Social Question

irocktheworld's avatar

Have you ever felt as if you can't be 100% honest with people? Like your hiding something?

Asked by irocktheworld (2119points) December 23rd, 2010

Being in school is very stressful for everyone at my age.Its all about ’‘popularity’’ or ’‘fitting in’’.I personally don’t like the ways people categorize others.It’s just a label.I have a very good group of friends who have been there for me from day 1 and im very thankful for them but sometimes i feel as if there are some things that I can’t tell them.I mean,i tell them everything and they know all my secrets and everything about me but sometimes I’m worried that my opinion on things will affect them or maybe they wouldn’t understand.They’re very great friends and I couldn’t ask for another group of friends at all,they’re the best in the world.The thing is,I wonder if maybe i should just suck it up and tell them my view on things like popularity or relationships or even some honest responses to their problems but i dont know,i guess it’s complicated.Have you ever felt this way or is it just me?

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12 Answers

tedd's avatar

One thing I’ve found in my relatively short life span (25 years) is that the group of people you consider your friends will change significantly, and often, in the course of a few years. When I graduated high school, my core group of friends was almost completely different from the group I had when I entered high school. By a few years into college I was only friends with a couple of the group I left high school with. By the end of college it had changed entirely again, and now barely a year and a half out of college I find my current core group growing apart.

You will keep a few very close friends, but they will likely be the ones who understand or at least accept whatever “controversial” beliefs you may have. The rest of them, it doesn’t matter really. You can share your views if you feel its that important, or just enjoy them as friends while they last, since in the grand scheme of thing it doesn’t matter and they probably won’t play a big role in your life (aka, why rock the boat?).

The problem I’ve found now, is that I simply don’t feel there is anything left for me where I am at the moment in life. I moved away to college when I felt like this once. Perhaps time for another change.

downtide's avatar

I spent 43 years hiding something about myself and I’m well and truly tired of it. I’m not doing that any more. Take my advice: Don’t hide truths about yourself. It will only make you miserable. And if people can’t be friends with the real you, then they’re probably not the sort of people that the real you would want to be friends with anyway.

I once heard a saying, that some friends are your friends for a reason, some for a season and some (very, very few) for a lifetime. It’s natural as @tedd described, for your circles of friends to change as you grow.

kess's avatar

Say what you think you need to say…..
Do not say what you think you don’t need to say…

The only time you would get it wrong, is when you start believing that you did.

Cruiser's avatar

School is all about getting the job done. You do what you need to survive including fooling with the masses.

stump's avatar

Sometimes being honest and expressing your true opinions can cost you friends, but it makes it easier for others to do the same. And that is worth it to everyone.
On the other hand, telling a friend that their haircut “looks like crap” is hurtful and tactless, regardless of it’s honesty. Some opinions must be tempered with kindness.
Also, your opinions can change. And if you are going to be outspoken about them, you have to be prepared to be just as outspoken when they do change.

Blackberry's avatar

I still feel uncomfortable revealing that I’m a vehement atheist, especially being in the military. I think most people who know me, know that I’m a decent person, but I just have some fear that I’ll be discriminated against or something.

irocktheworld's avatar

Thanks everyone,your all right.(: Its all about honesty and if I’m not honest and just go along with the situation,then it’ll get worse.Me and my friends fight sometimes and i realized that if you say exactly what your feeling,then sometimes there will be fights and arguments but if you dont let it go and you go along with what the person says,then it means you don’t care and when you fight,you do care.
That’s kind of wierd because I was eating Panda Express 10 minutes ago and i found a fortune cookie and I read it and it said,’‘Do not hide your feelings,let others know where they stand.’’ WOAH.thats crazy.But thanks everyone (:

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

I think a ton of people face this problem in high school, because let’s face it- high schoolers can be overly judgemental and downright mean. If you feel like there are some things you can’t say to even your friends, then it’s probably best to not say them right now. To get through high school without painting a target on your back for any reason, do what you think is best for your situation.

High school sucked for me because I was too honest about my opinions and beliefs. The three people who stood up for me and my beliefs are the only three people from high school that I really talk to.

wgallios's avatar

I’m not 100% honest with people, but there is just some information thats on a need to know basis, and certain people don’t need to know certain things. Sure I have my good friends; doesn’t mean I tell them everything. You are allowed to keep some things to yourself. There are times when I would love to just chat it out with someone, but its better I don’t.

But I agree with @WillWorkForChocolate kids in high school can be way to judgmental, like unnecessarily. For the sake of this conversation, it just so happens that a few days ago, I decide to go get Wendys. I go through the drive through, place my order, and pull up to the Window. The guy standing at the Window was a guy in high school I had problems with back then; he thought he was super cool and what not, and now he is working at Wendy’s. Not that there is anything wrong with working at Wendy’s, but it was sort of one of those cliche movie moments.

I would just say get through it as best you can with as little resistance as possible. Those stupid “labels” they give groups of kids is just ridiculous. None of that is going to matter after high school. It’s actually kind of funny, I started “semi” dating this girl I use to have a class with back in senior year; we recently re-connected, and have been seeing each other for the past few months. But back in high school we never talked, our “groups” didn’t click I guess. I was sort of the skater kid while she was hanging out with the sort of punk/rocker group; wasn’t a good mix. But it’s sad that those labels kept two people from even talking due to worrying about being judged.

Sorry for the long stories, but I hope it helps.

wundayatta's avatar

One of the things I wish I knew in high school is that nothing that happened there would matter much to me in a few years. I wish I knew I would eventually find some friends who really cared about me and really understood me.

Unless you are on the top of the heap, high school can be pretty horrible. The groups you hang with form a lot of who you are. That’s what happens with teenagers—they have more influence on each other than any of us will have on our peers at any other time in life. It takes a lot of strength to be yourself in high school. This is not anyone’s fault. It’s biology; it’s the way our brains are structured.

So creating, joining, and enforcing cliques is something that people in high school do. Conformity is very important. I had a researcher in my office the other day who was working on this issue. They were looking at the effect of having peers in the car and their likelihood to make the decision to run a red light.

It seems kind of obvious, but if you have a bunch of your friends urging you to run the light, you are more likely to do so than an adult would be. Adults can stand up to peer pressure much better.

You can’t be 100% honest because it is very important to you to belong to your group. This goes beyond your conscious thinking process. The need to belong is built into all teens.

What does this mean for your situation? One, not being honest so you can fit in is standard. Every other kid in the group is doing the same thing. Two, it’s not really dishonesty, from what I can tell based on what you wrote. You’re just withholding parts of you to protect yourself. This makes sense. Three, in a few years, none of this will matter. You’ll grow. Your brain will change. It’ll be easier for you to be your full self with people. Four, in a decade or more, you won’t remember this at all.

YARNLADY's avatar

Very seldom.

Coloma's avatar

The only way you CAN really find out who your true friends are is to be completely honest, this is always the Roundup that weeds out the weeds. lol

You’ll weed the friend patch many times in the course of your life.

Better one true friend than a dozen false friends.
Quality vs. quantity.

Maybe consider who you feel the closest to in the group and go from there.

You don’t need to share everything with everyone. ;-)

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