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Blasian_Love's avatar

Was I overreacting to my boyfriend's action at the New Year's Eve party?

Asked by Blasian_Love (34points) January 8th, 2011

On New Year’s Eve I was at a party with my boyfriend. Everyone was getting drunk including me so I was over emotional. I cry easily after I have fun. Anyways, there’s this girl that is somewhat attractive but kind of ditzy. She was with her new boyfriend.

Anyways, I was standing right there when my bf told her to try his burrito. She took a bite while he was holding it and asked, “Is there meat in this? I’m a vegetarian.” She mostly got rice but there was a piece of meat on her chin…and my bf took it off and ate it.

I was really upset b/c feeding someone and taking meat off her face n eating it seemed kind of a “more than friendly” type of thing. Then I saw him going around feeding people his burrito so I let the hand feeding thing go since he went around trying to get other peopel to try it.

I talked to him (while we were drunk) and he said it was no big deal and that she had meat and he wanted to eat it.

A week later (us sober), yesterday he didn’t remember doing that. He remembered her but not that moment that I got angry over.

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23 Answers

Blasian_Love's avatar

To me it reminded me of the movies when a guy has chocolate on his lip, and the girl takes her finger to wipe it off and lick it. I felt like this was the same thing except it was meat..

CaptainHarley's avatar

Can you say, “Mountain out of a molehill,” boys and girls? : )

Blasian_Love's avatar

What’s that mean?

CaptainHarley's avatar

It means making something big out of something small.

Blasian_Love's avatar

Let me ask you, if your wife fed a guy and then wiped a bit of sauce on his chin/corner of lip or whatever, and licked it/ate wouldn’t bother?

jca's avatar

Perhaps you were overreacting because the girl was attractive, and you experienced a bit of jealousy about her being there, and perhaps were wondering if your boyfriend was attracted to her as well? you did not say how old you are or how long you guys were going out for. weeks? months? years?

Blasian_Love's avatar

I’m age 22, goin out 3 years, and she was pretty attractive, but I know he wasn’t attracted to her personality definitely. She was really ditzy…attractive or not…I don’t want him doing that to a girl.

Seaofclouds's avatar

Would you be as bothered if it was a guy? When people are drunk, they have less inhibitions, that is probably why he went ahead and took the meat off her face and ate it. He probably wasn’t thinking anything sexual about it, just that he wanted to eat it. The fact that he walked around and was sharing his burrito with everyone else shows that it wasn’t just some way to get close to her. To me, it’s something that while it upset you, letting it further cause problems for your relationship (especially when he was so drunk that he doesn’t even remember it) is silly.

It’s not like he took his tongue and licked it off of her. I mean, it could’ve been worse. If it’s something you don’t want repeated, unfortunately, I think you have to chalk it up to drunken behavior that he most likely wasn’t even aware of. You could mention it to him and let him know that you would prefer him not to do it again, but if getting drunk and having parties is something you do often, I wouldn’t be surprised if it happens again. It sounds like he is a happy drunk.

It sounds like it’s a bit more of a trust issue for you than anything else. It honestly sounds like you think it means more than it did. If my husband did it, I honestly wouldn’t think much of it. I know who he is going home with and that he wouldn’t mean anything by it.

CaptainHarley's avatar

It’s perfectly understandable, you not wanting him to do that. My wife would never even consider doing that, and neither one of us drinks, so it’s even less likely. But if she did do that, I might ask her about it, but I’m confident enough in her love for me to know that the gesture would have meant virtually nothing.

Blasian_Love's avatar

Thanks guys. I wanted an opinion before I talk to him about it but I think I’m not going to. I mean we already did so I ‘m not going to bring it up again.

CaptainHarley's avatar

That’s very wise of you. : )

jca's avatar

By the way, welcome to Fluther. I recommend you fill in your profile, answer some other’s questions and revisit the site often (like daily). We’re a nice community of all kinds of people and if you get into it, you’ll find Fluther is lots of fun!

Blasian_Love's avatar

I’m brand new to this site. I will.

choreplay's avatar

Welcome Blasian Love!!! Sometimes in these situations the greatest battle is in our own heads, regarding our, “what was up with that”, reaction. Was it significant or was it not significant, should I bring it up or blow it off, how important is this and how hard should I fight for it. I provided a link when I had a similar wrestling match with myself.

Let me give you another relational tool to use if you have never heard this. Its called an I statement; It might have gone like this: “Babe, when you took that meat off of that other girl, I felt angry and I was struggling with feeling jealous”. The basic structure of these statements are

When you ______
I feel _____
and it makes me want to ______

Realize this, this situation and what happened was important to you and ya it was a little over normal bondaries, but given the context I would say this is one of those blow it over situations.

Hope some of this helps.

Seelix's avatar

I really don’t think it’s a big deal. I can see how it would bother you when you were drunk, but considering he was doing the same thing to other people and now doesn’t remember it, it obviously wasn’t a big deal for him and he clearly didn’t mean anything by it.
Now that you two have talked about it, though, he’ll probably think twice before doing something like that again. I’d just let it go if I were you.

My fiance and I used to have arguments like that all the time when we were drinking – then we both realized that if we’ve had a few too many, we overreact to little things. Just that realization has led to a lot more happy nights out and a lot less crying in the bathroom.

Zaku's avatar

Sounds like nothing to me.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Hm, I wouldn’t worry about it.

jenandcolin's avatar

Just sounds like a good way to get mono to me…
but, I am a huge germophobe.
I don’t think I would want my significant other feeding other people his burrito and then (I am assuming) eating after it. I think that part would bother me more.
I am easily grossed out by things like that. I also don’t eat at buffets, for somewhat similar reasons

deni's avatar

I also wouldn’t worry about it. It was just a friendly thing to do, ya know? Let it go.

charliecompany34's avatar

ever see the movie, “the hangover?” he was drunk. you were drunk. maybe a little less than he was—enough to still rationalize, but nonetheless under the influence. your after-thought is valid, but now a thing of the past. you can make a big deal out of it if you want, but “the night of” would have been more timely but not advised.

it’s in the past, especially if he does not remember it. on the other hand, however, we do what we really want to do when intoxicated. keep that in mind.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

That is why you have sober parties then no one does questionable things or if they do they can’t claim ot was the booze. If you are sober then you have to come with a more honest or creative way to explain any act you did that might be seen a Boorish to another, especially your partner.

shoebox's avatar

I dont know… if it was my boyfriend I’d be like wtf? cuz it’s not really something you do so openly…. and if you have a girlfriend it’s sought of sexual to be doing something like that…. but I don’t think its really something to worry about… don’t worry yourself about it, if your boyfriend wants to be stupid the door is always open for you… there are plenty of ‘fish in the sea’ and plenty who don’t do stupid things while drunk.

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