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peanutbutter97's avatar

Why does life have to be so hard?

Asked by peanutbutter97 (106points) November 9th, 2010

Just like. Why does it have to be so hard as a teenager. I’m thirteen and all I do is cry. There not hormones because I got to a counsler and he saiys there not. I’m kinda happy they aren’t but I’m tired of crying all of the time.

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15 Answers

filmfann's avatar

When people get into their 30’s and 40’s, they miss being a teenager. This is insanity, because everyone forgets how terrible being a teen was.
No car, no privacy, choose a career, find love, study hard, no money. Your friends aren’t supportive; as a matter of fact they attack at any sign of weakness.
You will get thru this, and you will be much happier. There are wonderful times while you are a teen, but the stress of it all can be overwhelming. Breathe.

peanutbutter97's avatar

Yea, I breathe a lot and my friends aren’t supportive now. They are over there making out with there boyfriends.

iambrooding's avatar

The best friends I’ll probably ever have are the ones I made as a teenager…I can count them all on one hand, but they’re the ones that made the cut into adulthood! When you find the true friends among your acquaintances you’ll have the ones that will help get you through almost anything. You’re crying because you feel lost and that’s perfectly okay! This is the time for figuring out who you are and you’ll find people – peers and adults who help you along the way. You’ll also find people who confuse and distract you so you have to figure it out – who’s constructive and who’s destructive to your personal growth. Learn from everyone. Learn from everything. Know that with everyday that passes, you’re a little bit stronger and wiser than the day before! Keep on keeping on peanutbutter97!

Seelix's avatar

It surprises me that a counsellor would say that you’re not being affected by hormones. Whose place is it to say that? You’re 13; your body is changing, your hormone levels are most definitely all out of whack from month to month or even day to day!

That being said, life is hard. It’s hard when you’re a teenager, and it’s hard when you’re an adult. As soon as you have to take on any kind of responsibility, life gets hard. All I can tell you is that it does get better. Focus on what’s important to you right now… try not to worry about what your friends are doing; peer pressure and a desire to fit in can be one of the most stressful factors for a teenager, but really, that declines as you get older.

I know it sounds kind of cheesy and cliche, but is there someone else you can rely on for support? You mentioned you see a counsellor, but what about someone else you can talk to about your problems (maybe a female? Females may be more sympathetic to typically “female” problems), like an older sister, mom, aunt, teacher?

I feel for you, and I hope you’re able to get through this.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Hey Peanut! Boy oh boy… I mean Guurl! Don’t you know that being a 13 year old lady is the absolute most difficult place to be in life? Nobody has it worse than newly teen young women.

Hormones aside, you’re at that age when suddenly you understand that all the fairy tale dreams from youth were a little bit exaggerated… and the adults in your life don’t know everything about life as they would have you believe. You’re thinking for yourself now, and wondering What the Hail is this all about?!?!?!?!?!

So you see your friends over there making out with the boyfriends… Part of you wants to be like them, and that’s natural, but part of you also realizes deep deep down inside that that ain’t what life is all about! You’re torn between feeling like you should be like your friends, and also questioning why your friends aren’t being really real friends when you need them to be… which of course make you wonder if you should really try to be like them!

And this is probably only one of many swirling jabberwocky messes that your beautiful mind is wrestling with. What to wear, how to act, who to be, and so much pressure from society pointing in a thousand different directions at once… Aaaarrrrrggggghhhhh!

The problem is that you’re smart. I’d bet you have a few special little things that you love, but they’re not the kind of things that your friends would value. You see the world differently than other people… Do you know why? I’ll bet you, yes you, are one of those very rare people that we call The Visionary.

The Visionary doesn’t always see things the same way as other people do. And that makes for an uncomfortable situation in early teen years. Well Peanut, I’ve got some good news for you. Not only will this time of your life pass quickly enough, but as you grow you’ll find that your success in life has far surpassed the teenage friends that think making out with boys is the way to happiness.

What’s the difference? They are discovering themselves through the approval of others. But you, Sweet Brilliant You, are doing it the hard way by discovering yourself through yourself. You’re getting the hard part out of the way early. And when your friends find heartache and trouble later, because they never really discovered themselves, YOU will be happily on your way to discovering the true beauty and wonder of the world, on your terms, because you cleverly discovered yourself without anyone else’s approval much earlier than they did, if they ever do at all.

