Social Question

Luiveton's avatar

I'm having serious issues with the guy I like and it is affecting the way I feel about everything. Help?

Asked by Luiveton (4162points) December 27th, 2010

I can’t say I have a ‘crush’ on this guy. Because I really really REALLY like him, but I can’t say it’s love either. The thing is, it’s always been that way; When I like a guy he doesn’t like me back. But now it’s different, the whole thing is new to me right now, because I’m very confused about whether he likes me or not this time. I started liking him this year because we started speaking on BBM ‘Blackberry Messenger’. At the start it was just normal, but then when I started liking him, were speaking less on bbm. He used to speak Nonstop on bbm, but now, he’s more silent. And when he starts chats, he just suddenly shuts up. (I never start chats, I’m shy. And usually, assuming he doesn’t like me back, when you know a person you speak to them normally right? He speaks and flirts with ALL the girls in front of me. He speaks to EVERYONE normally, but hey, he doesn’t even speak to me at all. I can literally say we go days without saying a word to each other, but on bbm, he speaks normally. He jokes with all the girls, insults them playfully, but he NEVER jokes with me, touches me, or insults me. He’s always silent when I’m around. And he sits in front of me in maths, I notice he looks at me quickly, and My friend tells me that. But I don’t because my face is too red. :/

The thing is it annoys me like hell when he flirts with everyone else. And if he DOES like me – Then why does he just shut up on bbm, why does he just walk away with his friends in break, why does he ignore me and talk to everyone else? The thing is I try to find many reasons to tell myself he doesn’t like me. I just feel hurt that I honestly don’t know. But I’m starting to like him even more.

Like once our tutor told him, my friend, and I to sit three seats beside each other. We chose two seats on the edge so we weren’t next to each other, (And obviously, my face turned red :() and my friend obviously tried making me sit in the middle, I rejected doing so. And I had my pencil case out, everyone started borrowing pencils from me, he look at me, then at my pencil case, instead of asking me, he looked around and went to another guy who was sitting further apart for a pen. He also did that in maths for a rubber, eventhough he knew the other guy borrowed it from me, he asked him if he has a rubber.

But my friend tells me I treat him too harshly, I never smile at him, and she says I SUCK at flirting. She says he’s used to girls flirting with him, not vice versa. I admit it, I do treat him harshly, and when he asks a question (One in a million years) I answer coldly, I do suck at flirting. So gosh, I don’t know what to do. I seriously need help because I feel like…I’m starting to love him. It’s affecting my moods so badly. Sometimes I just cry and I’m not able to tell anyone except my best friend. She thinks I should tell him, but what the hell, my face is red and I never speak to him, so hell no.

Is it normal that he speaks and JOKES with LITERALLY everyone BUT me????

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

27 Answers

AmWiser's avatar

In a nutshell, YES!

Hedaru's avatar

Phew. Very complicated. You can keep it short.
Like this short answer: YES.

Sometimes, it’s a typical life problem. Just take it easy as you go with him.

Luiveton's avatar

I know it’s too long, I just had to express how I seriously feel, it’s making me crazy and I don’t know what to do. :(

lemming's avatar

Your going to have to start talking to him or else it is DEFINITELY going nowhere. If you don’t talk to him how are you going to find out what he is really like, right now, he is totaly built up in your own head as your perfect guy which simply isn’t the case. Maybe you won’t talk to him because you are afraid of breaking this ideal you have built up of him. Just talk to him, and then no matter what happens you can say at least you tried.

zenvelo's avatar

he may have picked up that you like him and he doesn’t know how to handle that. And if you are distant may be he thinks you don;t like him at all. so as @lemming said, you need to talk to him, face to face, no electronics! start with saying you noticed a change in how he chatted with you, and ask if there was something you said. Then explain that it might have been inadvertent, and that you actually think he is cool and would like to be closer friends. Then see what happens.

Austinlad's avatar

In my wildest imagination I can’t conceive a relationship being possible, let alone with substantive and with any hope of lasting, without constant face-to-face conversation. PLEASE tell me, @Luiveton—and everybody else—that the world hasn’t “evolved” to the point where electronic devices can totally replace that!

