Why am I just a "friend?"?

How old are you?
Do you have good hygiene and dress your best?
Are you too nice? A mature, respectable woman doesn’t usually want an asshole, but being a pushover is no good either.
When you like a girl, do you let her know?

Also, not asking for naked pictures shouldn’t be a plus in your favor, it’s just a sign that your friends are asses.

Perhaps you’re going after the wrong kind of girl…

I ask for naked pictures.
Sometimes they send me naked pictures WITHOUT me even asking :-/

The fact that you lioked them at one point but don’t now indicates a lack of seriousness of felings, so it shouldn’t matter to you. Do you really want a girl who can be “got” so easily? A girl that anyone can have for the asking really isn’t worth all that much.
It’s pobably more what you have that your friends don’t which is standards, ethics and a sense of decorum. When you find a girl worth having, I’m sure you’ll becapable of making some extra effort in recommending yourself. Forget about the passing fancies; they pass, and sometime what they pass is a virus.

a girl worth having is not easily obtained,

that being said, even if she’s really hard to get, and when you do get her, she’ll only break your heart

things will come in time, young padawan

as to why you’re just a “friend” is maybe, don’t take offense, you go for the wrong girls, or make it not so obvious. a girl puts kids into friend zones cause they’re lazy as fuck and whatnot. you gotta treat a girl special, but not TOO TOO special ( or they’ll run away most likely), otherwise they wont know that you have a thing for them.

@Likeradar I’m 22 right now. I have really good hygiene. I’m always too nice to females. I compliment them every now and then. And I’m anything but the asshole type of guy. I’m the complete opposite. My friends are actually the assholes, but they get a mess of females. I’ve been learning to not be a pushover. I was like that a lot in the past, but not much right now. When I like a girl, I do let her know, but I’m usually shot down with the “friend” or “best friend” card. Haha I see what you mean there.

I believe that taking awhile to get into a serious relationship is excellent. Many people spend years with each other before making big steps. You’re hanging out with the right people. These kinds of processes should take plenty of time.

@The_Invisible_Man don’t be an asshole, just be yourself. don’t compromise being yourself and what you want and then you won’t be a pushover

@BarnacleBill I might be going for the wrong girls. A lot of them doesn’t really seem to care, or appreciate me in the end.

@HungryGuy Haha. You seem to be quite the fortunate fellow. I’ve never received any naked pictures, but my friends brag about how easily they get them all the time.

”...but they get a mess of females.” Again I point out that the females that are so easily “gotten” are not worth the effort. Tomorrow, someone else will “get’ them, and next week, yet someone else. Is this really what you want? Do you want to perceive yourself as the bigshot guy with a different skanky whore on your arm every week? Set your sights a little higher. That type of girl will not be so easily had by your asshole friends.

@Trillian I’m usually always serious about the girls I like, but when it comes one, two, or three years liking a girl, and she doesn’t keep in contact with me. That only tells me that they’re not interested in me. I message one to check up on how she’s doing, and it’s like I’m a stranger to her now. Like I did something wrong, when I’ve only been there through every one of her hardships. What I don’t get is why she would put me so low on the pedestal when I’ve always had her so high. She’s not the easy type of girl to talk, or get with, but other girls I was interested in was.

And I don’t really want a mess of females. All I want is one. And that’s something I’ve never had before. But like people are saying on her, the good ones are the hardest to find. I’ve never dated anyone before. And the reason for that is because I’m waiting on that “right one.” I don’t want just any girl. I want a girl who is amazing to me. Not just some girl who’s after sex, or is an attention whore. I want a female who loves herself and her body. And I don’t want to perceive myself bugshot. I just want to have someone. I have set my sights high. I really wanted (and still want) the girl who I’ve set high on the pedestal. She was hard, but true. I don’t know how she is now because she doesn’t want to talk with me for no good given reason.

@chickoo What you say is true. When I did get that one hard to obtain girl to like me, she did break my heart, but I broke her’s too, so we’re even I guess.

And I’m making sure never to run down the path of an asshole. It’s just not my style. I’m going to keep being nice no matter who likes it or not. I know there are few people out there who appreciate kindness. So I’m sure not going to change myself just to get one person(s).

@The_Invisible_Man – Well, it helps to be a writer of kinky horror stories about women in precarious erotic dilemmas :-p

@Fred931 You’re right about that. And that’s the sort of thing I’ve always followed. I tell people that all the time. I know a lot of young friends, and they just rush into relationships, then end up getting hurt. But you know. What I’ve come to find out is that some people like being teated like crap. I really don’t know why though. Maybe it’s the attention they fear they’re lacking.

Anyway. I’m the type to work slow. I;m just waiting on the right girl to come in who thinks, somewhat, the way I do. That’s when I know I can truly connect with her.

@HungryGuy Whatever keeps you going I suppose haha. I’m a writer myself, but I’m more of a poetic, adventure type of guy.

i think you have too many ideals of what you want.

you should just forget your ideal chick, cause you’re definately not gonna find her.

just go out, you’re 22. legal for alcohol. go to a club, meet some girls. don’t expect a long lasting relationship from them though. just be friends with them, maybe have some fun with them, but if you’re looking for a girl like what you’re talkin about, maybe get to know their friends that DONT go clubbing.

or just hang out at a place of your interest and talk to any cuties that chill around there – my friend played video games 24/7 at a local lan cafe, and he is in a relationship with a cutie. they both play the video games, so its a win-win situation!\

edit: off topic i know.

Maybe this will help. Sorry, I couldn’t leave it alone, but at the last minute I opted for the laugh.

@chickoo I know haha. What all I want in a girl really do seem pretty farfetched. Guess I’ll just go to a club then and just find a girl to have fun with. Might as well since you only live your life once. Maybe I’ll get lucky and find a girl. Who knows.

And I do know of a girl who’s a gamer, and she’s pretty awesome. Only that she has a boyfriend now. And she mentions him every time we talk. So that’s a lost cause for me lol

@Trillian Hahaha! Thanks for the link. It really did help some. That was a pretty nice video/song lol

I don’t really know, I don’t really like the question, seems loaded to me, like a set-up. Like I know this guy has it better than I do, even just being the friend. Time, time will change this for you. You’re going to meet someone, but I can’t say how special she’s going to be, you spoke of naked pics like it was a norm. I don’t know, is it? You’re the invisible man and you’re asking why you don’t get noticed. You need to search your self and find out why. You know the answer to this question. It’s easy, you just don’t want to speak it. Maybe you don’t always say the right thing and do the right thing, and you need to realize that that’s ok. I know for me that I have made some terrible mistakes in my life and because of that I am missing out on so much, I accept that. I know if I try to fight that I will just tire myself out, I just can’t win. You’re not feeling like that are you, like you just can’t win. Your looking for a commited relationship and you still got your training wheels on baiting fools like me to spill their foolish guts. Peace man, good luck at least ok, don’t know if you’re a good guy or a bad guy, but I’ll gamble and wish you luck. I’m done.

As @HungryGuy says, it does help to be able to write a bit of “erotica” as he calls it. But you can write other stuff, and the women will find you. I think what you need mostly is to be honest—to the point of rawness—in what you write. But it’s not a trick (and I don’t think you need gimmicks), it’s got to be true.

I didn’t read the whole thread here, but I skimmed and I got the impression you are a gamer? I have heard so many stories about gamers meeting other gamers online and ending up getting hitched. So stay patient. Game away. It will happen.

Also, whatever else you are interested in—find places where a lot of people do it. You’ll meet women sooner or later who may be what you’re looking for. Holy cow! I met my wife the first time I ever went to the dance workshop I go to. That was a quarter of a century ago, and we still go dancing (although I haven’t met anyone else there), and that’s where all our friends are.

I met my first love because we were both writers. My second was the best friend of the first (after the first dumped me). The third I met at work and we shared political points of view, and the fourth became my wife.

I never met anyone at a bar, although I only tried a couple of times. However, it seems to me that the kind of person you meet at a bar is likely to be a drunk, or medicating themselves, and besides which, I don’t really like drinking all that much. People who need to use drugs in order to let down inhibitions have some serious barriers to get through before they are willing to be intimate without being medicated. It’s a big challenge.

This is not to say that people who don’t drink don’t have intimacy issues. It’s just harder if drinking is the way they keep the pain away. So favorite things to do—that’s where you go to find your woman, and be patient. You will not always be just a friend.

Friendship should never be undervalued, seriously.

My partner was my friend long before we became lovers. In fact I wouldn;t want to have a partner who wasn’t a friend first. Keep those friendships and cultivate them. You never know where they might lead in a year or two.

I tend to shy away from these types of questions for a couple of reasons. Firstly, there’s no certain manner with which to attract someone; there are simply too many variables involved and the frank truth is that some people just won’t be attracted to an individual. Secondly, whenever giving advice on the matter it’s seemingly impossible to do so without making sweeping generalisations. With this said, there’s something I feel would be worthwhile clarifying.

A cliché that’s increasingly difficult to describe to people is to “be yourself”. When making this suggestion it often comes across as almost ridiculously obvious; afterall, how can you be anyone other than yourself? But I believe it’s far more complex than that.

Based on my experiences, attractive people tend to be those who are brutally honest with themselves because this typically leads to realisations and consequent alterations in their behaviour. And as their behaviour is altered over time, so long as they remain genuinely honest with themselves, said behaviour tends to more directly reflect them as an individual. This generally causes feelings of happiness and confidence which then naturally contributes to the persons attractiveness.

The difficulty lies in actually “being yourself”. With societal pressures and strenuous lifestyles playing a considerable role in modern society, it’s all too simple to use false modesty or a few faked gestures to get through the day (I remember my Grandma always saying it’s the people who don’t feel the need to smile even when a joke’s funny that are happiest) and in many cases this is fine. But it’s in falling into bad habits with regards to these “fake displays” that we have issues.

As I implied initially, attraction is an extremely complex phenomenon. Physical appearance, intellect, social status, ability, attitude; these are all elements that decide whether a person is attracted to you. But of all the elements that i’ve observed in action, the one that makes some of the most significant difference in attractiveness is how honest an individual is with themselves.

Conclusively, my advice to you my friend would be, pursue the girls you’re interested in, be it by befriending them first, by searching for a short or a long term relationship, by going to hobby groups (basically most of the fine advice given previously here) etc, but do so while being yourself. I guarantee (within a 5% possibility of the results being acquired by chance) that if you do so you’ll atleast have a more pleasant time searching for a partner.

@truecomedian I am indeed feeling like I can’t win, but you know. After reading what you, and someone has told me on here, I don’t feel half as bad as I did before reading all this. I appreciate the friends I do have now. Even if they were females who’ve liked me, and is not really attracted to me anymore. I don’t have any communication with most of them. But with the three who actually put in the effort to say a word to me every now and then, I’m still cherishing me communicating with them. It may not be the same, but at least it’s something. But I really don’t know if the naked picture thing is normal. I really wouldn’t know, but guys I’ve talked with on other sites, and my friends around here speak of it a bit. And I really do feel for you with your situation and all. I really do hope that things can get better with you soon.

@wundayatta I think I’ll give that a shot. I have all the time in the world. So why not? It will be a good way to express myself, and a lot of my situations clearly. And I am myself when I’m around females, or any for that matter. A lot of times I’m shy in front of females, so I shy away and such. A lot of times I’m not myself unless I actually know the female on a certain level, but I will try to change that right now. It really does get tiering to conceal myself from the people I want to talk with the most. I also need to get out more too. I find it awesome how you found your wife. Hope you guys are happy right now.

@Adagio I will always keep that in mind. Friendship really does matter. I can’t believe I forgot about that. I was so worried about why they leave me, when their friendship matters so much more. Thank you for making me realize this.

@downtide I’ll definitely keep that in mind. Thanks.

@Nially_Bob

he knows his shit.

You attract women by being superior in their eyes to other available men in ways that matter to those women. Being “nice” does not make you superior because anybody can be nice. Being nice is enough for friendship but it’s never enough for more than that, unless you’re the only available man. (That doesn’t mean you should not be nice, but you have to offer more than just niceness).

What matters to women? Some combination of physical attractiveness, good character traits, common interests, shared values, wealth, social status, talent, etc. —not necessarily in that order. How important each of these are will be different for every woman. On top of that, some people have hang-ups that they can’t or won’t get over. For example, some women just don’t find short men or skinny men attractive, no matter how much they like them as friends.

You’re 22. What have you accomplished? By now you should have developed some of your talents, if you have any, and you should have begun to show some promise, if you have any. If you haven’t, it’s not too late. Make something of yourself, and women will come to you.

You seem to have one particular girl in mind, deeply. Anyone you know who also knows about this girl is going to know where your heart lies so why would an available girl who esteems herself be interested in getting involved with you? To be compared to The One you pine away for? To be a running joke as a stand in for your broken heart? People want more than attention and politeness, they want to be genuinely chosen for themselves and not as a hopeful distraction from your desperation or sadness.