Social Question

wundayatta's avatar

What is your relationship with your parents like now?

Asked by wundayatta (58525points) December 9th, 2010

Clearly, parents play a pretty important role in our lives, but some of us have better relationships than others. For example, I have a somewhat distant but forced amiable relationship with mine. They never abused me, but they never made me feel safe or acceptable, either.

What is your relationship with your parents like, and how did it become the way it is, and what has the impact of that relationship been on your life?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

33 Answers

boxer3's avatar

sometimes my dad and I but heads.
because we are exactly the same
aside from the fact he is a male and older
but really as Ive aged my parents and I
get along quite well.
they’re supportive, and I love ‘em and
I consider myself lucky to have them.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

They are both gone now,but I got along very well with both of them and loved them very much :)

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Oh my gosh, now that my dad is dead, our relationship is the best, whew! Things with mom are tense as always, she’s a very critical person and nothing will ever change that. Regardless, I have tried to hug her more lately just to show appreciation for the fact that even though she thinks there is everything wrong with me, she’d never throw me out of the house like so many dumb fucking parents do when they learn their teens are queer or trans here in NYC (and everywhere).

Cruiser's avatar

I almost never see them but do talk with them once a week. They were and still are great parents and my mom is always a riot to talk to! They adore their grandkids too!

ucme's avatar

With my Mother things are fine. My Dad though, well they were divorced when I was six. Haven’t seen him in years. His loss!

Blackberry's avatar

I met my dad for the first time when I was 22, and we just talk on the phone every few months. I talk to my mom every month or so. I don’t see any of my family much anymore being in the military, but I kind of like being alone and on my own – at least for now.

phoebusg's avatar

Mom—we’re very close. Can talk about anything without limit. Have a mutual relationship based on understanding and reasoning (instead of authoritative).
Dad—we’re fairly close. Mended our relationship, it’s been through a lot. He still talks in tangents and is sometimes very hard to talk to. Continues to be a difficult person but is softening up more finally. There is decent communication. He’s still not fully open about how he thinks/feels, you’re more likely to find out things from his close friends than him directly.

But all around, not bad. Could be far worse.

YoBob's avatar

I have the good fortune of having wonderful parents.

Alas, my mom passed from leukemia in the 80’s so my current relationship with her is not as close as I would like.

My dad is still kicking. We get along just great.

tinyfaery's avatar

Ugh. As a child, my mother was neglectful and my father was abusive. Up until my mother’s death a year ago, we had a superficial, amicable relationship. We got a long as long as we never spoke about anything of consequence. Since her death, I haven’t had much of any kind of relationship with my father. I’ve spoken to him maybe three times and have seen him once.

I’m not sure what type of relationship I want with him, if any, at this point.

crazyivan's avatar

Wow, @wundayatta “forced amiable relationship” pretty much sums up my relationship with my folks as well. I feel the warm glow of toleration whenever I’m near them… No real issues to speak of but we don’t have that “call on your birthday and holidays” type of relationship. Hardly ever talk to my dad and generally only hear from my mom if she notices a misspelling in my blog.

Wow… I gave you GQ but now I want to take it back… you’ve inadvertantly depressed the hell out of me ;)

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

I am and always have been very close with my parents. In recent years they have both changed in a way that I never really expected, and that has forced a bit of a wedge between us. We are still close, but, things have changed.
My father and I are probably closer than we ever have been, although we have always butted heads. I think we are entirely too similar and as a result there will always be this power struggle between us.
My mother, well, she’s my mother. I love her. She is not the person I thought she was, or maybe even the person she actually once was. I have lost a great deal of respect for her over the last few years… but I love her, nonetheless.

crazyivan's avatar

@TheOnlyNeffie I’m of the opinion (and this thread seems to be backing me up) that if you didn’t butt heads with your dad one of you were doing it wrong…

daytonamisticrip's avatar

My relationship with my mom and Dad are very different. My mom is more like my emotionally abusive care taker than a mom. She puts a roof over my head and food on my plate but at the same time threatens to take it away from me and she plays other stressful mind games just to get on my nerves. My Dad lives far away but we have a closer relationship than I have with my mom. He calls me anytime he can and he supports me. Right now he is trying to gain custody of my brother and I.

BoBo1946's avatar

Good. Mother is 87 in good health for her age and see her at least once a week. She lives in a very nice assistant care home about 20 minutes from my home. Dad died in 1990!

Summum's avatar

My father was very abusive but a few years ago I forgave him and for the first time in our lives I told him I loved him and he actually said it back. He passed two years ago this month. My mother is 88 and is living with a sister. Our relationship is not what you would call close. I see her about twice a year.

Bluefreedom's avatar

I have a terrific relationship with my mother. We’ve always communicated very well and have been easily able to discuss just about any topic. My father died 10 years ago and even though I wasn’t as close to him as I was my mother, we had a very solid rapport with each other when he was alive. My parents raised me exceptionally well, in my humble opinion, and it’s helped me develop into the person I am today and I’m highly satisfied with that way I turned out.

BarnacleBill's avatar

Father is dead, mother has Alzheimer’s.

Soubresaut's avatar

My relationship with my parents has been really iffy for a while now. It really drains me to be with them, because they’re both so opinionated and sure of what they believe; they want me to believe what they believe; but I don’t see the world the same way at all. It’s taken a long time to even be able to realize that.
And now, I have to be able to pull myself out and emerge from their parenting… not easy when all they want to be is good parents and help me emerge with their parenting.

