Social Question

MissAnthrope's avatar

Do you have anything you would like, or need, to get off your chest?

Asked by MissAnthrope (21462points) November 22nd, 2010

Since this is Social and I just know someone’s going to make the joke, let me just get this out of the way..


On to the point of my question!

As I was lying in bed while on hold for an hour this morning, my mind was wandering. One thing I was thinking about is how someone reading my journals would probably have a completely wrong idea of me because I often write things I feel that I can’t share, especially to those in my real life.

However, the act of putting the thoughts and feelings into words and getting them out of your head can feel like a huge relief. So, I thought, wouldn’t it be nice to have a place to dump some of the things you feel you can’t share with people in your real life?

My hope for this thread is that we can all be kind and supportive to one another. Judgment and snark at a minimum, please.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

45 Answers

free_fallin's avatar

I spend entirely too much time online, not doing work. I’m always checking certain places to see what I’ve missed and if the people I enjoy chatting with are around. It feels like an addiction though I haven’t put off work or spending time with irl friends to stay online so I guess it isn’t completely like an addiction. I’ve been too sensitive lately. I’m working on mending my broken heart. It all still hurts, even if you’re part or all to blame. I wonder if I like people more than they like me, in any sense. I think I waste my time on people and things. I spend so much time convincing others that life is great that sometimes I come close to forgetting. I love being there for my friends. I cry when they cry. I hurt when they hurt. I want to meet the people I’ve gotten close to, and so I will. I think 2011 holds adventures for me, I always thought that but I thought the adventure was going to start off differently. I wonder if you can ever change people’s minds, make your case so completely that they have no choice but to change. I embrace the flaws and I wish people could seriously push something aside and embrace the love they feel. Throw away their fears and distrust. Just embrace it already. I’m not fucking perfect. I am going to disappoint you. I am going to always be as nice as I possibly can be because I care, because my heart is full of more love than hate. I am fucking sick of seeing complaints. Everywhere I look there is someone complaining about something. It isn’t easy, I know, but decide today to change whatever it is you keep complaining about or move on. You don’t really have any other choice. I am a sad panda, and I am not used to it. I’m not the sad panda. I am always the happy panda. I was offered a job about a month ago in New York. I didn’t tell anyone this. It was a fantastic opportunity, but at the time my focus was on moving West rather than North. I turned it down. I don’t know why I thought everything would turn out alright. I’m worried about a friend right now. He hasn’t been around and isn’t answering my texts. This is unlike him. I worry he’s cut the world off because he mentioned it a few days ago. I hope I am wrong. I fucking hate feeling stuck. I have the means to move anywhere I want but I struggle with making a decision. I can’t base a decision off someone else, it has to be for me. I am Lauren, the ever indecisive person. I have bored you all with this drivel. More and more I wonder what it would be like to leave it all behind.

submariner's avatar

Holy crap, don’t even get me started.

MissAnthrope's avatar

@free_fallin – Thanks for taking the leap and being the first. You and I seem to have quite a bit in common and I can completely relate.

@submariner – Would it make you feel any better to get any of it out? If so, spill it.

tedibear's avatar

I did something today that I have done in the past that I am not proud of. Yet, I keep doing it and I don’t know if it’s out of paranoia or a desire to know the whole truth. I feel like there have been lies of omission and yet, it may simply have been to help save my self-esteem. Not just to save him some hassle. Then again, maybe it’s not. I may be jumping to conclusions and yet, I may not. Part of me wants to have a confrontation, part of me wants to wait to see if there is more evidence. And all of me wishes that I hadn’t been rather PMS upon this discovery. That fuels the paranoia. I really hate that this is making my stomach hurt.

MissAnthrope's avatar

@tedibear – I’m pretty sure I know exactly what you’re talking about. I have done it, too, and funnily enough, used very similar language to describe it without wanting to name it. I imagine you’re feeling some shame and dislike for yourself for having done it because it’s not something people react well to. I hope you get the answers you seek.. or, actually, I hope that you feel more secure in things, so maybe you won’t be tempted.

tedibear's avatar

@MissAnthrope – I think my best course of action is to wait to see if there is more evidence or if this was just a “one off.”

Aethelwine's avatar

@tedibear (hugs)

I was about to tell my story, but the children are home now. Hopefully I can return later.

MissAnthrope's avatar

As soon as I wrote this question, I drew a blank (sorry about that). I would like to confess that I can’t stop doing what @tedibear did, involving my ex that I still have feelings for. It makes me feel super crazy and awful. Despite that, I can’t seem to make myself give it up, which makes me feel even more crazy and awful.

Supacase's avatar

I have a friend I think I want to cut off contact with. It would be easy since a falling out has created distance between us for the past couple of months. She makes me feel bad about myself, my daughter, my husband and my family as a whole. A lot of it is to make herself feel better. I understand what she is doing with her profile pics on FB and other little things that are geared toward me – I am not stupid. I met her for the movies last night and, when she saw me, she said now she didn’t feel so bad about what she was wearing.

So why not just cut the line? It makes me feel like a failure. A failure at friendship. And I am a good friend, damnit! I need to realize that being a good friend doesn’t make for a good friendship – I can’t do it alone.

deni's avatar

i am really emotionally needy. i hate it. i cant change though….its just the way i am and have always been. i cant DEAL with not seeing my boyfriend on a daily basis. generally i don’t have to deal. even if it’s even for a minute if i get home at work at 11 pm and he’s 99% asleep. i just need that one minute. i just need to know he’s there. anyhow he’s flying to the east coast for thanksgiving, wednesday through saturday. and i won’t be able to get my mind off of it. it’s because i’m lonely and i have no family and only a few friends in this town. and it’s a holiday. i’m cooking the whole meal with a friend of mine and i know thanksgiving will be fun but it’s the times i’m alone that i really really can’t deal with. it’s not because i think he’s cheating on me or ANYTHING like that at all! i guess i am realizing that i am a lonely person in general even though i have plenty of people in my life i care about. but it’s like i put him on a pedestal way above everyone else. and getting home from work to an empty house (well, a cat) ahhh i just have the hardest time. and also i’ve been serioiusly emotional lately. that won’t help. i’m trying to change…i mean, before i moved here we were in a long distance relationship and i didn’t see him for months. i look back and have no idea how i did it. i guess because i had to. i don’t know what my problem is. thanks for asking this question though. it was nice to type it out.

also i hate working. never did before but…as of late.

Aethelwine's avatar

@Supacase My SIL and mom don’t get along. My SIL makes little digs towards my mom on Facebook, as if the rest of us aren’t supposed to notice? I hate it. :(

I’ve come to despise Christmas and hope for a blizzard every year so we don’t have to go anywhere. We used to have a nice family get together every Christmas Eve at my parents house, that is until my SIL came along. My sister’s girlfriend has three children, and it suddenly became all about her children. The entire family used to sit together in the same room, eat together, and play board games. Then the complaints came that her children were bored.

Now they insist on having the party at their house so the kids can hole themselves up in their bedroom playing video games. Is this what Christmas is all about? They say they want it there because there is more room. My ass. The family was divided between the dining area and the living room. Same amount of room as my parent’s house.

Please, please, please….. let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

Sarcasm's avatar

I hate that I can’t share the feelings that other people have. I never experience any emotions on the level that others do. I can’t genuinely empathize or congratulate, and it makes me feel even more alienated.

I applied to a school up north, but instead of getting excited about it, I just tossed and turned all night worrying I’d get rejected. I have to wait a week for a response, before I’d let myself get excited.

MissAnthrope's avatar

I just remembered what it was that spurred me to post this question.

I have a jealous nature. I fight it and try to be reasonable, but jealousy is such a primal, gut reaction for me. I’ll get a flash of jealousy even before I’m able to form a thought. I try to tamp it down and keep a handle on it, as I hate that I’m like this and because I know it can be a very ugly trait.