A great and grand future awaits you Peanut. And hearing about your struggles now makes me very happy to know that a beautiful super intelligent young lady is forming out of that hardship, and will produce ultimately, another Visionary to help this world mature in the way it needs to.

Did you know, that when a blacksmith makes a sword, that the very strongest swords are first pounded and folded, pounded again and again and held to the fire right up until the last second that would otherwise ruin them. Normal swords are not treated this may. Only the very strongest most beautiful swords fit for Kings and great Warriors are smelted in this manner. They are works of art and last for centuries becoming more valuable every day.

You are that sword. And now is the time that you must endure a bit of pounding and heat. But rest assured, it won’t be much longer before you emerge as a functional and beautiful work of art. And all the world will be amazed at Peanut!

I already am!

CMaz's avatar

Life is not “hard”. Life is what it is. If you refuse to go with that flow of nature. It sure does seem that way. It still being part of the process.

It seems hard, when you compare it to what others have. That, not an intention of the process.

I have come to the conclusion that here and now are the best of times. No matter what. Because all life can be is what today provides.

iamthemob's avatar

It really, really does get better after your teenage years – maybe not perfect, but better.

One of the best things about getting out on your own is the fact that you finally get to associate with the people that you really want to, instead of the people that you’re kind of forced to.

loser's avatar

You’ve gotten a lot of good advice here so I’ll just: Try to look for the good parts. The little things that make you smile. It is hard but it will get better!!!

YARNLADY's avatar

You need a new counselor, the one you have has given you incorrect information.

wundayatta's avatar

For me, my teen years were probably the worst time of my life up until a couple years ago. No, the last couple of years brought me to hell and back, but I could handle it. When I was a teenager and I went to hell and back, it was the first time, and it was horrible.

The good news is that I got back from the gates of hell. You will, too. It may be hard to believe it, since this is your first time through, but whatever happens, hold on. I guarantee it will improve.

The other thing I wanted to say is that your complaints sound like depression to me. I would get that checked out—not by a counselor, but by your physician, who might refer you to another mental health specialist.

I think you should take your symptoms seriously. Do your parents know? If not, you should tell them (assuming you have a decent relationship with them). They can help you get to doctors and then to get any care that is prescribed.

peanutbutter97's avatar

I wish I could tell my parents but my mom is always gone to her boyfriend and she never has time to talk to me. I always try and try but nothing happens. At school, the only thing that can really make me happy is sports and occasionally when my friends aren’t making out, my friends. They don’t even care about me anymore. My counsler has told me so many times not to worry about it and its kinda hard not too. My life is torn apart. I’ve become shy and I don’t even like to talk to my teachers anymore.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

I guess you’re gonna have to settle for some new friends then. You can start with ones you make here, like me.

As your friend, I’m going to recommend you do something. Write your feelings down, just like what you said just now and leave a note somewhere for your mother to find and read it. Tell her you feel alone and really need her to be there for you, especially now. Tell her how you feel about her boyfriend, and even if you think he’s more important to her than you are.

Tell her how much you want to cry and ask if you can cry with her. Try your very best to patch things up with your mom. She needs it just as much if not more than you do.

Sometimes adults get sidetracked and lose touch with what’s really important in life. Being close to you is something that definitely needs to be reset. Let her read this thread and see if that helps her, and you, reset.

And what about your dad? If he’s around you should do the same with him, unless of course that’s just not possible.

I know a few teens who had to step up and become the adult in the family much much sooner than they wanted to. Many of them turned out to be the strongest most successful adults I’ve ever known. Some of them went wild and lost control to drugs and other bad stuff. How this turns out for you will be a test of your character. It’s time to build a strong character Peanut.

Do you have a local church? Is there a local Girl Scouts or YMCA in your area? There are organizations out there and you need to experiment with some of them and become social with well rounded adults and other teens who can be real friends.

peanutbutter97's avatar

I have had 2 dads and they have all tired to kill her. I do have a local 4-h club.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

The last I heard, attempted murder is a crime punishable by law.

The 4H club is a fabulous organization. You would benefit greatly from associating with them.

“The goal of 4-H is to develop citizenship, leadership, and life skills of youth through mostly experiential learning programs.”

Check them out Peanut! They need smart concerned people like you. You would be a great asset to them. It’s a step in the right direction. Don’t walk, run!

That’s a great idea you just had… Kudos to you smart girl! Really smart!

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