What would you do in this situation?

Oops, I’m sorry, our parents DO know we are together.

You have the answer in your tag – emancipation. Go to the website and follow the instructions to have the court issue your order. search for emancipation + (your state)

@YARNLADY would my mom get into a lot of trouble? I just want her to leave me alone and let me leave.

If you have any family nearby including your father you would most likely not go into foster care. DCF much prefers to place kids with family members than with foster families. You could also become an emancipated minor which basically means you live on your own and support yourself and you do not need a parent or guardian’s permission to do certain things. You ordinarily have to get the permission of your guardian parent in this case, your mother but since I don’t know where you live or your exact circumstances, I would look up the laws in your area. You may only need your father’s permission.

It also sounds to me like your mother is mentally ill to one degree or other. Has she been officially diagnosed? If she has, she might be entitled to some kind of government aid because of that. If she has not been officially diagnosed, I would do some research as to what would constitute a mental illness in your area. This might also make her legally unfit as a guardian.

Barring all that, is there a way for someone else to live with you guys, maybe your boyfriend or another family member? Another person in the house might help with tensions and your mom might be able to charge rent which would help with her money issues.

As far as you and your boyfriend living together, take a look at your statutory rape laws. Even if your mom is okay with things now, it sounds like she might use the age difference against you. For example, in my state, it would be illegal for a 16-year-old and a 19-year-old to engage in sexual activities but it is legal for a 17-year-old and 19-year-old.

Please keep us posted!

@KatawaGrey She hasn’t been diagnosed but my friends and my Dad’s side of the family really do believe their is something wrong with her.
Maybe I really should try to find my Dad’s number. I’m sort of scared though because there have been times where my dad and I haven’t gotten along.
I know my mom can make it on her own but she puts all the guilt on me to stay here.

@KatawaGrey P.S. I live in Crescent city, CA.

@projectilevomit: That’s what makes me think she might use the age difference between you and your boyfriend against you. Right now, the best thing you can do is research the laws in your area. Your mother has to be officially diagnosed by a medical professional in order to receive any kind of government aid. I believe if she is proven to be mentally ill, she may be covered under the Americans with Disabilities Act.

What other family members are near you? Is it possible you could live with one of them while still legally being a dependent of your mother?

I guess I could say my dad.

run away

@projectilevomit No, your mother would not get in trouble if you apply for emancipation. It is entirely on you and no one else. She might fight it if she is receiving child support for you, or gets an income tax write off. Do the research and talk to people in your area.

“I need to be here because she says that she won’t receive her welfare and housing if she cannot prove if I am living here with her.” Without going into tons of personal detail, I’ve pretty much been in your exact situation. The guilt that your mom is laying on you isn’t fair, just like it wasn’t fair to me, either. It is not up to you to provide a roof over her head, it’s the other way around. And you deserve a loving environment.

First, before you see about emancipation, is there any way that you could live with your father? Would he be willing to take you in? If not, in order to actually gain emancipation, you’re going to have to prove that you can truly take care of yourself. That means getting a full time job, paying bills and rent, having money for food and transportation, etc. when and if you have to. And it’s really, really hard out there. Not saying it’s impossible, but I feel that if this is something you’re going to really consider, you should definitely be aware of the reality.

Laws regarding age of consent in California: http://www.ageofconsent.com/california.htm

Something else you need to consider before moving in with your boyfriend. If you did get emancipated, and you two lived together, where would you go if you broke up? What would you do? Could you fully support yourself, by yourself? Disregard any ideas about how good your relationship with him is right now. Life throws unexpected curve balls, so you need to have a backup plan before you even consider living with him.

I totally agree with Yarnlady and KatawaGrey! She def sounds like she has some kind of mental illness, most likely Major Depressive Disorder! She needs counseling. You’ll see a diff in her attitude when she’s medicated trust me I KNOW! Just remember when she does get medicated and she’s on a SSRI, it doesnt work overnight. It’ll take about a month to see the change with her. just try hard to be patient, because she might be ill. IF you absolutely can’t stand her presence, then I suggest you live with your dad. Things might pan out well or not, but you won’t know till you’ve tried. You are almost of legal age… Once you have kids you’ll understand the hardships that parents go thru. So, you’ll know not to make the mistakes your parents did with you. I hope everything works out well in the end!

I’d get legal emancipation. Check your state’s statuatory rape laws though and find out first if your bf would get in any trouble if your relationship came to the knowledge of the law. I say this because of what you’ve written about your mother, she might try to fight your emancipation so can keep receiving benefits from you being her dependent. She might threaten to cause trouble for your bf in order to keep you as her legal dependent to protect those benefits.

Your mother might have mental issues and though you love her and know she needs you, you deserve to start a life on your own as an adult, free to choose yourself independent or with a love over guilt or perceived responsibility. Try to get some counseling if you do end up leaving her because trust me, it’s tough to walk away from someone you think needs you, for whatever reasons.

Thanks, everyone. I’m going to talk to my dad about living with him or make some arrangements. If I do anything legally, I’ll have to say that my boyfriend and I are broken up, etc. But will my mom lose her housing if I’m gone? She has to be on it a year and then she can move wherever she wants. :-/ I’m scared her and my brother are just going to hate me for making this decision.

@projectilevomit Yes, there’s a chance that she might lose it. However, since you said your brother is living there too, that may not happen. Don’t let your mother guilt you into taking care of her, hon. It’s not right for her to use you this way. You’re the child, not the parent, which she seems to have forgotten.

@DrasticDreamer No, my brother is thirty-one and doesn’t live with us. I’m the one she’s using for the housing because I’m the minor. But the thing is that she got a large sum of money from the original house because my Dad had to split the money with her. She had the money put in my brother’s name because if the housing found out she had gotten the money she wouldn’t be able to be on the housing program. I’m mad because she gets money from the welfare and my child support and the money sum of money she got from the house; but every time I ask her about money she says she has none. She doesn’t have any money because she spends, spends, spends. My mom makes me feel really bad because she twists up words so good it makes me feel wrong but for some reason I feel right. She’s over fifty years old and doesn’t have a damn thing goin’ for her. Do you think it would be best to wait until I’m seventeen in March to make any drastic choices? I feel like I should finish the school year here and figure this stuff out in the summer and get a job in the mean time. :/

If you were in NY and having sex, your boyfriend could be charged with statutory rape if anyone decides to press charges. Age of consent here is 17. Many people think it is a stupid law, but it is the law, and I personally know some poor guy that is now a registered sex offender because of it. It does not matter what you think, or how long you have been dating. You are below the age of consent and all the DA needs are copies of your birth certificates.

So “What would I do?” If I was the 19 year old I would wait until your birthday.
Not 10 days before like our friend did.

@worriedguy I see, thank you. But can my Mom really still get him in trouble if she let him live with us?
I’ve talked to my dad and he’s going to try to take my mom to court. In the meantime, we’re “broken up” and he’s going to leave awhile before I do so it won’t be suspicious, you know?

@projectilevomit: I would just like to point out that you are handling this very well and in a very mature way. It may not be much comfort now, but in the future, you will be able to handle a lot of things that your mother seems unable to handle.

Can you live with your brother? It sounds like your dad isn’t a much better option than your mom but your brother is old enough to become your legal guardian if necessary.

@KatawaGrey Thank you very much. I can’t go with my brother because he’s the one handling the money with my mom so he might just say, “Oh, you better stay” or something like that. I’m sorry if I’m asking too many questions, its just I want to make sure I’m going about this correctly. All I really want to do is go home with my Dad. In an event that my dad couldn’t take me, could my grandma or someone willing take me so I don’t end up in a foster home? Like, aren’t I old enough to have a say who I live with now?

Trust me, if there is a family member, whether it’s a grandmother, an aunt or uncle, or even your brother, close by, you will most likely not be placed in foster care. Being an older teenager may help you as far as where you go if not living with your mom or dad.

I sincerely hope this works.