I’m eaten up with jealousy right now, so bad that I can almost taste it when I think about it. The problem is that I shouldn’t be jealous, I should be selfless and happy for the person. Instead, I feel mean and angry. I want what this person has so badly that it makes me want to scream, mainly because they are so happy and bubbly that it’s constantly rubbed in my face.

A while back, I felt this way about this same situation and ended up going over our relationship with a fine-toothed comb until I convinced myself they obviously didn’t consider me as or treat me like a true friend. I ceased contact for a few months until I got over it, which makes me kind of a bitch and hypocritically, not that good of a friend. We started talking again and I thought I was cool, but nope. It’s in my face all the time. I want to be happy and not eaten alive with jealousy.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Nope. Nothing to share here. Not that I’m without problems mind you. Just don’t have any to share with anyone.

Cruiser's avatar

Nobody will ever know exactly how you feel inside and all the writing in the world will never get the point across plus they will probably not even read it if you did take the time so don’t even bother. They are your thoughts anyway and best kept to yourself!

free_fallin's avatar

@Cruiser Was this in general regarding the question? I completely disagree with you. It seems you’re suggesting people bottle their emotions, which is physically and mentally unhealthy.

chyna's avatar

@Cruiser I wish more people would share their feelings. It would keep a lot of the guess work out of relationships.

MissAnthrope's avatar

@Cruiser – I agree with @free_fallin, as would any person who has benefited from therapy, journaling, talking to friends about problems, and so on. I respect your viewpoint, but it is at odds with pretty much the entire field of psychology.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Sharing feelings is one thing. Sharing problems is another. Some of us would rather spend time fixing our problems (or drinking them away) rather than spend time telling others about them.

MissAnthrope's avatar

Okay, look.. I’m not going to lie.. I’m a bit irritated that you felt the need to post here – a thread with a specific purpose and a request for how it would go down – in a way that runs contrary to my request.

I don’t get why people can’t just not post in a thread when they really have nothing to say regarding the topic at hand.

Oh, and drinking your troubles away is such a healthy way of handling your problems.~

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

I’ve flagged my comments as unhelpful and requested them to be removed. Sorry about the trouble.

MissAnthrope's avatar

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies – I bit my tongue after your first post because I thought, Fair enough, he’s answering the question. The second post really was unnecessary and as I said, runs contrary to my request in the question details. I dislike the judgmental tone. If you don’t think sharing is valid, you are entitled to your opinion, but I humbly suggest you find another thread that more suits your fancy. Some of us DO think sharing is valid and I personally would like to foster an atmosphere where people feel comfortable doing so.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Where was the judgmental tone? The only judgmental tone here is your italicized “such” in your comment “Oh, and drinking your troubles away is such a healthy way of handling your problems.~”

You were either being serious, or sarcastically judgmental. I don’t suppose you really believe that drinking problems away is healthy in any way.

Michael_Huntington's avatar

I have a crush on someone on this site, and all I want is to hang out with her irl one day. Maybe at a park or a museum. I doubt this will ever happen though, but I feel better letting my emotions out. Thank you @MissAnthrope for making this thread.

MissAnthrope's avatar


free_fallin's avatar

@Michael_Huntington o.O I hope you get the chance to spend a day irl with her!

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

“Some of us DO think sharing is valid and I personally would like to foster an atmosphere where people feel comfortable doing so.”

That’s what this whole freaking site is about.

Cruiser's avatar

Very astute @free_fallin…people in fact do bottle their emotions to the detriment of not only their lives but those that really need to know what it is you are feeling. It is a fault of human nature to preserve the status quo. Very few people have what it takes to tell it like it is without something kept in reserve just to preserve the peace. Most unfortunate.

@chyna Hang tough and hold the course there are bright spots in life well worthy the grief and aggravation.

@MissAnthrope I appreciate your need for precedent in text for guidance in life, but I find psychotherapy was built around job security for the therapists vesus a few well placed “snap out of it slaps” that can be as effective in righting the course of life. I have seen far too many people zombiefy themselves by letting a therapist control their feelings and emotions.

MissAnthrope's avatar

You know what else? Here’s something I’d like to get off my chest. I don’t ask a lot of questions here. I’m a nice person. I play well with others. Chances are, I’ve probably tried to help you in the past more than once.

I don’t ask a lot of questions for three reasons. One, I’m pretty good at Google and I usually figure things out myself. Two, I realize the question I want to ask is lame and not a good start for discussion.

And three? Well, this thread is a perfect example. I don’t know why I can’t have good threads where people play nicely. Aren’t I a good member of this site? Don’t I play nicely on your threads? Don’t I respect the rules laid out by a question’s poster about their idea for the thread? So tell me why, on my questions, there’s always at least one person who has to come in, go contrary to the question details, go against the grain, and then ruin everything? Maybe I should just give up on asking questions entirely.

Blueroses's avatar

I have a crush on the OP! :-)

hugs, sweetie. Don’t let the turkeys get you down!

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Yes, I’d like to vent how much BS I think it is for doctors to prescribe a multitude of highly addictive drugs to supposedly wean people off of existing addictive drugs they already abuse. What the hell! Don’t they know the last thing addicts need are sleeping pills and painkillers to ease them through withdrawal? The only upside I can see is the Dr. prescribed drugs are less expensive than the ones the addicts buy on the street.

Joybird's avatar

I’m reading this and all that comes to mind is that commerical where the ex marine therapist says, “Let’s all take a walk over to namby pamby land you jackwagons…...want some tissues…you sissies!” LOL I say this with the alot of love. I got smack I could share about too but I already vented about them in today…..I’m all shared out!

Aethelwine's avatar

@MissAnthrope I agree. Sometimes I hate asking a question because someone always needs to be the Debbie Downer. Example (my favorite): I asked what the tooth fairy gives for a tooth these days and someone comes in and says that lying to children about the tooth fairy is bad. Such a magical time for a young child. ugh! Some people just like to hear themselves talk, they don’t care about anyone else.

Joybird's avatar

@Cruiser I was one of those therapists with a brick of plastic cheese that I would pull out of a drawer occasionally while commenting….“you want some cheese with that?” . One of my supervisors also wanted to know how come so many of my “suicidal” patients settled right into skills training so quickly and why they ceased to test for suicidality in post tests and I told him it was because I offered to drive them to the bridge.
Of course you don’t always want to employ irreverence. People do need to be heard and often do need some sort of advisement. But occasionally irreverence is so much more beneficial.
I’m actually hanging from a rope in Tarzan dress swinging back and forth like a monkey over this whole conversation.

muppetish's avatar

@MissAnthrope This question is actually what I needed today. I’ve had a rotten day. I’m on the verge of a nervous breakdown and have a tension headache. I spent the majority of my day on tip-toe, trying to avoid conversations with everybody because I feel like I’m going to snap at any moment and just spew all my insignificant little problems out. Thank you for asking this question. Really.

I’m petrified of applying for graduate school. Not a little nervous. Not anxious. Petrified. I am reaching the point where I am not sure I will get my applications finished on time. My GRE scores were less than stellar and I worry they will negatively impact my chances. I keep worrying my statement of intent sounds pretentious or worse, boring. I’m afraid of asking people for help, especially my professors. Everyone keeps telling me, “What are you worrying about? You’ll get into any school you apply to!” but it’s too hard a daydream to buy into. I feel as though I’ve come so far that failing now will just crush me.

I’m concerned I am investing an unhealthy amount of my spirit into one of my friendships and feel utterly ridiculous about the whole thing. I don’t want to post the details because this feels too public a venue. I’m supposed to be working on mending a separate relationship and taking the big step forward, but no. It’s as though I am planning on sabotaging myself ahead of time. I don’t even know why I am worrying about this since nothing is happening. When left to my own devices, I guess I go out of my way to make my life miserable. I don’t know why I have to make things difficult.

I realize that I’m the only one holding me back, that I need to suck it up and get my stuff sorted out, but everything feels so impossible to control right now. All the negative feelings from earlier this year are beginning to surface again. I want to turn the volume down.

nikipedia's avatar

Word, @MissAnthrope. It seems like every question I ask, no matter how carefully worded, invites a shitstorm of stupidity. But there are enough smart people with good answers to make it worth it. Usually. Well. Sometimes. Okay, occasionally.

