Social Question

Palindrome's avatar

How do you cope with the passing of a loved one?

Asked by Palindrome (1084points) December 29th, 2010

Well my aunt just passed away on Monday & I’m just curious as to how others cope with the passing of loved ones.
I understand we’re all humans who grieve through various means, but what I’m trying to figure out is what makes a person feel better after being faced with the death of a loved one.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

24 Answers

YARNLADY's avatar

At first it’s just a matter of you wake up, you eat, you do what other people expect you to do, and then you sleep. Each day you do the same thing, but eventually, you start to care about things around you, you start to make choices, you start to recover your senses, and then you realize the world still goes on, and so do you.

jazmina88's avatar

take time for your thoughts, memories. get photos. remember the love

anartist's avatar

It helps if the person was ready to go, much harder if death came too soon.

I lost my mother a year and a half ago. She had been gradually weakening physically over the seven years since my father died, until her body just gave out on her. To the end she was engaged and engaging, caring about the family who surrounded her. I talked with her as much as I could, savoring every minute, encouraging her to tell me anything she wanted to about her life and our family. I learned more about her childhood and the interesting people and experiences she had encountered as she moved through life in those few weeks than I had ever known before. A few weeks after I returned home, she died peacefully in her sleep.

I miss her and still feel like she is only a phone call away sometimes, but I know she isn’t. My brothers and sisters and talk about her sometimes, reliving memories. In some ways she seems still alive—in us. And maybe that’s how people mend, by keeping a loved ones
‘s memory alive reminiscing over life shared with her.

Somehow it makes one see life as that “ever rolling stream” that “bears all its sons away” and know that not only the loved one gone but also oneself is part of that.

BoBo1946's avatar

Sorry for your loss.

Spent lots of time with family members that loved her and you! But, having said that, time is the best healer.

marinelife's avatar

You really have to feel your grief. There is no quick fix. Eventually when you think of your aunt, you will remember the good times fondly.

Take care.

Summum's avatar

Allow yourself to grieve and do so how you do it. Take time to reflect on that and then try to remember the fond memories and the good times with her. I know in my life I have lost many loved ones including 4 children. Be thankful for having her in your life and in time you will heal as much as you can.

snowberry's avatar

It also helps to remember the funny times, the funny quirks they had, or jokes they told. Humor seems to put things in perspective.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

There is no one way.

Meego's avatar

First I want to extend my condolences to you and yours at this time.
Now I just want to say I lost my father in Jan 2009 and my husband in Nov 2009. I can relate. It is not easy. I can contest these were to major male influences in my life. I am still not done grieving. But I am just putting my toes into the real world. I can say it was harder to lose my husband than my father. My father had stomach cancer and although he suffered god gave us the gift of a timeline so we could prepare for this and start accepting when he was diagnosed. My husband on the other hand died unexpectedly and this you feel the most regrets and unfortunately is harder to move on after something like that without somekind of real life closure.
But I think also being able to live with or without regrets only when you can accept it can you truly move on. I have accepted my fathers death I have not accepted my husbands, this makes it harder to remember without emotional attachment. Everyone is different I think also that your asking about it shows your willingness to move ahead. You grieve however you want and whatever pace you need, I think you’ll know when you feel better. My mother just said to me the other day, “I think I am finally feeling better”. Her and my father would have been together this november for 46 years, I am lucky that me and my mom went through almost a big change at the same time as it gives us some commanality and I can see that there still is hope for me and there is for everyone even you.

partyparty's avatar

First you must go through a period of grieving.
Then over time you will be able to think about the good times, the many happy memories you have of her. There will always be a gap, but you will be able to move on and smile fondly when thinking of her.
Sorry for your loss

starsofeight's avatar

I did not grieve the passing of my Dad. Out of all the people in his life, I was there for him when he needed it. I am satisfied that I helped make his final days easier. I think that if ones relationship with another is right during their life, there is no need for action after they are gone. Anything you do or feel after the passing is, simply, too late. After the passing, it is appropriate to feel one of two things: satisfaction that you did what you could while they were alive, or regret that you blew off your opportunities to be there for them.

zenvelo's avatar

sorry to hear of your loss. It may help to remember that anything you are feeling is right. Sometimes you’ll be sad, sometimes you’ll cry, sometimes you might laugh, other times you might smile. And your feelings may stay a long time, or pass quickly. Your grief is yours, no one else’s. Allow your self whatever time you need, ignore those who attempt to tell when and how to feel.

Judi's avatar

Sometimes just being there helps. Sometimes, those warm empathetic hugs make you cry. There is no hurry to feel better. Somehow our culture seems to think that happiness is the constant goal.
It’s ok to hurt, cry and grieve. The people who are the most helpful are the ones who don’t try to stop that process. They’re the ones who stand beside you and help hold you up through it.

Judi's avatar

As I wrote that, I am sitting at my mothers bedside. She slipped into a coma last night and we expect she will be gone by the end of the week.

Summum's avatar


Big hugs, sorry to hear it. I’ve been there also.

Paradox's avatar

To tell you the truth the only thing that gets me by is my faith in God and heaven while knowing they’re still with me in some way. There is nothing else that would of helped me through all the tragedy I’ve dealt with.

stardust's avatar

Sorry for your loss. There’s no easy way through it – feeling the pain of having lost a loved one is hard but so very important. Take your time. Allow yourself to feel how you feel. Time helps.

BoBo1946's avatar

@Judi wow… so sorry that is happened that way!

stardust's avatar

@Judi So sorry you’re going through this. You’re in my thoughts

Judi's avatar

Mom went to heaven at 1:40 this afternoon.

Palindrome's avatar

@Judi I am so sorry. Wow. Well if anything you helped me, & I hope that those you love can help you through this.
I thank all of you for your input.

partyparty's avatar

@Judi So very sorry for your loss

stardust's avatar

@Judi So sorry for your loss

Meego's avatar

@NuGoonie23 I just wanted to let you know your fluther nickname reminds me of the name of the first little furry guinea pig my husband brought home for our daughter. To signify the new relationship between them that was 8 years ago. He sadly passed away Dec 28 2009, he was 7 years and 8 months old! He was such a cuddlier. That was # 3 they say all things happen in 3’s I lost 3 loved ones all in a short span one was quite small but still part of the family. His name you wonder? Noogy. A cross between new and guinea. I can not seem to hold myself together when it comes to anyone leaving our world now..

Answer this question




to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther