Social Question

tedd's avatar

Should I take this job?

Asked by tedd (14053points) November 8th, 2010

So I was recently dumped by a long time g/f. Its messy, yada yada, I’m really depressed and torn up about it… But this question only kinda involves that. Before she broke up with me, I had been looking for jobs in her city (it was long distance and I wanted to move closer). Well low and behold I applied for like my “dream job.” Its a Forensics job, entry level, doing exactly what I want to do. I’ve spent the last year working in an analytical lab as a tech to build experience, and I’m sick of it and ready to move on.

Well after she dumped me I broadened my job search out to all over the country, but I’m starting to get calls back from some of the jobs I applied for in Pittsburgh (her city). Well just as my luck would have it, the Forensics people called back, they want to set up an interview, and it sounds like they’re really interested.

Its my dream job. But how do I go there? Should I go there? Its the type of job I’d take anyways, but I’d be lying if I said no part of me wanted to move there based on some hope things would work out with the X. But even if I totally rule out the idea of moving there for her, and do it based entirely on the job (which would be the case if it were in any other city), how do I move to a city where the only memories/knowledge of it I have are based on her. Where I would be working literally 2–3 miles from where she lives? I wouldn’t see her if I didn’t try and I’m not the stalker type so I wouldn’t I guess. But just knowing that she was RIGHT THERE, which is something I’ve wanted for like two years, would be haunting.

I feel like fate is kicking me square in the balls, and since I’m already cripplingly depressed over the whole situation, its not helping.

What should I do?

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19 Answers

kimothyschma's avatar

Hmm I can see your dilemma. Maybe you should still go through with the interview. Taking action may make you feel better. And the employer might make the decision for you if they decide not to hire. If they do offer you the job then you can decide. You may have to turn it down if it’s too painful. But how will you know if it will be without staying there without her for a few days for the interview?

deni's avatar

I agree, I think you should at least go for the interview. If it’s your dream job, how often does that come along? And if you keep letting old thoughts of her rule your life it’s just going to be more trouble. Pittsburgh is awesome, and it’s not a tiny little town in bumfuck nowhere USA so if you move there it’s not like you can’t just move to a part of town you and her didn’t used to frequent. Look at the positive side: dream job!!!!!!!! Go for it.

marinelife's avatar

This is tough. How much is it your dream job? If it truly is and you are offered the job, I would take it.

Pittsburgh is a big city, and you can avoid her.

wundayatta's avatar

If you go there, you have to be very careful. You could easily end up torturing yourself about her. She’s gone. She’s not coming back. I don’t know anything about your relationship and I’m still saying that. You’ll have to let her know you’re there, but that’s just so she won’t be surprised if she runs into you.

This is over, over, over. You are torturing yourself believing anything else. You’ll have to find other things to do, which will be difficult in a new city, which may give you too much time to brood. Become a workaholic until you have enough distance. Or do other things. Just be aware that it will be very difficult to be there.

Your emotions are going crazy, and you probably can’t make any kind of good decision right now. My shrink told me to never make any major decisions (I wanted a divorce) while you are depressed. He told me to wait at least three months.

I know you don’t have that kind of time, so I tell you this just to make you aware that you may not be making the decision you would make if you were well. Go to Pittsburgh if you love that job. Just be aware there will be a lot of pitfalls in your way when you get there.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

You’re getting way, way ahead of yourself.

Take the interview. Ask yourself these questions after they make the job offer. Chances are, you’ll be “considered for the position”, and not make it anyway. At least you will have had the interview practice.

Go and take the interview. The girl doesn’t count… right now.

tedd's avatar

@CyanoticWasp lol, your confidence in my hirability is very encouraging.

Anyways I set up the interview, and its tomorrow afternoon/night. So this should be interesting. Shit just going to Pittsburgh NOT to see her and not seeing her will be pretty…. interesting.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

I’m really parroting what I now see @kimothyschma had already said in the first response, only more directly. I have no opinion on your employability, but I’m saying that you should take the interview, but without the ‘look ahead’ into ‘how will I handle my feelings about her’. Your focus needs to be on ‘how will I handle this job’. Otherwise, you’ll come off as preoccupied and/or overconfident.

You watch NFL football? Then you know what I mean when I say: Keep your eye on the ball and make the catch before you start to run with it.

I say, take the interview and nail it and give her a call later that evening, “Hey, babe! Guess who’s in town and about to be offered a great new job?!” Maybe you’ll scare her into moving out, leaving the place wide open for you.

Good luck widdat.

tedd's avatar

@CyanoticWasp hahaha, I think a phone call such as that….. yah it probably just wouldn’t work.

sigh29's avatar

@tedd So what’s the game plan? Can you stand going there and not contacting her tomorrow?

tedd's avatar

@sigh29 I’m already predicting an emotional break down on the way home…. but yah I think I can.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Pretend to yourself you live back in the olden times where you might be born, live your whole life and also die in one village. She is one human in whole modern city, surely you can find some other distractions until she fades out of your system? Go for the great job!

sigh29's avatar

:( Well, at least you’re applying for your dream job.. That’s something to look forward to. Plus, Pittsburgh was recently ranked the most livable city in the US. There is all sorts of fun to be had, I’m sure! Good luck tomorrow and keep your chin up!

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

I’m glad that you are going for the interview. I think that you would regret it if you didn’t and were left felt believing that this might have been the dream job. The key will be considering whether to accept an offer based upon the job and not the ex.

If it is the former, you can live in Pittsburgh and possibly never run into each other, or you may eventually end up in a friendship (as I once did in a similar situation). If your decision is to accept it because it is not only a good job, but you hope to rekindle the relationship, there is a big chance that it won’t turn it in a happily ever after story.

tedd's avatar

@sigh29 Yah that’s something I guess… sigh.

@Pied_Pfeffer I am so incredibly broken hearted and lost on that front, I don’t even know where to begin. I would take the job for me. I would turn down the job because of her.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

@tedd I once had the opportunity to hear an inspirational speaker talk about different emotions. I have no idea whether there is any truth in this or not, but it may be applicable to your situation.

The Brain” We can intellectually connect with information and develop an opinon on the right thing to do (take the dream job). *The Heart We can succomb to a decision because it draws us to it emotionally (take the job in hopes of a reconcilliation). The Gut Doing what you know is right, whether there is some rational explanation or not. Some call it a Sixth Sense; I just consider it the right way to go whether it can be explained or not.

My advice? Go to the interview and listen to your gut instinct.

YARNLADY's avatar

Yes, go for it.

tedd's avatar

Sigh… I’m not even nervous about the interview…just about my impending emotional meltdown tonight…. damnit

tedd's avatar

sigh…. all i want is for her to call and be like… “oh hey yah lets hang out” and for her to be happy with me again, and for me to finally be getting this job, and everything to be back how it was but better….. and now i’m not even going to get a good luck call…. or a how’d it go call…. or to see her despite the fact i’m gonna be like 3 miles away.

And I’m going to a job interview, hooray.

tedd's avatar

Interview went well… I think….. Car ride home….. not so much. If they call me back I may make another thread on this.

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