Anyway, yes, I would like to get some things off my chest:

(1) I fucking hate the shit out of Dell for sending us a computer that DOESN’T WORK and is going to hold up our research for FUCKING WEEKS WE ARE SO CLOSE TO SUBMITTING THIS STUPID GODDAMN PAPER ALREADY.
(2) I put up with so much shit from my roommate and now that I’ve told her I’m moving out I’m dreading going home and I really don’t fucking want to see her. And she has made me super self-conscious that maybe I’m the bad roommate and no one will ever want to live with me again.
(4) I broke up with my stupid idiot ex-boyfriend 7 months ago and I have a new boyfriend who is not a stupid idiot and I still kind of miss my stupid idiot ex-boyfriend sometimes.

@muppetish: If you need help with grad school stuff, hit me up. Even just a pep talk. I remember that stage. It sucked. But if I could get in, anyone can.

Joybird's avatar

@jonsblond “Debbie downer” is one of my favorite expressions. Makes my students laugh. By the way don’t you think the dentist should have given me that tooth he pulled for the toothfairy? I bet dentists are raking it in off the tooth fairy.

Okay should I disclose because I’m way off topic. Today I have this student come to me about a project that shouldn’t have even been told to students at all because it’s still in the conceptual stages. I come to find out a coworker decided he would back door my project and attempt to run with it. So I have never pulled the rug out from anyone in my life. I figure it you want it that bad you can have the hassel of it. But today I decided that I could manifest a far superior outcome than this joeblow and so I went into the principle and laid out my detailed plan and asked her how to proceed. So now it’s legitimately my baby and I have a formal proposal to write up with the drawings of 4 outdoor murals as well as how to use students in a work program and get grant money to pay me for the installations and the materials.
I had to vent about it all morning before I worked up the courage to go to my superior. And now I have to make good on the follow through or I will look like an ass and a failure. But it may be a good time to also look into fulfilling another request for several murals elsewhere. I think I may be on a roll.

AND…..I was supposed to facilitate a series of small groups tomorrow with the help of one or two other staff and come to find out today that I’m on my own with it. WTF?????? It’s not that I can’t do it…it’s the principle of the thing. Don’t ask me under the quise that you will work WITH me and then bail the last minute. WTF????? LOL

And I’ve been diligently following the Weight Watchers program since Saturday and I’m feeling a little hungry and only have 3 points left tonight and I haven’t lost a goddamned pound yet. WTF????? LOL

That’s enough venting for MOI!

Joybird's avatar

And you know what…I signed up on….and everyone looks but apparently I must be pathetic because NO ONE winks. :( What a reality check THAT is. I’m going to go ahead and divorce and no one will want me. Hahahahaha.

DerangedSpaceMonkey's avatar

Yes. There’s this little annoying hair that just won’t go away. Dammit!!! By the way, why would anyone want to get their boobs off their chest anyway? LOL

Blueroses's avatar

Annnnd… very petty annoyance… during the holidays, every f*ing commercial has a damned doorbell ringing and my dogs go crazy every time!

christos99's avatar

I wonder why do I have to spend a minimum of $10 at the local convenience store using my debit card. All I wanted was was chewing tobacco to relieve stress. Instead, the chewing tobacco caused me stress, and more than 10 bucks (buying things I didn’t want otherwise)... WTF :)

Cruiser's avatar

You are the kind of therapist I would seek out when my mojo was taken hostage by a world gone sane. ;)

Supacase's avatar

Another thing. My hair has changed. Maybe it is my medication, maybe it is stress, maybe it is a natural thing. Regardless, it sucks! I used to have beautiful hair, now it is such crap.

MissAnthrope's avatar

What I learned yesterday is not to go all day without eating because it apparently makes me a bit loco en la cabeza. I apologize for any unseemly behavior, but I love you guys so much! You totally saved my thread! Big, squeezy hugs to you guys, f’realz. ♥♥♥

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