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tedd's avatar

Ok so I was offered the job, do I take the job in the city of my recent X g/f?

Asked by tedd (14073points) November 10th, 2010

I was dumped a few weeks back by my long time g/f, and its REALLY got me down (you can read my past threads if you’re interested). Anyways prior to the break up I was trying to get a job in her city (Pittsburgh, I live in Columbus). The job is literally my dream job, a position in a Forensics lab. I’ve spent the last year building experience at a crap job in an analytical lab to make my resume look good. Well go figure after she dumps me they call me back and yesterday I go there and interview. Then this afternoon they call back and officially offer me the job.

It would be a pay raise from what I make now (though only at my main job, if you take into account losing my part time job it’d be less money, but I could probably get another part time). Its literally the dream job for me as far as what it is. After she broke up with me I applied to other Forensics labs across the country but have yet to here back from any others. The problem is I am such a mental mess over the break up and the sort of early mid life crisis it put me into. The drive back from the interview… was awful. I cried the entire first hour and was just a mess the rest of it. It took all of my will power to not call her while I was there, or drive by her dorm or something stupid like that. Which doesn’t have me too confident in the idea of actually moving there permanently.

So the question is do I take this job? And if I do, how do I move to a city where I know no one, and all my memories/knowledge of it involve her, and she lives a few miles from where I’d be working every day….. without having a complete mental break down?

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24 Answers

Adagio's avatar

removed by me

Response moderated (Personal Attack)
jaytkay's avatar

Holy moly, I can’t believe you are hesitating. Take the job. You are fcked up from the break-up either way, and I say it’s good policy to throw yourself into your work when your personal life sucks.

Seaofclouds's avatar

I’d take the job and then get counseling once you get health benefits to help you get over the relationship. Once you get into the new area, start exploring and find new things to do that don’t involve her.

KhiaKarma's avatar

You’ll create new memories, your memories. So what cha waitin for? Sounds like a cool job! Good luck!

Haleth's avatar

Holy crap. Take the job. That’s such an amazing opportunity! Most breakups are between people living in the same place, not long distance relationships. Almost everyone has an ex or two living in the same city, and yet somehow they get by. All my exes for the last five years are in the same metro area with me, and I have yet to run into any of them. Pittsburgh is an awesome city and it’s great that you’ll get to live there working your dream job. When you’re there, stay busy and active and you’ll meet new people soon.

Randy's avatar

Pittsburgh is a big city full of lots of people. It’s easy for someone to get lost in the crowd. It’s not that hard to know when something is damaging to your mental health. Realize you’re better off with someone who doesn’t want to be with you and take the “dream” job.

wundayatta's avatar


If it truly is your dream job, take it.

As for the woman—you gave her clamydia. You don’t have a chance. Get some therapy. Learn how to let the obsessive thoughts go. You’ll be fine.

tedd's avatar

@wundayatta The mods pulled it after I clarified. I never gave her the clap…. I found she was “keeping tabs” on all of my fluther posts in secret and thought it would be a good way to call her out on it.

mowens's avatar

You should stay in Columbus with your friends. (I.E. me Dan, Kyle, ect,) Plus I hate Pittsburgh. As you know, I learned very recently that your dream job is not worth losing your life over.

On the other hand… I wouldn’t have learned that had I not done it. I was also lucky enough to have my old job jump to take me back at the same pay. All I could think about when I was traveling was how much I missed my friends and being able to hang out with them. But, if the job is truly awesome… it may be worth it.

YARNLADY's avatar

I suppose it depends on how badly you need the job. I don’t see that your old life would have any connection to your new one.

mrlaconic's avatar

Man i know the pain from a breakup but as others have said you are going to have that pain wherever you are until you get through it. I’d be willing to bet that the new job would be just what you need to get you started down the path to recovery though… its a passion for you now that you got it take it and when you start you’ll feel like a million bucks.