I have a “forced amiable relationship” with them, too—my mom more than my dad.

I pulled way away from him a while ago. I can pretty much treat him how I want to treat him, which makes me feel a little guilty… he so badly wants to get back to a fatherdaughter relationship and I understand how his mind works so well that I can get what I need when I need it. I can be very curt and direct and get a response. Our relationship is slowly going closer to what I have with my mom, now, though.

My mom wants me to be the happy bubbly little girl I was growing up. She doesn’t really realize that. She, really, just wants me to be happy. But since she’s known me as that little girl she raised, even though I’m now realizing that I’m not really that way, she’s trying to help me find my way “back” to that non-me.

I think we’re all starting to learn more about each other now. At least, I hope my parents are realizing I’m not the person they programmed me to be. They seem to be.
I’m learning that I have to become strong enough in my own self to let go of their programming.
I’ve learned that when I completely cut them off, they get angry and hurt and start taking away all the things I thought were freedoms, but were really barely-leased priveleges. So, I’m also learning how to keep them back with transparent arms, so they don’t think I’m holding them back, but I get the space I need to breathe.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Better than I ever imagined. It took about 20years though.

YARNLADY's avatar

My parents passed on over 25 years ago, but I had a wonderful relationship with them most of the time. There was one period right after high school when I went through a bad patch, but the rest of the time they were always there for me.

I only realized after the fact how I should have communicated more frequently with them. I know how I feel when weeks go by without any word from my oldest son.

cak's avatar

Since my father passed away, I can say that my relationship with my mom is different. At first, I know my husband (especially him, he was the healthy one!) and I were her mental crutch. Now, she’s getting her feet back under her. We go to movies. We went to a wine tasting. We joke about things I never dreamed of joking about with her. I enjoy the friendship I have with her as well as her continued role shaping my life. I know that I’m more appreciative of her.

guitargirl93's avatar

My relationship with my parents is very good. We have our occasional fights, but we get along really well. I can pretty much talk to them about anything. I consider myself lucky to have them because most kids my age don’t have great relationships with their parents.

lbwhite89's avatar

My relationship with my parents is…alright. I’m a 21 year old college student and I still live at home for the next year of so. My mom has back problems and is on permanent disability and my dad owns his own business. Our relationship has been up and down for as long as I can remember. Nothing awful like abuse or anything, but just kind of a bummer sometimes. They’re both very judgmental and can’t accept anyone’s thoughts or opinions but their own. They have that “I’m a parent and therefore I know everything and don’t have to listen to anyone”. Like I said, I’m 21 years old and sometimes I feel like I’m 10. I’m so grateful to have an amazing boyfriend or else I’d have no one to talk to.

KatawaGrey's avatar

My mom and I have a really relationship. Basically, we’re just the same except she’s had a few more decades to get crazier according to my boyfriend.

She was always the mom in my group of my friends because it seems that I was friends with all the kids who had neglectful or abusive parents so she took care of them. I think it’s safe to say that I’ve got the best mom. :)

wundayatta's avatar

@KatawaGrey Your mom isn’t watching over your shoulder, by any chance, is she? :-)

KatawaGrey's avatar

Help me…~

lovable's avatar

I am not in a really close relationship with my parents. I barely talk to them. I am USUALLY NEVER at home.

SuperMouse's avatar

My dad is a very interesting man. I am only realizing now how much of an alpha-male bad ass he really was as I was growing up. Not probably the best personality type for being a single father to a teenage girl He has softened some with age, but intimate relationships are not really his forte’. I am not exactly estranged from my father, I have nothing against him, but we speak very rarely and are not close by any stretch of the imagination.

mammal's avatar

don’t speak to either, i am a mammal and they are human, (all too human). But i was fed and watered and unabused, my father is typical of many from the post world war II era, profit and loss seem to define his relationships to just about everything. Very peculiar.

cookieman's avatar


Dad died two years ago. We had a good relationship up until then (although he was a little too confessional before he died. I could have lived without knowing certain things).

Mom decided to live her life separate from me after dad died. We were never close anyway as she likely has narcissistic personality disorder, lies pathologically and can be explosive.

I refuse to excuse her behavior and expect civility from her. This never worked for her, so with dad’s death, she sought the company of people more receptive to her brand of bullshit (leaving behind myself, my wife and her granddaughter).

OpryLeigh's avatar

I have a great relationship with my dad. We have always had a good relationship and, thankfully, that didn’t change when I moved into my own place. We see each other a few times a week and talk nearly everyday. We also share similar interests and so often go to the theatre or to see a concert together.

My relationship with my mum was strained when I was living with her but, although I am not as close to her as I am to my dad, it seems alright now. We talk a couple of times a week and see each other every so often.

GracieT's avatar

My relationship with my parents was always very good. We were like an “Ozzy and Harriet” family, and my parents were the one that my friends
always turned to, the one that
they liked to be around. When my mother died in the auto accident everything changed. He, I think, believes that he should have been driving, not her, and if he had she would not have had the accident, and not died.

He met another woman, they married a year and a half later, and everything changed. Now my brother and I are nowhere near as close to him, and he has since moved to another state. I know that much of the difference is caused by how mom dying, that she will always be a saint to me, but everything changed. :o(

crazyivan's avatar

@BarnacleBill Thank you for forcing me to remember how good I have it…

Answer this question




to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther