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Joker94's avatar

Long distance crush, is it worth it?

Asked by Joker94 (8180points) December 30th, 2010

I have a bit of a crush on someone who lives about 6 hours away from me. I currently have no real way of visiting her, or talking in person. From your experience, would this type of crush be anything worth pursuing? Or would I only be hurting myself in the end?

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11 Answers

DrasticDreamer's avatar

No one but you can answer this question. Do you think it’s worth it? There are people who have crushes and/or loves who live on the opposite side of the country, or even in another part of the world. Some people think it’s worth it, they nurture the relationship and do whatever they can to make it a reality in the future. Other people think it’s too much of a hassle to bother with.

If you and your crush think it’s worth it, then it is. If not, it’s not.

Sarcasm's avatar

If you like it, pursue it. Just because something ends, doesn’t mean it’s a waste of time. If you want to spend your time with her in whatever ways you can, do so. Technology today is incredible, and we are far more capable of keeping in touch with our distant loved ones than we were just 10 years ago.

Why not, rather than asking yourself “Do I want to be in an LDR with her?” just.. see where it takes you? Talk to her, get closer to her, see if it’s something you really want. You don’t have to plunge in the deep end, you can wade your way in.

Odysseus's avatar

Its better than being lonely.
Could mess you up somewhat though.
Some people are addicted to the heartache and emotional buzz of ‘loved n lost’. I know.

marinelife's avatar

If you could eventually move to her locations or she to yours if it became serious, then by all means pursue it.

jca's avatar

You decide what level you want to keep the relationship on. if you want it to stay a crush and you see no way of it becoming more, than just make sure it does not keep you from pursuing other interests in your area. in other words, don’t stay home at night because you’re fantasizing about the crush.

john65pennington's avatar

Most of the time, a long distance relationship is like your cellphone minutes on your phone. sooner or later your minutes will end. there is no way to continue your conversation, unles you have a battery charge or install a new battery.

You have two strikes against you, already, no wheels and no communication. these are very hard obstacles to overcome, if a relationship is to survive.

How old are you, anyway?

Joker94's avatar

@john65pennington 16….The only real way I have to talk to her is through Facebook

Neizvestnaya's avatar

In my own experiences, NO.

wundayatta's avatar

If you can ask this question, then it’s not serious enough to be worth the risk.

If you could not stop thinking about her and you had to contact her as much as she would allow, then I’d say it might be worth it. These things can not be calculated. It is the heart that rules, and your heart is not ruling.

Kardamom's avatar

It is one thing to meet, get to know, and fall in love with someone in your town and then for some reason (work, tragedy, military deployment) that person has to move to a distant location. In that case, you already know the person and can make a fairly reasonable decision on whether you will stay together and eventually be together in the same town again.

When the person already lives in another city, it is almost impossible to really know how you feel about this person because you won’t be living with them and interacting with them in person on a day to day basis. There are a lot of things that are not “seen” or “felt” or “realized” about people and their habits and personality unless you interact with them in person on a regular day by day basis. Long distance creates all sorts of illusions. When you interact with people in the flesh you see them at their best, but also at their worst and everything in between.

If you only interact on the phone or online or even by skyping, you will most likely only be seeing the best of the other person. There’s a bunch of stuff (that may or may not be deal breakers for you) that cannot be experienced unless the person is actually with you. Things like appetites (for food, sex, and crazy unknown things) preferences for things like music, temperature of the room, the bed, how often the dishes are done, if they are a neatnik or a slob, how often they like to hang out with other friends or their family, if they want a pet and if they will take care of it or leave it up to you, if they have a laugh that will drive you crazy if you had to hear it everyday or if they spit in public or hock things up or make weird throat clearing sounds or constantly blow their nose, or leave dirty icky things where you have to pick them up, or can’t cook, or don’t like the same things as you, or don’t like your friends or your family or keep a different schedule or prefer a lot of alone time, or prefer to have big parties in their house or don’t keep the bathroom or kitchen clean. This is a pretty short list of things that are important if you plan to ever live together or get married or even live in the same city. But unless you already know these things about a person, it’s almost impossible to know these things over a long distance relationship.

Someone usually gets hurt way more than the other person. Just read some of the long distance romance gone bad threads on fluther.

gm_pansa's avatar

Friendship first, everything else second. This way, you can at least be friends if nothing else works out.

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