Social Question

Jude's avatar

For those of you who have lost both parents and don't have a close family, do you ever feel that you're all alone?

Asked by Jude (32185points) November 17th, 2010

I have good friends and I have a loving partner, but, I don’t feel that I have that family to go to when I want to share good news, nor when I need that soft place to fall. You know what I mean, friends and partners may come and go, but, you always have family.

It scares me.

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9 Answers

iamthemob's avatar

Individual friends may come and go, but there are generally a few that stay with you for life. And even if they don’t, you’ll always have friends in general.

The amazing thing about the gay community at this point is that, because of the frequency (declining, thankfully) that gay men and women are rejected by their biological families, there is a general sense that you build your family from the community, and through your partner, rather than are born into a family you don’t choose.

Family often, regardless of whether you come from a loving and close one or not, is a unit that ends up being a lot like your workplace associates – you wouldn’t necessarily like or hang out with them if you met them outside of the construct of the family.

I haven’t lost my parents, so I will admit that. However, I know that there are people I go to for comfort for different things, that know me in different ways, and I trust for different reasons. Unless they all disappear, I will miss each of them individually, and have lost and missed some of them at various times – but I will never feel alone.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Both my parents are dead and I can talk to my sister about some things (you know the one-the tall girl whose @ss I want to beat XD) but she doesn’t know everything…Friends can sometimes be more like family than family:) I have different friends that I talk to about different things.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I’ve watched families that tore each other apart for various reasons, so a family alone doesn’t guarantee somebody has your back.

partyparty's avatar

In a perfect world it would be lovely to say family were always there for us, but quite often that isn’t the case.
Friends can be closer than family at times.

cookieman's avatar

Yup. My father is dead and my mother is living her life apart from me (we were never close anyway).

I have friends, but none I can talk to about anything of substance (they’re more really good acquaintances) – and I see/speak with them infrequently.

I have my wife and can talk to her about anything – but it’s not fair to burden her with all my shit. Plus, I spend half my time emotionally supporting her.

There’s my daughter, but she’s eight – and my emotional well-being is not her problem.

So yeah, I get what your saying.

aprilsimnel's avatar

I am incredibly lucky, let me just say that.

You know my deal with the BM/BF/guardian and family of origin and whatnot, so I won’t go into that, @mama_cakes, but I will say that I had a familial vacuum and it’s filled now. The surrogate family I gained in Queens when I first moved to NYC has been my rock, especially Mom and Dad (RIP, both) and 2 of the sisters. One, along with her husband, I can almost call my 3rd set of parents. When people see pictures of me with that sister and her husband, they think those two are my parents. They’re the right age, too!

Beyond that, I understand where you’re coming from. For the few years I had no family while at uni, I felt utterly alone. I had nowhere to go at holidays. Breaks were spent working or deal with drama that I had no one to turn to for emotional support. You can cultivate those relationships with certain friends I think, just be open to it, and trust yourself that you can trust others.

Berserker's avatar

My dad’s dead, and I miss him a lot, and my mom hates me lol. But I don’t feel alone or all depressed about it. Stuff happens, what am I gonna do. There’s some few other people in my life, and even if there were not, I like being alone, and I’m probbaly a sociopath anyways. XD

thekoukoureport's avatar

Never knew my mother, left my father at 14. I find it hard to comprehend the different feelings and emotins that come with strong family ties. The only way I have been able to come close is the feelings I have towards my wife and kids. I’ll never know the comfort of running to my mom or any blood relative for a shoulder or a hug.

Thats ok though cause I can always hug myself…... OH and a loving dog. ;) (as pictured)

Sunny2's avatar

As you have discovered, family is NOT necessarily always there. Some families are close; some are not. For a long time I have realized that I am basically alone and that’s all right. It just means I have to take care of myself. I have family and friends, but they will not always be able to be there for me. Nor will I always be able to be available to them. Find your own strengths and feel good about them. Be as good a friend as you can be. And be good to yourself!

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