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truecomedian's avatar

Is it a commonly known fact that one-night-stands should stay one night stands?

Asked by truecomedian (3932points) November 13th, 2010

Don’t mean to sound piggish and I’m sorry for my double question marks, it’s become my trademark. Ok, so, I’m under the impression because I’ve learned from somewhere or someone, be it the media or some drunken bar conversation with a man older than I’ll ever be, that when you have a one nighter you should sneak away like a thief in the night. Also that you shouldnt try to stay friends with this person, partly based on the logic that you were both drunk and werent in your right minds. That unless you can manage to stay drunk, it’s just not going to work out. Is this true, and is it common knowledge??

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25 Answers

marinelife's avatar

No, not at all.

Sometimes a one night stand can lead to a relationship.

Sneaking away like a thief in the night is totally rude.

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Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

If that’s the rule, please don’t mention it to several of my friends who ended up with their SO that way. One, an old roommate, hired a private dectective to track down the one-nighter armed only with the color of his truck, that he was doing construction in the Chicago area, and his first name. The PI located the guy, and she called him up. The check she used to pay the PI is now in their wedding album.

chyna's avatar

No, my one night stand ended in marriage.

GeorgeGee's avatar

Every relationship is a one night stand, until it isn’t anymore.

truecomedian's avatar

Well maybe making friends shouldnt be done when your too drunk, because your not really yourself. Hope this isn’t an example of a minority being made to look like the majority because Ive had bad luck with this. Though my longest relationship began that way. Should have stayed with her, would have had the perfect shame marriage, she would have made a great first ex-wife, she would turn any guy gay.

nicobanks's avatar

I think people should largely respond to the situations life presents them with on a case-by-case basis.

A rule about sneaking away after a one-night stand is stupid because, as you can see above, one-night stands do sometimes lead to something more. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a one-night stand that ends with a sneaking away – that can be good sometimes, for both parties involved. If I bring someone home and don’t intend to hang out in the morning, I’d be pretty happy to wake up and find them gone.

I think the most important thing is that both people are on the same page about intentions, going into the one night stand. And to have minimal expectations. If you enter into a situation like this, knowing you’re the type who’s offended when a person sneaks away in the night, you’re just setting yourself up.

If you have expectations, you really must express them, otherwise your disappointment at having them dashed is entirely your own fault.

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HungryGuy's avatar

I’ve had both kinds.

I played with a girl on what was intended to be only a weekend adventure, and it turned into a several-month affair. It failed because I live in NY and she lived in Cleveland, and commuting to Ohio by Amtrak every other weekend was too much of a strain. She didn’t want to uproot her kids to move to NY and have her kids go to inner city schools, and I didn’t want to give up my good tech job and move to Cleveland.

Another time, I played with a girl for just a few hours on a Saturday afternoon. Before we met, we agreed that there would be no contact afterward so that there would be no misunderstanding or hurt feelings.

wundayatta's avatar

Is a one night stand a relationship where you only have sex for one night but know each other either before or after or both without ever having sex again? Or is it a relationship where you only know the person for one night and have sex?

chyna's avatar

@wundayatta I would say the latter.

LuckyGuy's avatar

I’m in my 50’s and never had a one night stand. Did I miss anything? I was always in a relationship and after “the event”, we both wanted more.
I thought a one night stand stayed that way because one or both partners didn’t feel it was worth repeating. That never happened to me. I consider myself a lucky guy.

By the way I can still meet any of my old girlfriends on the street and not have to hide in shame. It’s nice.

nicobanks's avatar

@wundayatta I would say both. And I would say that one night can extend to a weekend (2 days) and still classify as a “one-night stand.” If it extends beyond 2 days, it’s a “fling.” But all of this irrelevant of whether or not you have an other kind of relationship with the person (friend, professional, etc.) before/after.

iamthemob's avatar

What @GeorgeGee said.

That is going to be my new mantra

CaptainHarley's avatar

It’s extremely rare that one-night stands result in any sort of lasing relationship. But if you think the two of you could become friends, by all means pursue it. Stranger things have happened.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Your question is more about being a drunken sot than having casual sex. I’ve never heard about this “rule” but also don’t have much experience with one night stands, drunken or otherwise. From what I’ve overheard then a lot of one night stands are very exciting and the partners view it as a stroke of luck and/or fate to have met each other that way. My money’s on the folks who pair up for relationships afterwards.

Joybird's avatar

That idea is rubbish planted by someone who either wanted to discourage one night stands or whom didn’t desire to have any deeply meaningful relationships at all and just trolled to use people sexually. Many long term and significant relationships begin from the moment of meeting and that includes meeting and having sex on the first encounter.

zenvelo's avatar

hmmmm. When I drank, if I ended up at someone’s place I was usually in no shape to be leaving until the morning, so no sneaking out. But while most times there was not any understanding of continuing the relationship, I always left the door open to the possibility.

Having quick sex and then sneaking away is kinda rude, don’t you think? Have a higher opinion of the pleasure of your own company, at least be a little polite.

HungryGuy's avatar

Yes, I hate it when they rush away right afterward. I think it would be most pleasant to sleep together and cuddle the rest of the night. But it does seem to be one-night-stand protocol for the visitor to leave right afterward and not stay the night.

Smashley's avatar

I always stay the night, and If I don’t actually have somewhere to be, I usually prefer to go out for breakfast and discuss things, laugh about the night before and get to know the person a little better. We don’t necessarily end up being great friends, but at least we get everything out in the open. If, in the morning, I feel like I’d like to see them again, I let them know. If not, I’m just as direct. No point being a dick about it. Politeness isn’t a bad policy, but I’ve found honesty is much more appreciated. It’s just sex, after all.

MissAnthrope's avatar

The only “rule” in sex – hell, in relationships in general – is to not treat people like shit. Pretty much everything else can and should be dealt with on a case-by-case basis.

One night stands with girls, I love naked cuddling and falling asleep afterward. Guys, sorry to be such a stereotypical guy here, but I am out after the deed is done. I don’t know, I just have no desire to cuddle or be affectionate with men.

tedd's avatar

I have had it go both ways. Neither is set in stone.

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augustlan's avatar

I married one of mine, so… nope.

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