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Robby's avatar

Serious question here. What or how would you handle your 3 year old son who hit a girl in the stomach and hit another kid over a toy?

Asked by Robby (252points) April 7th, 2008

My g/f just called me up to tell me that her son had hit a girl in the stomach and also another kid over a toy. She’s really upset about it and I would like to suggest some differant opinions for her. He has been doing some crazy things lately and really the first time he’s been showing this type of behavior. So any advice or suggestions would be great.

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21 Answers

hairypalm's avatar

he might need a father figure and some good old father to son talk. But that would be up to your GF. Its hard to say Rob.

Robby's avatar

Yeah he does have a father involved in his life. I had suggested that she call him up and pull him out of day care Immediately while it’s still fresh in his little head and have a talk with him. The other one I suggested was to sit down with a few other family members and have this talk with him as well.

Robby's avatar

Man I love this site!! I’m so glad to have stumbled across it..

babygalll's avatar

I see this all the time. Tell her to sit him down on a time out and have him think about what he did. Let her ask him.. “How would you feel if someone hit you in the stomach?” “How would you feel if someone threw a toy on your head?” You have to kind of turn the table and show him how it feels if it’s done to him. Tell him if he keeps on hitting that nobody will want to play with you.

Different things work with different kids, so try that. If that doesn’t work. Taking away favorite things. Such as a toy, tv show, favortite snack. Tell him everytime you hit or throw things I will take it away and you have to earn it back.

Three year olds understand. You just have to talk with them in a way that they understand. Get down to his eye level. Speaking from above doesn’t help. You can’t pull him out of daycare. He has to learn how to play with others. Pulling him out won’t teach him anything. That is just showing him he can get away with it. Kids will hit other kids, but the caretaker needs to know how to react and take action.

Remember the caretaker is the boss not the child.

mzgator's avatar

talking to him as soon as possible is the best answer. Young children respond better when consequences for bad behavior are given out as soon as the infraction occurs. Talking to them later will only make him wonder why, because he has probably forgotten already.

Robby's avatar

Unfortantly she’s at work and just cannot leave.. Thats a tuff spot to be in.. Unless her boss is understanding which I think he is because I have met him before.

Robby's avatar

I give everyone a great answer just for answering the question.

babygalll's avatar

You say he’s at daycare? What are the caretakers there doing about it? From my understanding they called her? What is she going to do if she’s at work? They can’t expect a parent to leave their job every time a kid hits. Have her ask what they do when a child hits. How do they deal with it.

hairypalm's avatar

Down and dirty, this kind of stuff will always happen. It’s all about growing up. But teaching your little ones what is wrong and right will always continue and we all know this. Just tell her to do the sit down when he gets home and if it happens again then to call pops up. It’s really hard to be a single parent these days. Things are going to happen and we all need to learn from the actions we take. It’s alot for a 3 year old to understand. I have a 5,4 and a 11month old. Sometimes I forget my 4 year old is 4 and expect her to know as much as my 5 year old knows and acts.

Robby's avatar

Well I’m pretty sure he got into trouble and was put into time out..

Robby's avatar

I’m just thankful my son is 16 now.. Now he hits the wallet up…LMAO

Jill_E's avatar

It is a phase for some reason. It ebbs and flows in 2 and 3 years old.

I would suggest time out. It works for our 3 year old son, when he gets frustrated and can’t communcate the way he wants to, he would hit either his parents. It is less or very little now. He gets the message. We would put him in time out and 3 mins later (1 minute per year of age) I would get down to his level and would say ‘that hurts, owww, please dont hit again” and ask him to say sorry. and give him a quick hug and walk away.

jkainz's avatar

hit him back.

Jill_E's avatar

oh forgot to add regarding toys…also role play at home if you can on the floor after dinner/before he goes to bed “may I please have the toy or share toy” etc and applaud when he does ask/share etc. And let him know that is the best way instead of taking toys etc. We had to do this a couple of times back and forth when we heard our son got sad for not sharing toys at preschool etc.

Randy's avatar

One word, spanking.

babygalll's avatar

Check out the questions about Spanking..

phoenyx's avatar

I try to think what the natural consequences of the action should be. Using a toy irresponsibly? You don’t get to play with that toy anymore. Not playing nice with others? You have to play by yourself. Talk about the behavior, explain the consequences, and follow through.

skfinkel's avatar

Hi…Well, you have conveyed maybe the source of some of this boy’s problems in your question: your girlfriend is single and working so the young child is in daycare. I am guessing since she probably has to support herself and her son, that she is working full time, and the boy is in full time child care.

What this means to me is that the young child does not have enough time with his mother and probably not enough time with his father either. I would start tomorrow morning with a new regime: the mom needs to spend at least 30 minutes a day of undivided attention with her son—if it has to be before work or after work, doesn’t matter. But he needs to know that this is his time, and no phone calls or preparation for dinner will interfere. When he starts getting more attention, and knows he can count on it, his behavior will improve.

And yes, I would talk with him about hitting as well. He knows its wrong. But just talk, no punishment. And, if there is to be discipline (ie teaching) it needs to happen on the spot—the day care providers need to talk with him and sit quietly with him for a bit.

By the way, research shows that boys do worse than girls in day care over 20 hours a week. Whatever time off she can take, I would take it and make special time for him as much as you can. He is still very young—and in a few years, he really won’t need so much time with his mother as he needs now.

Robby's avatar

No she is not single! She is with me.

skfinkel's avatar

Sorry, I was thinking girlfriend—but somehow not live in girlfriend.

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