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DrasticDreamer's avatar

What allows you to trust someone?

Asked by DrasticDreamer (23983points) January 2nd, 2011

I’m admittedly surprised that a lot of people from this question picked “trust” over “honesty”. It’s my opinion that trust is derived from honesty – so for me, honesty in a relationship is most important. So if it’s not, for the sake of conversation, honesty that builds trust… What, in your opinion, does build trust?

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22 Answers

MissA's avatar

I consider a person’s character, which takes time.

Whether they are honorable is the most important thing to me. It’s not found in one conversation, or in any exact number. It’s found in taking the time to observe the large and seemingly small…and listen…which can only be done when you’re not talking.

YARNLADY's avatar

I start out trusting people until they show me they are not trustworthy.

MissA's avatar

What allows one to trust, really can’t be addressed adequately with one answer. There are different levels of trust. You may trust your mailman…but, probably not on the same level as your S/O.

vocalthoughts's avatar

Eh, I’ll just expand on what we’d/we’re already discussing. For me, it’d have to be the character of the person in question, but more so, my perception of that character. I think that’s the main difference between trusting someone and not doing so. For example, I could trust the most untrustworthy person imaginable to some, simply because I perceive their character differently from others. You could be more detailed and point out things like honesty, values, actions etc, but they all contibute to building character anyway. That’s my take on trust.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

You can’t have trust without honesty, but you can have honesty without trust.

kess's avatar

Since all things in Life begins and end with you, It is just the same in a realtionship.

All relationship must have a foundation of Trust.

But How and what this trust is all about?

Can you and should you trust someone in whom you have not had a proven track record to go by? The answer is both yes and no.

No – Because they may dissappoint you in a particular course of action.

And Yes- Simply because without trust, there can be no relationship.

So how do you achieve this Trust within the relationship,seeing that it is so two faced?.

You Look beyond the person and realize that It begin and end with you…

You trust the other not because of who they are but because who you are.
And if there be any goodness in you, this would be the catalyst that forms the bond of integrity (TRUST) that is necessary for the success of the relationship.

So in actuality , you are Trusting The Good , so come what may within the relationship , It will turn out Good.

And you can only see Life this way because this Goodness already resides in you.

Of course there is a risk is looking like a fool to the crowd….

But if you understand your own self, you also realize there is actually no risk at all.

flutherother's avatar

My awareness of my own integrity means I can recognise integrity in others.

Cruiser's avatar

Experience allows us to trust someone….from the very first second you meet someone they are under a barrage of “tests” visual, verbal and those of the senses. Very quickly we asses this new person and develop almost an immediate impression including whether of not that person is trustworthy. As time passes more information is exchanged that will either reinforce the initial tests or begin to reveal otherwise that the person is less than honest hence less than trustworthy.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Their actions build trust.

Pandora's avatar

I agree with @lucillelucillelucille. Action speaks louder than words sometimes.
However for me action and words carry equal weight. If they are opposite of each other than I find it difficult to trust them.
An example. I know people who help other people but always talk about being put out by others situations. And in the end they always look for some sort of reward or pay back. So I don’t trust them.
Then I know people who don’t talk about others making them feel put out because they don’t extend themselves to others. I trust them to be honest but I also trust that they are selfish.
Then there is the last person. The one that extends themselves some of the times but never over extends themselves. I trust them because they are the type of person to do what they can for others but realizes that over extending will only make you resent the person you are helping. They are honest about their limitations.

cookieman's avatar

Consistency of behavior.

I don’t care what you say nearly as much as what I observe you do over and over again.

Unlike @YARNLADY, I pretty much distrust everybody until I see otherwise.

stardust's avatar

There’s a lot of factors – I usually have a sense of who I trust and who I don’t. Actions speak. If I’m around someone who talks the talk alone, I figure it out sooner rather than later.

Seaofclouds's avatar

I tend to start out trusting someone new until their actions show me that I shouldn’t trust them. There are many ways to break a trust, dishonesty is only one of them.

submariner's avatar

Honesty doesn’t build trust, but dishonesty, if detected, can destroy trust.

Trust has to be built on risk: you take a chance on a person, and s/he comes through for you. You start with a small risk; if the other person doesn’t let you down, then you take bigger chances as the relationship proceeds.

I guess I’m agreeing with those who say trust depends on action/behavior.

cookieman's avatar

Also…
In my opinion, “trust” is neither a negative or a positive. It is neutral.

If I meet you and you are nice to me, great. If you are nice to me consistently over a period of time, I will come to trust you are a nice person.

However, If I meet you and you are rude to me and are consistently rude over a period of time, I will come to trust you are a rude person.

The consistency of your actions creates a trust about your actions and thus my expectations about you.

lloydbird's avatar

I’ll go with repeated demonstrations of “honesty”.
My trust lies there.

BoBo1946's avatar

I trust people until they prove otherwise.

littlebeck30's avatar

when making plans you always follow through, you are confident in our relationship, and you rarely lie to me (especially about big stuff)

perspicacious's avatar

Knowing that they trust you without question.

Mikewlf337's avatar

Actions usually show if you can trust someone. It takes awhile for me to really trust someone. I have to see them in action. See how they treat me and others. If they talk bad about people to you behind their backs chances are they talk bad about you to others behind your back. I usually analyze how they treat others and what they say about others. I also see what they do.
If they don’t look at you in the eye when they talk to you it probobly means they are lying or are just being fake with you. Sometimes they give off a feeling of mistrust when you first meet the person. Sometimes you can tell if a person is not to be trusted but some people are good at being fake.

sleuth's avatar

Trust is only as good as the deception it hides behind

Clairey's avatar

I trust that most people are not evil and don’t go around thinking up ways to cause pain. We all trust each other everyday in that sense, when we’re driving for instance or eating in a restaurant. We have no choice on this level.
But to trust someone with my heart, my secrets and my unwavering loyalty, ‘fraid you have to earn that and it has to be done through words backed up by actions.

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