General Question

gimmedat's avatar

Should I tell?

Asked by gimmedat (3943points) April 7th, 2008 from iPhone

Should I confront a married friend with sexually charged comments I happened upon on his personal social networking site that scream infidelity? He has hotly denied any relationship with this person, but has taken to disappearing for hours under the guise of studying and helping a fellow nontraditional student, all the while leaving kids and spouse home.

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21 Answers

delirium's avatar

Absolutely you should tell his wife.

If not for the moral propriety than for the fact that he could be transferring STDs to her without her awareness.

TheHaight's avatar

unless you guys are really good friends, I wouldn’t confront him. Its just drama.

hairypalm's avatar

make sure you are right and have facts or you are going to look like an ass and might get a left hook to the neck. I have seen it happen. ;I

TheHaight's avatar

yes I agree with hairypalm. Have evidence! Not just comments from a website, but real-life infidelity. I’ve seen lots of people making fools out of themselves based on just what they think, and being wrong

delirium's avatar

Just send her the evidence, let her make her own conclusions. By no means should you ignore it and brush it off as a fluke, though.

hairypalm's avatar

@del. Is that your real picture? O no, hope my wife does not see this. Nice picture. ;)

cwilbur's avatar

What’s your tolerance for drama like?

Do you want both your friend and his wife thinking of you as the guy who split them up?

mzgator's avatar

I agree. Send his wife evidence. She has the right to information which could adversely affect her health. His wife should be the one to show him the evidence and confront him. If he is not doing anything wrong, then he will be able to explain everything since he has nothing to hide. If he has been cheating, the wife can take that information and do what is best for her. Personally, if my husband was cheating , my first stop would be the doctor for testing. My second stop would be an attorney.

gimmedat's avatar

OK, I can’t send the evidence because I am not the friend of the female, where the comments were left. This whole thing has been ongoing for awhile with lots of drama. I confronted him before (like 3 weeks ago) and he said he dropped it, there was no sex and he was going to focus on family. Then I’m at his CPU and it opens to her page and BAM….sex comments three days old.

hairypalm's avatar

why r u on his puter? And how are you over their house and not know her(freind of hers) Work computer? U might be playing with fire.

delirium's avatar

I reiterate what I and mz gator have said. My mother works with the Aids Task Force and you wouldn’t believe how common it is for a women to get HIV from her husband who once was clean, but has since cheated and spread HIV to her.
Many of these cases had initial evidence that someone didn’t tell them about. After the fact someone always seems to come foreward and talk about how they didn’t say because of X, Y, and Z… but they could have totally prevented the situation.

Give the wife a hint. Tell her to check it when her husband is not around. Just say that you had walked by and seen something and you could easily be wrong, but if you’re right you’d want her to know.

Acrazycouple's avatar

i think you should tell him to come to camp crystal lake so we could have a talk about the importance of family and relationships.

gimmedat's avatar

I am going to blow up the spot today. Done.

TheHaight's avatar

did those “sex comments” clarify that he was doing things with her, stuff like “it was nice seeing you the other night” etc?

gimmedat's avatar

It was like “You feel so good. Can’t wait to see you. Blah blah. I love you.” I was asked to update CPU programs and page was left up. Drama is a’comin.

smart1979's avatar

let us know how it goes!

TheHaight's avatar

yes, let us know and good luck.

TheHaight's avatar

and he’s saying “I love you?” ay yi yi…that is not right..

paulc's avatar

FFS, confront your “friend” first. Its better to have him explain it to his wife than you. Tell him what you know and that you think he should own up to his wife. If after that he doesn’t do anything about then go to her. But don’t wait, others have mentioned the health implications and they are serious so do it soon. However, your comments like “going to blow up the spot” and “Drama is a’comin” have left me pretty convinced that you’d rather make this messy which is really too bad.

delirium's avatar

No. Tell him and he can delete it before his wife sees and claim that you’re trying to start trouble. Its better he doesn’t suspect anything.

bulbatron9's avatar

In my opinion, you’re just setting yourself up for trouble. If she doesn’t want to believe you, then you may lose a friend. I know you care about this person, but that is still gossip! Even if it’s true! Telling her shows you care more about her best interests, than the friendship itself. Which is an excellent quality, but if you tell her, then be prepared to lose your friend!

I wish you the best on this decision, and I hope you will really think about every possible scenario.

Also, if this “so called man” finds out you were the bearer of the bad news, he may seek vengeance on you. Please weigh your options! These are lives that teeter in the balance!

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