Social Question

nikipedia's avatar

Is this a lie, or, how much information do you really want?

Asked by nikipedia (28049points) November 28th, 2010

Let’s say I have a friend who had an embarrassing but non-serious problem that made her unable to have sex, like a yeast infection. She was, at the same time, extremely swamped with work and on a very tight deadline.

She told her boyfriend she couldn’t have sex because of all the work. Later he found out about the yeast infection, and jokingly (but a little seriously) said she had lied about the reason she couldn’t have sex.

Is this a lie?

Also, dudes, would you prefer to know about the yeast infection, or be protected from this information?

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16 Answers

jerv's avatar

Personally, I am happy that my wife and I have the sort of relationship where we can share that sort of information freely. I will grant that sometimes little white lies are warranted, but in this case, I have to wonder how close/committed those two really are. IMO, you shouldn’t be embarrassed about stuff like that around someone who has seen/touched/tasted your naked body unless the entire relationship is purely sexual and totally casual.

iamthemob's avatar

Depends on whether she would have had sex with him without the yeast infection.

If not, then no.

If yes or probably, then it was a lie.

But I’m sure that he appreciated that she did.

marinelife's avatar

I can see why she wouldn’t have wanted to tell a guy she was dating. I would reply to him: I lied only by omission. What I said about work was true. It was that plus the yeast infection, which I thought you would rather not hear about.

tedibear's avatar

It’s a lie of omission. I would do what @marinelife said. For me, I would have to be comfortable with the person before I started talking about having a yeast beast.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

It entirely depends on if it was actually a lie. If she said, “I can’t have sex because I’m swamped with work”, and it was true, then no, it’s not a lie. If her schedule was so busy that even had she not had the infection she still couldn’t have slept with him, it’s not a lie. If, when she said she couldn’t sleep with him, the infection was an actual reason she didn’t sleep with him (i.e she could have made time, even with being swamped with work), that’s when it becomes a lie.

john65pennington's avatar

Listen to this. women get yeast infections, like teenager have acne. it’s a natural part of a womans life, simply because there are three connections, at one junction(if you know what i mean). women easily get yeast infections as easily as wiping after urination. the closeness of the parts can spread it from one location to the other.

Its part of a woman life and a man should understand and learn to deal with it.

The woman was actually trying to save herself some embarrassment.

DerangedSpaceMonkey's avatar

A half truth is a whole lie. I’m not judging her, but I believe it was a lie, but I understand why she did it.

MissAnthrope's avatar

It sounds like she wasn’t going to have sex with him anyway, due to being swamped at work, so I don’t feel it was a lie. If they are newly dating and she doesn’t yet feel comfortable discussing a potentially embarrassing, private health matter, that’s perfectly understandable and she found a tactful way to avoid the subject.

However, I feel like there should be a point in a romantic relationship where the two people feel comfortable enough with each other to discuss these kinds of things. If they aren’t newly dating, say they’ve been together for enough time where she should feel comfortable divulging a yeast infection, then that’s a bit weird and more along the ‘lie of omission’ line. I personally would feel a teeny bit hurt that she didn’t tell me the full truth. Still, I feel like the work would have kept her from sex anyway, so it’s not like she lied to get out of it or anything.

I know I’m not a guy, but when I’m in a relationship with a woman, I care about her and her health is my business, you know? If there’s something going on, I would like to know, so I can support her, help her deal with it, or even just be understanding. It’s admittedly a bit different when you have two girls in a relationship and I like that. The ones I’ve dated have been easy to talk to about various health issues and it’s really, really nice to have someone who understands the various female conditions that get in the way of sex and other things.

flutherother's avatar

When I was a kid I remember my father telling me that there were white lies and there were black lies. White lies were those that didn’t cause any harm, and on the contrary were often told to spare someone’s feelings. Your untruth would fall into this category.

Personally, I would like to be told about the yeast infection. If you are intimate enough to be having sex you are intimate enough to be told such things.

wundayatta's avatar

What’s the big deal? It’s a yeast infection. Is there any reason to be ashamed? Just tell the real reason. No need to prevaricate.

I don’t think it’s a lie. It’s just a prevarication. I would not feel lied to. It would be completely understandable, although I’d explain it really wasn’t necessary. I can handle it.

Russell_D_SpacePoet's avatar

It is a lie. Not a white lie. Maybe a gray lie. In most situations the truth is better.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

It’s not a horrid kind of lie. For some people who are comfortable having casual sex with people they don’t know well then this is probably really commonplace.

janedelila's avatar

Oh hey…a guy can catch a yeast infection, and give it right back to you. I always tell if I am communicable, if it applies.

Dutchess_III's avatar

He needs to get over it.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Truth is earned. He obviously hadn’t earned that degree of truth from her yet. He only earned the right to know whatever truth she shared with him. Accusing her of lying is a poor attempt to cover the fact that he hadn’t earn her truth.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

When I was working at a doctor’s office, we had a patient who got a yeast infection. Her boyfriend refused to believe yeast infections happen naturally, and thought it was only transmitted through sex. So he thought she cheated on him. So maybe that’s what he’s thinking, and in that case, he needs to learn the truth.

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