Will you tell me something nice, funny, or heart-warmingly happy, to cheer me up?

I got nothing, but when I feel that way, I squeeze and hug a pillow. It really does help. They’re all nice and soft and snuggly. ^^

Atheists Don’t Have No Songs

@Symbeline I do the same thing. I have a large body pillow that I cuddle with. I’m trying to figure out how to get a pillowcase with Simone’s picture on it.

Fiorello LaGuardia—former mayor of NYC, and after whom the NY airport was named—once worked as a judge in small claims court. An elderly woman once came before LaGuardia, accused of stealing a loaf of bread. LaGuardia asked her if she was guilty as charged. The woman admitted her guilt, but offered that she stole the bread because her grandchild was hungry, with nothing to eat. LaGuardia banged his gavel and said, ‘I find you guilty by your own admission. Your punishment is: $15 or 15 days in prison.” LaGuardia then turned to the spectators in the court and said, “I find each of you guilty of living in a city where a grandmother has to steal to feed her grandchild. Your fine is $10 each.” At that, LaGuardia ordered that a hat be passed around, collecting the $10 fine from each person. When the hat returned to LaGuardia, he took $25 from it and paid the grandmother’s fee, and dismissed her—but only after giving her all of the money that remained in the hat.

This one cheered my mom up a few weeks ago.

You know where the phrase “get your goat” comes from?

During horse races many years ago, we’re talking decades, possibly even centuries, it was thought that goats would keep the horses calm so people would traditionally steal their opponents’ goats thus “getting their goat.” :)

I’m not wearing pants. =)

I’m on the path to having a nerve block performed on my poor back! I’d say praise the lord if I was religious!

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 comes out in 10 days!

Milo was kind enough to leave his latest mouse du jour in a place where I was able to find it easily this morning without stepping on it.

@Vunessuh O rly? :D

On September 1st, a lot of people move. So moving vans can be in short supply. A guy I knew was literally sitting on the sidewalk, waiting in line for a van and he started talking to the girl next in line.

They were like-minded people. They figured out if they rented one van instead of two and helped each other move, they could save a lot of time and money.

A year later they married, and now they have a couple of kids!

@Symbeline – I have a pillow-sized bear that usually works, but I think I need a real hug. :\

@Rarebear – Thanks for that! I love Steve Martin.

@Pepshort – That was perfect! Nice and heart-warming. :)

@KatawaGrey – Ha!

@Vunessuh – Thank you for that pleasant image. :D

@faye – Congratulations! I hope your health improves.

@Kardamom – Really? Yay! I have a movie pass I’ve been waiting to use, too. Awesome.

@gailcalled – Thank heavens for small favors! Ick. Mine brought me a dead pocket gopher for the first time last week. I’m hoping it doesn’t become regular practice. Ugh.

@jaytkay – Aaawww. That was perfect, too. Thanks. :)

@MissAnthrope: How big is a pocket gopher? Where do you live? Ugh is right.

On Halloween, I answered the doorbell to a black cat escorting a tiny ballerina. The young ‘black cat’ called out “Trick or Treat!” in a sing-song voice. I knelt down with the candy bowl, and both selected a piece. A soft reminder was called out from dark front yard…“Say ‘thank-you’!” I was caught off-guard when the little ballerina toddled two steps forward and touched her lips to my cheek.

@Trillian – Oops! Sorry – I did not intentionally leave you out.. I thought I got everyone! I always love hearing the stuff kids say. They can be so funny. It sounds like your youngest is a little firecracker, I love it! :)

@gailcalled – They’re kind of small, maybe 3”-4”, like hamster size.. haha, remember the mampsters? That’s them. I live in Lafayette, a small pocket of country in the SF suburbs. There is usually at least one small creature invading my room every day. I live in Wild Kingdom, apparently.

@Pied_Pfeffer – Oh, that is too cute!

@MissAnthrope I love you. <3

I will not be visiting the Bay Area any time soon. :-D

Did you hear the one about the man who walked into the psychiatrist’s office wearing nothing but plastic wrap?

Shrink says: “Clearly, I can see your nuts.”

Buh dum ching.

You are lurved, honey.

@Blueroses – Hahaha. <3

I don’t actually know if this story is 100% true, but I read it somewhere and it made me smile:

There is a famous Ethiopian long-distance runner named Derartu Tulu. She had been a successful and competitive runner for a long time, but by the age of 37 she had not been winning races for a while and was ready to retire.

However, she had 2 biological children and had adopted 4 more. So she decided to try to win the 2009 New York City marathon, knowing that the prize money ($130,000) would be a huge help in raising her children. So she entered the race and started training.

Just before the race, she learned that the current world-record holder, Paula Radcliffe, had also entered. That meant her hopes of winning were all but gone. She continued training anyway, and soon enough race day came.

For most of the race, Tulu was behind Radcliffe, as she expected. But then, around mile 22, Radcliffe’s hamstring seized up, and she was forced to stop. It was Tulu’s big chance.

But when she saw Radcliffe sidelined, Tulu stopped. “Come on, we can do it,” she said.

Radcliffe couldn’t do it. Her hamstrings were in too much pain.

So at the age of 37, Tulu went on to win the New York City marathon. And when Radcliffe crossed the finish line in fourth place, Tulu hugged her and congratulated her.

I don’t know if you saw Miss Austen’s Party Favor Fish story a few weeks ago, but thinking about it makes me chuckle every time. Even the phrase “Party Favor Fish” keeps me laughing when I need to.

Christmas is only a month and a half away. HO HO HO

I had two deer in my yard this morning. I’ve got to watch them growing up all this year. In the spring they weren’t much bigger than a very small dog, with spots and all. Now they’re about four feet tall, 1.25 m.

That Christmas is only a month and a half away makes me cringe, and now I need happy stories!

@john65pennington

“HO HO HO”

What does Xmas have to do with prostitution? ;-)

Brian, female Santa Claus at the Hootchy Kootchy Club. whatever.

@MissAnthrope I love you. Still. :D

@MissAnthrope How are you doing Punkin? Has the black cloud passed yet?

OH HAI!!

@augustlan – Love you, too. You’re wonderful. <3

@Brian1946 – Ummmm… yay? Ha. And on your second post – Good call. There is always a place for a good ho joke. ;)

@nikipedia – That is a great story and I am going to believe it is true because I want it to be. :)

@JilltheTooth – Thanks! I had missed that and it was hilarious!

@john65pennington – That’s a good thing? sorry, I am The Grinch.

@Adirondackwannabe – Aaaww, that’s lovely. :)

@faye – Agreed!

@john65pennington – Redeemed!

@Pied_Pfeffer – Yeah, I think I’m gradually feeling better. You have helped that happen, so thanks. :)

Nice + funny + helpful x smart(ass) = MissAnthrope
I’m seriously proud to call you my friend

D’awwwww… shucks. Same back at you, lady. :)