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ENFPsoftie's avatar

Should I tell my friend when she repeats info/stories 3, 4 or more times?

Asked by ENFPsoftie (11points) December 25th, 2010

Background: My friend is in her mid-50’s & takes meds for bipolar disorder. She has begun telling me stories multiple times, having forgotten she’s already told me. I’ve been listening patiently but I’m wondering if I should politely tell her she’s repeating in case her forgetfulness is related to her meds? Also, she adopted a rescue dog recently and seems to be insinuating herself into the life of the family that gave it up. When I said her contact might be making them sad she told me to f**k off. This isn’t like her… I’m worried about her.

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13 Answers

BarnacleBill's avatar

Welcome to Fluther. It sounds like you have valid reasons to be concerned about your friend. Does she have children that you can talk to? She needs to be evaluated by a doctor. Symptoms like this can be the onset of Alzheimers.

marinelife's avatar

It sounds like your friend needs some help. Does she have any relatives that you can talk to?

I do think you should tell her that she is repeating things so she can ask the doctor about her medication.

Coloma's avatar

Well…take a look at her reaction to you sharing your thoughts about her possibly not being considerate of the rescue dogs foster families feelings.

‘F—K Off!’ is NOT an acceptable or healthy response to a friend!

Her response to you was emotionally abusive, and, I don’t care what someones issues are, that is unacceptable behavior, period.

Go ahead and gently approach her with your observations but, if it were me, and her reaction was abusive, I’d back off, permanently.

Having compassion for someones issues does not mean turning a blind eye and a deaf ear to abusive behaviors.

XOIIO's avatar

I like to prentend I’m listening, and then say what happens next and act all amazed like I saw the future. Then I tell them that they already said the story.

So yes, tell them.

skfinkel's avatar

Yes. But she might (from your description) be defensive. The only reason I say yes is because it might be the medication—which can be controlled. If this is due to deterioration and nothing is possible, then I would say no, just be a friend to her.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

If it’s the medication, then it might just be a side effect she has to live with. There’s not really the endless amount of combinations you normally think there are. If you mention it and she already knows, then you’ve just made her feel bad for something she can’t help.

bunnygrl's avatar

@XOIIO thats just rude sweetheart, and since we’re talking about a person who already has problems, she doesn’t need to be hurt by someone being so immature too. Apologies, I don’t mean any offence, I really don’t, but since I cope daily with depression myself, if someone did that to me it would cause me to be hugely embarrassed, and would actually upset me greatly, since for someone to do that to me they clearly don’t care about my feelings or the damage they might cause.

To answer the question though, as other jellies have said, is there a family member you can talk to? I wouldn’t keep picking her up on it though, maybe she doesn’t know she’s doing it. I think what your friend needs honey is a friend, not a critic. That having been said though, if you do think she is acting out of character, you need to find someone you can talk to about your worries, a family member? another friend?
hugs xx

XOIIO's avatar

Aaahh, I just read that she repeats stories several times. I was simply providing a side note from my life.

Definitly what other jellies have said, talk to someone, maybe get her help.

bunnygrl's avatar

@XOIIO I’m sorry sweetheart, I’m just being oversensitive <hugs> I hate this time of year, mostly I cope a lot better but things seem worse around the holidays, so maybe I was just, as I said, being over sensitive. There’s nothing wrong with having a chuckle, in fact sometimes its the best form of medicine :-) I’m sorry I misjudged your answer, and I hope you’re having a great holiday.
hugs xx

XOIIO's avatar

Thanks, but no apology needed, plenty of people I know get stressed around the holidays. Hope things start looking up for you.


bunnygrl's avatar

@XOIIO that is such a lovely thing to say, thank you <hugs> but its ok I know i’m odd :-) a friend said once that its part of my charm lol. Thank you again, honey and I am sorry that I misjudged your answer. You’re obviously a lovely person. Here’s to a better new year for all of us,
hugs xx

Justice13's avatar

I have the exact same problem with my step-dad, my advice: just memorize the responses to those repeated stories that get the best reaction from your friend, and soon it’ll be as automatic as breathing.

GracieT's avatar

@ENFPsoftie, speaking as one of those who repeats things often, (or did I already say this?) I can honestly say that occasionally it’s funny when I’m in a good mood. The big problem is that only a few people can get away with it all of the time. Everyone else is taking chances about making me sad at first, but that will quickly change into anger. That’s just how I would react. I don’t know if your friend would consider you close enough to get away with it, or even if it would really react that way, but only you can really tell. Does it really impact you enough? Are you sick of it enough to hurt them? Only you can really tell how it would impact someone else. I do appreciate seeing the other Jelly’s responses, though!

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