Social Question

wundayatta's avatar

How would you react over then next few years if you found out at your husband's funeral that he had two other "wives" and children?

Asked by wundayatta (58706points) December 20th, 2010

Picture it. At the funeral, there are these strange faces and you wonder why they seem to be so upset. You meet them after the service, and they tell you that they just buried their husband.

How do you react at that moment? How do you react as time goes by? Would you want to know them or would you just want to forget all about them? Would you set up a long term relationship with them? Would you want to figure out what your husband had been thinking?

And how would you feel about yourself? How would that affect your image of yourself—who you are; your capabilities; your perceptions?

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16 Answers

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

How would that even happen, provided I organize the funeral? Anywho, aside from the weird details, if I did find out he had other families (which is also strange, given how I know where he is all the time), I’d be extremely angry at him and would try to get to know the families.

Pandora's avatar

I would probably feel angry, upset and confused and betrayed. As to what I would do? I haven’t the slightest idea. That would definetly be something I would have to go through to figure out. I’m sure I would just wing it. It would depend on many factors. First one being, would be, how do I know its not a scam?

wundayatta's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I don’t know how it happens. I think it usually happens with sales men who are on the road a lot. Or say they are on the road a lot. They probably find women who are very credulous. I don’t know. All I know is that I’ve heard of it happening, and another question reminded me of that, and I wondered how people would react.

The point is that none of them ever knew the difference. They didn’t know he was cheating. Really, worse than cheating. So, while he was alive, everything seemed normal and they thought he loved them.

Suddenly, he dies, and it turns out he has been living a double or triple life. Do you question everything you thought you knew? Do you think it’s amazing that he got away with it, and you just move on?

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@wundayatta I don’t think I’d be able to just move on – I’d probably never completely trust another person, again.

everephebe's avatar

I wouldn’t feel as sad that he was dead.

augustlan's avatar

How would all three wives be at the same funeral? Wouldn’t they have thought it odd that they didn’t do the planning/arranging of it?

Now, if I found out in some logical way after he was dead, I’d want to know everything about it. I’m pretty certain I’d contact the other ‘wives’ so we could compare notes, but I don’t think I’d want to maintain any kind of familial relationship with them. Of course, it’s really hard to say.

Side note: When my biological father died, I met all sorts of his relatives at his funeral who weren’t even aware of my existence. I didn’t meet him until I was 18 or 19, and he’d put me out of his mind until then. I guess he never got around to telling every cousin about me. It was… weird. “How did you know Les? Did you work with him?” “Um, no… he was my father.” It was like a soap-opera shocker!

shoebox's avatar

I dance on his grave.

downtide's avatar

I’d wish he was alive again – so I could kill him myself.

aprilsimnel's avatar

@wundayatta, there’s not too much in the way of kids involved re the “other woman”, but do you know the story of Charles Kuralt?

Summum's avatar

There was a movie about an Airline Pilot who had two other families and he traveled enough to keep all three families going. Eventually they found out about each other but I can’t remember if he came down in a plane or one of the wife’s had him followed? It was supposed to be a true story?

Judi's avatar

I know a very smart woman who got caught up in a similar situation. She knew about his wife and had 2 children with him anyway (I think she is smart about everything but relationships) but she never knew about his OTHER mistress.
He made enough money to keep 3 families living a pretty darned good life.
When he lost his job he committed suacide. Pretty screwed up thing to do to all those children.

john65pennington's avatar

It’s funny that you should ask this question. i had a very similiar police call to a funeral grave site, where two families were battling it out over the burial of one man. like in your question, both families discovered each other at the grave site. it was mass confusion. one side of the family could not believe this man had another family, that they did not know about. no wonder this man died at an early age. keeping the two families apart(in secret), probably caused him to stroke out.

After all the finger pointing and words were passed with both families, they decided to meet later and discuss how to handle this situation. there were half brothers and sisters that had just met for the first time. no one was arrested.

trailsillustrated's avatar

this happened to us but not at a funeral. it was when my grandmother (his mother) died. You couldve knocked my mother over with a feather when she found out. We met our half-brother and sisters as middle aged adults. It’s all good now, my dad is in his late 80’s, never acknowledged any wrong doing, never acted like he thought anything was wrong. He left our family when we were kids, his other family had kids a little older than us.

perspicacious's avatar

I would be just thrilled.

Vincent_Lloyd's avatar

I would be pissed, take off the fake hair of the other wife, take off my earrings, and bring out the old fisticuffs!!!

sweetsugaryandohsohot's avatar

Dig him up and do some voodo to make him come alive again. Then I’d skin him alive and make his skin into clothes then put those clothes on him and burn him then feed the ashes to a shark then slice the shark open take out his gut and feed it to a scottishman then torture him to death with the help of my husbands other wives. By that time I’d be feeling pretty good. So would his other wives. Then we’d have a big party using up all his money

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