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chelle21689's avatar

Do widows/widowers that remarry still love their deceased spouse?

Asked by chelle21689 (7647points) December 16th, 2010

I’m just wondering if anyone who knows someone or is experiencing this. Do you always love the deceased spouse? Always think about them? Love them more than your current? Have you ever dealt with jealousy from you current spouse?

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17 Answers

Dog's avatar

Perhaps this will help.

Odysseus's avatar

Personally I still love every person that I have ever loved , It is not something one can take back.
They may be dead / alive I may like them or hate them but If I ever loved them then part of me always will.

BBSDTfamily's avatar

If they were in love with them when they died, they still love them forever. The love of a new partner does not erase that. Yes they’ll still think about them, miss them, cherish the memories. If a new partner is jealous of that then it is ridiculous and very selfish. It is possible to fully love your deceased spouse, yet fall in love again with a new one when you are emotionally ready. Whether or not you love one more than the other is different to each situtation.

I know people who have a better marriage with their second spouse than with the deceased one. I know people who feel their deceased spouse was the love of their life, but they remarried for companionship although they do love their new spouse very much.

If my husband dies first, I may remarry but I will always feel that he was the love of my life, and nobody could change that.

misstrikcy's avatar

I dont think so, not all the time. I’d like to think they would…
When my mum died I know it only took my step-dad 3 months before he was engaged again. And then him and his new love cleared out all of my mum’s stuff from the house without telling/asking me or my sister. Another 3 months later he married the woman…
Is that real love… there’s moving on and moving on. But to wipe out all traces of my mum and her family from his life, in such a short time, I wonder how he can possible ‘still love’ my dead mum.
Sorry, i’m still pretty sore about it (even though it’s been 5 yrs sinse she died).

perspicacious's avatar

Of course they do. Love does not disappear, it finds a little corner to sleep. It wakes up from time to time.

augustlan's avatar

@misstrikcy That’s sad, and I’m sorry for your loss. Keep in mind that there could be a couple of different reasons behind his behavior, though. When my grandmother died, it completely devastated my grandfather. They’d been married since they were 17 years old, and were still madly in love when she died at 52. However, his way of coping with her loss was to pretty much immediately start dating. He married another woman (an awful, awful woman) less than 6 months after her death. His children were shocked and hurt, of course, but eventually came to understand that he just couldn’t abide the thought of living and dying alone. That marriage didn’t last long, and he got married again shortly after it broke up, to a much nicer woman. That marriage lasted until he died. During all of that time, he never stopped loving my grandmother.

Another option, of course, is that your step-father wasn’t in love with your mother by the time she passed.

This is all a very long way to say that I think if you love someone when they die, you’ll always love them. But our capacity to love is infinite… there is always room for more love.

john65pennington's avatar

As general rule, yes, especially if they have children together.

misstrikcy's avatar

@augustlan Thank you, you’re very kind.
Both your points are interesting so will mull them over some more.

Jude's avatar

My Dad does. And, he has been dating someone for 3 years.

janbb's avatar

As @augustlan says, I think whatever love was there, is still there. However, that doesn’t mean the living spouse cannot form a positive and loving attachment to a new person that is its own relationship and does not negate the first one.

Aster's avatar

Many do, many don’t. Depends on how much love was there between them when the person died.
It seems to me that men latch onto someone else quickly in a great many cases while women are more often ready to stay single. I wonder why?

Seelix's avatar

My best friend’s mother passed away a couple of years ago. Her husband started dating about 6 months later, and is currently in a serious relationship. Knowing him like I do, I don’t doubt for a minute that he still loves his deceased wife. He’s a very insecure person who needs a partner, and I don’t think he’s disrespecting my friend’s mom by moving on.

Things are different in different cases, though. If the relationship was starting to sour before the spouse’s death, maybe the widow(er) doesn’t love their deceased spouse anymore. But I don’t think that remarrying necessarily means a lack of love or respect.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

My dad remarried after my mother died.I know he loved her until the day he died.How could he not?My mom was a lovely woman.:) He is buried next to her.
My dad’s second wife was very jealous of my mother.Even with my mom being gone,she still found her to be a threat.

chelle21689's avatar

All great answers everyone. It’s something to think about. Honestly, I just hope I don’t have to ever wonder who was that one that was my greatest love. Also, I do believe it is different for everyone…

My stepgrandpa lost my grandma about 15 years ago or so. He remarried but I think it was more for companionship. He wanted to be buried next to my grandma and he got his wish.

Anyways, I can’t stop thinking about what happens after life? Do you meet up with your 1st husband or 2nd? I am not Christian so I don’t believe in that kind of heaven.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

If the person loved their at the time of death then I think yes. I know several remarried people who still hold fondness for their deceased ones and their current living spouses accept it, aren’t threatened by it.

ETpro's avatar

I certainly did. I miss her still today, and she died over 40 years ago. That doesn’t mean you are incapable of loving anyone else. Love is not a zero sum equation, it is in infinite sum equation. Anyone who has truly embraced love, like Mother Theresa or Mahatma Gandhi demonstrates that. The more you give love away, the more you find to give.

skfinkel's avatar

I believe that the love that you had for the person you loved never goes away. There is a roadblock that one must get over, I think, which allows you to love another person. Some people may never get over it. Others seem to rather quickly. I think the essential notion is that you are separate people; one of you died yet the other must go on. That is the requirement of life. The form of the life that goes on depends on lots of personal qualities of the widow/widower, but going on is what has to happen.

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