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iphigeneia's avatar

How do I kindly say "Actually, I don't want to hang out sometime"?

Asked by iphigeneia (6224points) January 9th, 2011

Okay, so I never thought I’d be asking Fluther for this sort of advice but I seem to have fallen down a hole.

While out with friends I was introduced to this guy. At some point there was a seat free, he was looking kind of lonely and we chatted for a while. He asked for my number so I gave it to him. Over the next couple of days we exchanged fairly mundane texts (always intitiated by him). Now he says he’d like to get to know me better and we should hang out sometime.

The problem: I’m not interested. He’s a nice person but I found him kind of boring. I did a bit of facebook research and we have nothing in common. Even my usual all-rounder conversation topics (food and university) went nowhere. We’ve already discussed the weather so much I have no idea what we’d talk about while “hanging out”.

I’m comfortable with the idea of saying no if somebody wants to be more than friends, but how do I respond if even the friends zone is pushing it?

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22 Answers

marinelife's avatar

Just tell him honestly “No thanks, I don’t want to hang out sometime.”

Leave it at that. Don’t explain. Don’t answer the “why” question.

Then stop answering his texts and phone calls.

janbb's avatar

“Sorry, I’m afraid I’m too busy right now.” Then proceed as @marinelife suggests. He should get the message.

Prark's avatar

Say- “I have to do something right now. I am really busy. Maybe later.”

cockswain's avatar

Say “I’m sorry, I’m not interested.” Nothing more. Don’t imply there’s hope for the future by saying “maybe some other time” or “see you around.” Leave it as that.

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Austinlad's avatar

I totally agree with @marinelife. If you want to break off communication with this fellow, make your last message to him (whether written or verbal) honest, quick and to the point. One comment, however, about your question: in the future, you might consider not making Facebook the only way to decide whether you have things in common with a stranger. It really does take face-to-face meetings + time to make those kind of determinations.

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Prark's avatar

Well being rude could get you to have hatred from a person. Just be calm. Do not swear at the person after all he is just trying to be your friend.

jca's avatar

I would tell him I don’t have time for a relationship but we can keep in touch on FB.

BarnacleBill's avatar

Tell him that he seems like a nice person, but you don’t feel like you have any interests in common, and that you don’t have the availability at the moment to invest in a new relationship. If he’s someone that your friends know, it’s possible that you are going to bump into him again, so you need to keep it polite and friendly, but not allow it to get personal.

It could be that his intention is to get to know more people, in which case, including him in group plans would be nice if you know people in common, but it doesn’t have to cross the line into a one-on-one relationship.

WhenAllLightDies's avatar

I know how I would like to be let down… Just be honest. Say what you mean, and mean what you say.

Aster's avatar

I think I’d say, “um no; I’m sorry but I don’t think so.” He’ll understand I hope.

hotgirl67's avatar

’‘I’ve got a lot of stuff going on so I can’t really hang out’’.

ftc68's avatar

Either say “No, thanks”

or, you can help him out of his shell. He’s nervous and self-conscious because he thinks other people find him boring. And he’s right. But it sounds like he’s trying to do something about it.

Since he’s not the best conversationalist, maybe go on a bike ride or explore your city. Things you’d want to do anyway that are intrinsically interesting, but would be kinda nice to have someone to do with with.

Kardamom's avatar

These situations are always so awkward. I would say, “You know, you seem like a nice guy, but I just don’t think we have much in common.” If (and most likely when) he says something like, “But if we got to know each other better, you might change your mind.” Then you have to be polite, but firm and just say, “I’m sorry, I’m just not interested.” And leave it at that.

If he persists after that, we’ll have to give you some more advice. Good luck.

choreplay's avatar

Keep giving him polite excuses. The rules for guys are three rejections (including excuses) and he should move on. If not then you will have to tell him straight out your not dating anyone now.

15barcam's avatar

Just say that it was really nice of him to ask, but youre just too busy. If he asks again, give him the same answer. it shouldn’t take more than two times for him to get the message

deni's avatar

I’d say that I have a lot going on in my life right now and I don’t have much time to hang out. Sorry.

iphigeneia's avatar

Okay, I think I handled it well, thanks for talking me through it :)

But since he’s not here to defend himself I feel I should put in a word to mention that to other people he’s probably pretty cool. It’s not him, it’s not me, I just didn’t see us having the potential to be interesting.

dcompguru's avatar

wow. some of you gals are so fake. seriously. and you give terrible advice about how to be fake. just BE honest as long as it isn’t hurtful or cruel. Go with Kardamom’s advice!!!

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dcompguru's avatar

@noelleptc so true. I’m glad you girls are out there! :)

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