply stopped working as soon as they knew
they were going to get divorces. Went back to school, never got jobs. Wives raised
kids on one income. Fathers very nice to the kids but never bought them anything.
Revenge. I know mothers could also do this. But these guys did it while I was looking.

pattyb's avatar

A truly good person can find nobility in the most trying of times and with some perserverance, they will listen to the better angels of their nature.

cwilbur's avatar

Once lawyers get involved, divorce tends to turn nasty and adversarial. Both sides use nasty tactics, and this is just one of them.

skfinkel's avatar

I appreciate hearing both the ‘good’ sides of some people who, when leaving a divorce, deal honestly with their wives. And also the confirmation that there are indeed some who will do what they can to avoid paying a spouse a fair amount of money so she can get stabilized and on with her life and continue caring for her child in as healthy a way as possible.

It seems that if a woman relies on her husband for support when she is having a child, and that man decides to leave the marriage, he should be obligated to care for her financially. I am suddenly trying to figure out why anyone would marry.

Marriage used to provide stability for a mother and infant, but that seems to be evaporating. A woman with a baby is now forced to go to work to provide for herself and her child, regardless of the previous agreement she had with her spouse. New rules that I believe play very much against healthy child development.

cwilbur's avatar

@skfinkel: you seem to be assuming that it’s always the man who leaves, and the woman who’s desperate. I’ve seen a situation where the woman cheated, the man decided that it was over but tried to be equitable in dividing the assets, and the woman, who was at fault in the first place, took him to the cleaners. (The one good thing is that now, 12 years later, she’s still in therapy about how badly she treated him, and he’s moved on completely.)

I am not opposed to a woman having some help to get back on her feet after a divorce, especially if she decided to be a stay-at-home wife and mother. I am also not opposed to fathers being required to pay reasonable child support. But frankly, life is uncertain; even if the husband is faithful until the end of his days, those days could end when he is hit by a bus, and the wife needs to be prepared to step out on her own if necessary.

Marriage used to be about fathers trading their daughters to the sons of other men to cement political alliances. Then it was about a powerless woman tying her fate to a man she hoped she could trust. Now it’s about two people choosing to join their fortunes because they love and trust each other. I think the progression is in the right direction—and if a woman can’t trust the man she married to stick around, the legal status won’t change that much, and she has no business having babies with him.

skfinkel's avatar

@cwilbur. I like the progression you have developed in your message. It sounds right. I am still affected, however, by the early years of an infant’s life, during which time a nursing mother is needed pretty much all the time. The fact that many women go to work during this time is a development of our era that is not necessarily good for the baby or the mother—but is good if we have marriages that can’t be counted on. I’m all for women working, but not when she has a young baby. And I agree that sometimes it is the woman who is the one who leaves—of course that happens as well. But it seems to me that if that is the case, the woman will have to be ready to do some providing for herself. I suspect that the baby itself causes some men to lose their commitment to their wives, it being difficult for some to share the undivided attention they previously had received. I don’t know, it’s all very sad really.

Tone's avatar

The answer to any question of the form “Is it true that all ______ do ________” is no.

skfinkel's avatar

@tone: yes, of course, you are right. It was more of a hypothetical—based on what seems to be globally happening—not on rigorous numbers count. Thanks for the clarification.

Tone's avatar

@skfinkel – I would still argue vigorously with the idea that this seems to be “globally happening,” and the general implication in your question that most or even a lot of men (and for some reason not women) do this. Based on what? My point with the response above is that the question is so biased and contains so many unsupported assumptions as to make it nearly nonsensical.

skfinkel's avatar

@tone: I have been watching a divorce of a close person to me in the California courts. The process has been grueling, the quality of the courts very low, the sense is that fairness is out of reach, arbitrary, and clearly not watching out for the benefit of very young children. Studies that show that going back and forth between parents is not good for the child are ignored. In addition, what we are hearing and experiencing is fathers hiding money so they don’t have to pay, or asking for more (not necessarily wanted ) time so they pay less, since the courts have foolishly tied time with the child to the money paid for the child. From observations and conversations with others who have gone through this process, this is not unique.

All of which is not to say that fathers are not important—they are vital to the child. But the whole process has to support the children, and now it blindly supports “fairness” in a way that looses sight of the child.

I think I asked this question in some kind of desperation. The worst cases are the ones that end up in court. And these are the ones I am hearing about. It is possible that my use of the word “globally” was overstated.

maicelest's avatar

My soon-to-be ex hid money from me while we were married so I’m pretty sure he will do that for our divorce. I think you will know if your husband is the kind of guy to do that or not. After all, he is just a person, just like yourself… We all have different morals and attitudes. My ex would say that we had no money. I later found out during an argument that he was making a lot of money and not telling me, spending it on whatever he thought was right without consulting me.

tincansailorforever's avatar

I would not be surprised if this was correct. Greed rules most people, male and female and Money begats Greed. I must be either a ‘Schmuck’ or Stupid as it’s my conception that men (when children are involved) must take responsibility. Get a second and if needed a third job guys. Be Responsible, not a complete Ass.The time will come when your support isn’t needed and the days you went without will eventually end. Hardship begats Character.
Ask those of ‘Tom Brokaws” Greatest Generation what ‘Hardship’ is all about. Be a Man not a Klutz.

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