General Question

FlyingElephantWithGiganticEars's avatar

What do you say when you don't want to be in an official relationship?

Asked by FlyingElephantWithGiganticEars (59points) December 23rd, 2010

There’s this guy that I like , and he likes me back , but I don’t want to be in an official relationship where we tell everyone that we’re going out . But then he told me he wants to officially ask me out . I do want to be with him , just not make it public . How should I tell him this ?

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9 Answers

CyanoticWasp's avatar

The way it’s always been done to me is, “It’s not you; it’s me.”

Which means, of course, “It’s not me; it’s you.”

You need to be direct with him. Don’t string him along or give him false hope.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

What is the reason for your hesitation?

chyna's avatar

Why does it have to be public? Can’t you just go out without a public announcement of a date?

Fred931's avatar

Just tell him not to brag about it on FaceySpace with his football buddies (I’m assuming you’re a high-schooler; Variation of question, grammar, etc.). Be firm about this, and even make him a little irritated if that’s what it takes. If he blabs it anyway, he might not be a very moral person, but if a lot of other people just happen to find out, just remember that it’s high school and people can find out on their own (Seeing you two in a restaurant, etc.) and start rumors on their own. (Again, assuming this is high school.)

Kardamom's avatar

Why would you want to hide him? That would suck to have to hide a relationship. Makes it seem like you are ashamed of him (or not allowed to date) How old are you?

Jeruba's avatar

I think I’d be inclined to say that I’m interested in going out with him but that I’m not ready yet for an exclusive relationship. “Let’s just date for a while and see how it goes.”

klutzaroo's avatar

“I do want to be with him, just not make it public” Is he that embarrassing? How is it that he’s good enough for you to date, but not for people to know about? I think you need to adjust your thinking.

Jeruba's avatar

Going out with someone once or twice should not automatically mean that you have to announce to everybody that you’re together—what we used to call going steady. I think that’s all she means—not that she wants to hide the fact that she’s seeing him but just that there doesn’t have to be a press conference where they’re announced as an item. It is really ok to date more than one person until you’re ready for a committed relationship.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I’d tell him I want to go out but am not the kind of person to announce or share my play-by-plays while dating. Ask him if that sounds reasonable since you two don’t even know if you’ll like each other enough to have more than a handful of dates.

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