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casheroo's avatar

What do you do when your heart hurts?

Asked by casheroo (18081points) January 9th, 2011

I’m not depressed, but I’m so so sad.
Situations in life have not yet determined the future of my family, but the not-knowing is killing me. I just wish it was over and done with.

What can you do for yourself when you just feel helpless, and are having trouble living in the now?

I’m just really lost, and really sad. I don’t want to lose it in front of the kids, but it’s hard to be normal. I’m in robot mode and I don’t think it’s fair to the children :(
I’m not asking for medical advice and “go see a therapist” is not an option…no health insurance for at least another month.

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14 Answers

blueiiznh's avatar

Sorry to hear you are having a rough time. Do you have some local support to help?
Many things create a helpless feeling and in my experience, it is from being in a situation where you feel you really don’t have much control.
You are doing the right thing in keeping focused and holding together for the kids. That you should be proud of.
If you are spiritual, you can always talk to a priest/minister, etc. They can help shed a differnt view on things.
Try to write out what is going on or troubling. Writing is goo to help focus.
Know that whatever is going on that is bringing this on shall pass.
Keep your head up as you said for the kids and in time, you know you are doing it for you.
My prayers are with you.

nikipedia's avatar

What are your positive coping mechanisms? Talking to friends, exercise, cooking, reading, gardening, being out in nature? Can you make a list of these, and make an effort to include them in your life? I imagine it’s hard with kids, and I don’t know what your current situation is, but the better care you can take of yourself, the better care you can take of them.

I am not sure if it helps you, but it helps me to remember that these things are cyclical. Happiness comes, and goes, and comes again.

I went to a meditation class this morning that was really helpful to me, although without more details, I don’t know how well you can apply it to your situation. The teacher suggested that when we are feeling down about something (or angry, resentful, like a failure, etc.) we let ourselves feel it. That by identifying, acknowledging, and experiencing that negative feeling, it serves its purpose and loses some of its power.

Then, he suggested we meditate on the idea, “this is a story I tell myself.” The story of failure, of anger, of disappointment—the feeling is real, but we don’t have to believe the feeling. The feeling is a story we tell ourselves.

Meego's avatar

@blueiiznh that is a great response!
@casheroo I’ve had my share of a crappy life. I always talk to God. I also try to find other things that will take my mind off of what is bringing me down, for me it has been cleaning, exercising, doing things with my daughter. I only loose it when no one is around, which lucky for me is not often. I am sorry your going through a rough time but you will get through it, we all have rough patches, mine always seem to be at the same time.

filmfann's avatar

I will watch Casablanca, A Letter To Three Wives, or The Best Years Of Our Lives.
My problems seem smaller, and it is like a visit with old friends.

kenmc's avatar

What I do is drink like a fish and go for frequent walks. I only recommend the latter, though.

Uncertainty has been the largest deciding factor in my entire life. When it comes down to it, you just need to look at the little things. What can you control? What decisions have you made that were great? Thinking about this stuff can give you confidence and faith that everything can turn out beautifully.

tinyfaery's avatar

Ask someone to watch the kids and have a breakdown. Cry, sleep, scream…do what you have to do to feel what you need to feel and get it out. You will be no good to anyone walking around numb.

faye's avatar

Sometimes I’m able to comparmentalize and get lost in a book. I always feel a little better. Sometimes I can’t and I obsess, eat, drink- nothing I recommend. Would running to exhaustion or working out help you. I used to go on bakathons when my kids were younger and not on a diet.

rooeytoo's avatar

You just have to keep telling yourself this too shall pass. And deal with it in increments that you can handle easily, you know like one day at a time or one minute at a time if you must. Tell yourself well I made it through this one and I didn’t go off so I can make it through another, until the crisis is passed. And have a look at this website. Melodie Beattie has saved my life and sanity on many occasions! Good luck.

picante's avatar

My heart has been taken to the dumpster recently, and there is no “one size fits all” solution. You know yourself, and you know your strength to bear what has been handed you. Feel it, curse it, leave it. Take comfort where you can, and use your heartache to move toward grace. Time will be your friend.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Serious exertion, as in workingout, running, biking, swimming, etc. It gives me something to focus on for awhile and the endorphins at the end help. Then I can focus on the issues and deal with what I need to.

SuperMouse's avatar

I agree with @psychocandy, if there is anyone who can take care of the kids try to get a few moments to yourself and break down. I had a pretty trying time recently (the not knowing was definitely the hardest), and being able to lose it it was very cathartic. If there is no way to be by yourself maybe you could stick the kids in the stroller and take a long intense walk, they’ll be in front of you and won’t see any tears. If weather prevents that, maybe go to an indoor mall and take a couple of laps. I’m so sorry you are going through this, thoughts, prayers, and big hugs are coming your way.

casheroo's avatar

Thank you all so much. I really appreciate the supportive comments.

I’m going to try and get myself out of this. I’m already trying to move on, start a career, and be there for my children since the worst has yet to even come.

Meego's avatar

@casheroo So your preparing yourself for the worse. That shows you have the capability to eventually get through it even if it’s not the worse thing you encounter in your life. Starting over is not as hard as it seems and we can make it worse than it is, upheaval is always going to happen and we wouldn’t be human if it didn’t. Be strong and confident and fight for what is yours and what you want in and around your life and I think you will be alright.

gm_pansa's avatar

You’re suffering heartache. I too know this feeling, and it’s horrid. The best thing I can tell you is just try to take it day by day and also try to surround yourself with hobbies/activities that make you happy. It’s what I’ve tried. Helps a little anyways.

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