All that and NY and Boston are not to far away so good places if you need to bounce.

mrrich724's avatar

Take the job and tell yourself not to be a creeper and do things like drive by her place.

Two negatives don’t equal a positive in this case (losing her AND giving up your dream job.

Garebo's avatar

Great opportunity to get your ass goin in what you like to do. Forget about her she’s in the rear view mirror my friend. Trust me there are more where she came from and I would venture to say even better. Go grab life by the balls!

BarnacleBill's avatar

Take the job. See if you can start January 1st. Use the time between then and now to find a counselor and get out of this tailspin you’ve gotten yourself into.

This is your dream job, and you need to take it. Move your life in the right direction. Find a place to live on the other side of town, away from the university. Find a volunteer oopportunity, join your college alumni club in Pittsburgh, check out the meet-ups. Set yourself up with a plan for socialization before you get there, so you’re busy. Between that and work, your preoccupation will be less.

Jeruba's avatar

Most people are already in the same city with their ex when they break up, and they have to go on living there. I can’t see that you’d be any worse off than that. It doesn’t take very long at all to lay down some new history on top of old.

Just stay away from her street and the places you know she hangs out, ok? Pittsburgh is a pretty big town. (And if she’s in a dorm, that suggests she won’t be staying indefinitely.)

Congratulations on this great opportunity. You must have done a good job of pulling yourself together when you went for the interview. Wherever you got that strength is a resource that already belongs to you. Go ahead and use it. (I agree that getting some counseling lined up is also a good idea.)

john65pennington's avatar

Your heart may be broken, but this job offer may a once in a lifetime for your future. who knows? maybe destiny made this situation develope for a reason. have you ever thought about that? a lot of us guys get dumped, but you cannot let this interfere with your good judgement and reasoning. take the job. you may pass her on the street and she may realize she made a mistake letting you go. everything in life has a reason. i say go for it.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Take the job!! :)

wundayatta's avatar

@tedd You used the clap to call her out and you think you have any chance whatsoever of getting back with her? You are having a serious break with reality, my friend.

Go do your job. Do what you’re good at. Relationships can wait.

tedd's avatar

@wundayatta I’m already of accepting I’m not getting her back, hence why i’m devastated. But I’m not a fan of being essentially spied on and fed advice under a false name.

wundayatta's avatar

@tedd It’s the internet. Can you say you’re surprised? You remind the spy vs spy cartoons that I read back when I was a youth. Both side’s hands are soiled by dirty tricks. Well, it extends the drama, and some people need that kind of thing to feel like they are living a life that matters. I know I have tendencies in that direction.

tedd's avatar

@wundayatta It just seemed to me, that if I was going to try painfully hard to not talk to her at all and give her the space she wants…. it kind of is pointless if she’s just going to watch me pour my heart out on fluther from the shadows.

wundayatta's avatar

@tedd That’s her problem. If she gets her jollies from seeing how much she hurt you, that’s her problem. Yours is to get on with your life.

RandomMrdan's avatar

Tedd (matt), I, knowing you since Junior high, know that you probably started searching for this job, in this particular area due to having a girlfriend in that area. And deep down inside you’re probably hoping to get back with her upon moving there and taking a new job.

This might be the first time you’re offered the job you’ve been looking for, and what might appear to be a huge opportunity for you, but it certainly won’t be the last job offered to you in this field, I can assure you of that. Columbus is a big city, and I’m sure you’ll be able to stay here with all your friends and family, and find a good paying job that you’ll enjoy closer to home.

Move on, there are plenty more fish in the sea. I know you’re just missing her, and part of you probably wants to be with her again, and you’re probably thinking that taking the job will be the first step into getting back with her again. I’ve seen this cycle repeat where you’re sad for a long period of time, thinking she was the one for you. But, I don’t think there is ever a “one”. I’m sure you’ll meet someone new sometime in the near future, and will have forgotten all about her in time to come.

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