Luiveton's avatar

@zenvelo No he has no clue I like him, in fact, he thinks I hate him, and he’s the one that always starts the chats with me.
And @Austinlad you definitely have a point, I think I should stop using electronics and actually try speaking to him face to face. It’s just that once it was pretty okay on the chat thing – He was very nice, the whole thing ended with ‘Goodnight x’ etc. But the next day his facial expression was so blank, it’s as if he never chatted to me.

Coloma's avatar


I also concur with @Austinlad, and….it takes looong time really get to know somebody, if you can’t even manage to inch the rocket onto the launching pad, well….it might just be failure to launch.

For any relationship to develop there must be some sort of momentum….can’t test the sails of a ship if you never get out into the open water. lol

I think direct communication is the shortest route to seeing if there are any dots to connect.

Luiveton's avatar

What people don’t understand is I know everything about him, like everything. He talks to much on bbm, but in real life he’s just too shy, and so am I. It’s not normal for someone to speak to everyone normally except you, especially that he speaks alot on bbm. And no he has no clue I like him, and all I can say for now he likes me normally, but I just feel he’s too shy to speak to me in public? Everyone I’ve asked thinks so, especially that my friend says she sees him looking at me, and when I look up he just looks somewhere else. It’s freaking me out.

Coloma's avatar


I can tell you are pretty young…the only answer here is that IF you really, really, really, want to see if this guy/boy is someone you can have a relationship with, YOU have to overcome your shyness and just take him by the hand and start a face to face conversation.

I know it can be difficult…but, better to risk the direct approach than to spend the next, however many more, weeks and months in a stae of anxiety over this. ;-)


Call or text or walk up to him and ASK him for a DATE! :-)

The only thing you have to lose is your anxiety, and, maybe, you gain a boyfriend!


Rejection never killed anyone…something to know now, while you’re young!

Luiveton's avatar

If you consider 15 young, then yes I am hhahah. :)
You’re joking right? I’m a coward goddamitt :S
I don’t know how to approach him, It’s going to be weird because the guy probably thinks I hate him, he’ll be too shocked. He’s a good guy, he cares about my feelings I know that – But what if he doesn’t like me, I’d be embarrassed to look at his face for the rest of my life.

Coloma's avatar


Nah…you have nothing to fear but fear itself.

I bet you a gazillion bucks he will be releived and happy beyond words that you are interested.

Okay kiddo…lesson #1….NEVER ASSUME anything about anybody without knowing for sure.

My daughters boyfriend of two years was very shy, she had to make all the moves, and, she’s glad she did, he has really come out of his shyness and they have a great relationship.

Like I said, what do you want more, to know for sure, or to live with your emotions upside down for a long time to come?

I vote for the rip off the band-aid fast! lol ;-)

Luiveton's avatar

I agree, thank you so much ! :* <33

Austinlad's avatar

@Luiveton, I like your open-mindness about this relationship and salute you for reaching out for input. I suspect you have a lot to give.

Coloma's avatar


Now go get him girl! ;-)

marinelife's avatar

Why don’t you try treating him the way you want him to treat you?

Your behavior to him is not sending the message that you want to send. You are treating him harshly and coldly. (Would you like it if he treated you that way? Would you think that he liked you?)

You are a prisoner of your age and surging hormones, but you need to get a grip if you hope to have a normal relationship with him.

He flirts with and chats with other girls in front of you to show you how cool he is. He doesn’t with you FOR THE SAME REASON YOU DON’T WITH HIM. He is shy in your presence.

Winters's avatar

That guy sounds similar to me in manner of flirting and whatnot, my guess is that he does have feelings for you which makes him withdraw because he doesn’t know how to approach you on the matter and also may not be sure if you like him as well considering how you treat him as @marinelife stated. @marinelife has some good advice, I suggest you take it, though you may want to be a tad bit “aggressive” (just a TAD) to get the hint across to him that you are interested and want him to ask you out or whatnot.

Only138's avatar

Either he likes you, and is feeling bashful…because he likes you…..or he knows you like him, and now feels awkward. One way to find out….ask him out. Life’s too short to wonder. ;)

submariner's avatar

I know you won’t heed this advice, but I’ll say it anyway: do yourself a favor and forget about dating and romance for a couple more years. Figure out how to just be friends with boys, or ignore them entirely if you prefer, but don’t waste your time and energy on dating them. Instead of getting romantically involved with boys, skip romance altogether you are old enough to get involved with men. Use this period of your life to discover what your aptitudes and interests are, and develop them to the fullest extent possible. You can explore love and romance later.

Kardamom's avatar

It’s really too bad, in some ways, that these smart phones (or whatever you call them) were invented. Young people use them so much that they never learn normal, regular communication skills. Communication skills are extremely important if you ever want to succeed anywhere in life, whether it’s with love, your job or with people in general.

Sounds like you’ve kind of been rather cold and harsh with this guy and even if he did like you at one time, it sounds like he probably doesn’t now because you weren’t very pleasant towards him. Once somebody stops liking you, it is pretty difficult to get them to like you again. But you never know. Maybe if you started talking to him (instead of messaging him) you would actually get to know him and decide if you really like him or not (or if he really likes you or not).

I would suggest that you stop using instant messaging so much and start talking to people face to face. A good way to get used to that is to join some clubs at school. Find a club that has some type of interest for you whether it be theater or singing or science or art, whatever you enjoy doing. It’s much easier to practice talking with people who you already have things in common with.

And stop all the gossip and the speculation and insults and flirting. Just learn to converse and communicate with people. If you don’t learn how to communicate now, it will just cause you all sorts of problems in the future. If you’re super shy, you might want to consider going to an organization called Toast Masters. They teach you how to have confidence and the ability to speak in public.

CoolBunch's avatar

Whoh! “He also did that in maths for a rubber, eventhough he knew the other guy borrowed it from me, he asked him if he has a rubber.” Rubber? I hope you mean eraser or rubberband… But my advice would be just to start up more conversation with this crush of yours face to face. Not soley on BBM and such. Keep it real Be friendly dont expect anything. Just make friends.

Luiveton's avatar

@Kardamom – No he didn’t like me before because this is our first year together. And I don’t treat him THAT harshly, what I meant is that I IGNORE HIM, but when he asks something I answer nicely, probably a little coldly, and on bbm were both really nice.
@CoolBunch I obviously mean eraser.

Kardamom's avatar

@Luiveton If you ignore people and/or treat them coldly, they have no other way to interpret your feelings except as that of dislike. What did you expect? You really need to learn how to communicate with people. It also sounds like you have quite a bit of maturing to do before you consider dating anyone.

Winters's avatar

@Luiveton as a guy, being ignored and being treated coldly by a girl I’m interested in is harsh, I’d rather just be flat out rejected than toyed with in that manner. I’m going through this right now, I guess I probably deserve it having toyed and played around with others sadistically, but I’m sure the guy who is of interest to you probably doesn’t deserve it. Being cold is a good way to end it before it even has a chance to bloom.

Luiveton's avatar

@Kardamom I feel that he does the same thing, is it maybe because I ignore him? So if I just act normal, do you think he’ll do the same?

Kardamom's avatar

@Luiveton It is possible that if you start acting normal, meaning talking to him directly and being nice (saying hello and maybe asking him if he wants to sit with you and your friends at lunch, or ask if he wants to go for a soda or coffee after school) he might start talking to you too. I think if you do that, it will be pretty easy to tell if he likes you at that point. But you still run the risk that he may have already been put off by your coldness. I would definitely give it a try. You need practice anyway, for the next guy that comes along. Good luck. : )

stefd's avatar

Eh. He’s treating you like you are treating him now that you both may have realized you like each other. This possibility is exciting and frightening at the same time and neither of you know what to do about it. Go easy on the situation, try to be more “approachable.” And guys who can easily flirt with all of the girls (they don’t care) choke up around the one they like.

Answer this question




to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther