Social Question

bookwoman11's avatar

Is This Behavior Normal?

Asked by bookwoman11 (250points) January 6th, 2011

Let’s say that someone you’re in love with confides in you that upon the demise of his last relationship, he was so angry with his ex that, during the 3 weeks they continued to room together after their breakup, he swiped her toothbrush daily on his ass. This confession doesn’t arise out of guilt, rather he seems quite proud of himself. He’s no spring chicken. Would you find this disturbing? Would you believe him? Would it change your feelings for him/her? (This really happened, but I haven’t had the nerve to share it with anyone I personally know. Now I have all of you to run this by, so I’d like to gauge your reaction against mine.) TIA!

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

21 Answers

gailcalled's avatar

I find it bizarre, to say the least. I rarely use the label normal, however.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

I’m going to second “bizarre.”

auntydeb's avatar

This made me chuckle a little; many years ago, a (female) friend of mine was sharing a house (we were all ‘mature’ students at the time) with a chap she really didn’t like. After months of moaning, she was relieved when he gave his notice and duly left. The night before he moved out, whilst he was away from the house, she cleaned the toilet with his toothbrush, used several slices of bacon he had in the fridge to wipe the floor… These acts also seemed to give her some sense of pleasure and pride. I found it disgusting, but it did make me laugh.

I reckon it is childish behaviour and unnecessary. My female friend was young, angry and not inclined to deal head-on with her discomfiture with this chap – he was only a housemate, never a lover. The chap mentioned in your question has indulged in really silly, childish behaviour, which could also have led to a very unpleasant bout of illness for his ex. Question is really, if he still apparently ‘feels proud’ of his behaviour, has he made any progress in moving on from it? Is he a mature person in action as well as years now? If I were the one confided in, I would want to challenge that pride and ask if he felt some remorse now. It isn’t something to hang on to as an achievement!

Oh, and as a fan of ‘My Name is Earl’ (TV prog) I might even suggest he send her some flowers (perhaps anonymously) just to sort of make up for it… And didn’t doing that with the toothbrush hurt? ;o)

wundayatta's avatar

I would find it very disturbing and not a promising sign. I think I’d strongly consider ending the relationship.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Disgusting and a good clue as to his character.I would be gone

Response moderated (Spam)
bookwoman11's avatar

Yes, it’s been over for a couple of months now because I couldn’t handle the negativity and unprovoked hostility. When I find myself missing him, I go back to this story and am always repulsed to some degree. I just wanted some feedback to see if it’s as twisted as it seems to me. Thanks to all for your responses!

Kayak8's avatar

Twisted! Danger Will Robinson! I am concerned that he is sharing this with you (it almost seems like a warning of what he will do to you and is the kind of mind game—him sharing with you whether true or not, that is how domestic violence begins).

coffeenut's avatar


marinelife's avatar

Well, his confession would stop my being friends with him. (After all, if he was my friend he would inevitably come over to use the bathroom at some point, wouldn’t he?)

blueiiznh's avatar

immature and childish. i hope they have grown out of this phase. The fact that they are proud of this prior action makes me think not. Maybe they are telling you to get a new toothbrush for yourself. I would buy a years supply of toothbrushes and open a fresh one every day and see if he notices or gets it.

iamthemob's avatar

Totally childish. But we all have our petty moments, and I don’t know how bad the ex was making it for him.

Jude's avatar

Immature dude with mental issues. I’d stay away from him.

partyparty's avatar

I would most certainly say this is abnormal behaviour. And to boast about it is even stranger.
Hope you got a new toothbrush for yourself!

LuckyGuy's avatar

You made the right choice. When you left, I hope you sprinkled some cayenne pepper on the toothbrush you left behind.

Austinlad's avatar

To quote a wonderful line in the movie DODSWORTH… “Love has to end somewhere.”
Find someone less vengeful and more sanitary.

gailcalled's avatar

@Austinlad: Your line is more original and quoteworthy than the one from Dodsworth.

Supacase's avatar

Do you ever wonder what he may have done to something of yours when you broke up?

My husband’s cousin grew up with an abusive, single parent father. She did all of the cleaning and cooking. One time she put dog poop in a chocolate cake she made for him. He never had a clue. I am the only person she has ever told.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I wouldn’t want to be with that person because I’d find them incredibly childish.

Jeruba's avatar

I agree with @wundayatta and with everyone else who expressed approximately the same sentiment.

@bookwoman11, I sincerely doubt that you’ve lost anything you’d have been better off keeping.

Pandora's avatar

Run don’t walk and buy everything new you ever shared together. He sounds extremely vindictive and childish. What will he do to the next person. A little bit of rat poison to make them ill?

Answer this question




to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther