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Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I've never been in a nasty hate your guts breakup and was just curious what was some of the crap others have put up with?

Asked by Adirondackwannabe (36545points) January 13th, 2011

Jude’s question had me wondering what some people are capable of and what they do to a former lover in a breakup. Have you been through a messy one and are willing to share some of the info? You can be as discreet or as detailed as you like. Or just state what you’d like to do the the ex if you could do anything at all with no consequences.

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26 Answers

Summum's avatar

I will share a bad one. My first marriage was awful and the wife was very controlling. We seperated and I was living in an apartment. She called me and asked if we could meet at the house and set the time and day. When I showed up she was not there so I pulled in the carport and was listening to the radio waiting for her. I looked in my rear view mirror and saw a friend of mine walking up the drive way. I got out of the car and walked towards him. When I came out of the carport I saw 4 cop cars and police behind their driver door with shotguns. My friend that was there asked if I had a gun. I said no and he asked to search the car so I let him. He waved the other police away and told me my ex had called the police and said I was coming to kill her and the kids with a gun. I never went there alone again. And the sad thing is this is not the worst thing she did.

Coloma's avatar

Oh God…do I really want to revisit my catastrophic divorce? lol

My ex was a raging narcissistic control freak. When I finally woke up to his infidelities and abuses and decided I had to divorce him he pulled out all the stops.
Cleaned out bank accounts, broke back into our home after we separated and took valuable items that should have been negotiated fairly. Hid assets, and drug his feet signing the divorce papers along with thousand and thousands in unecessary legal fees due to his uncooperative nature.

It took five years, FIVE YEARS to finalize the divorce!
I spent a year in therapy learning that my insights and perceptions were dead on, am pretty sure I suffered some serious PTSD stuff and…damn…..lets just say, surviving THAT divorce and marriage has been the single greatest triumph of my life.

It’s been 8 years, he has recently remarried….poor, poor woman, little does she know that when the mask slips, the devil will be revealed. lol

I’d say my full ‘recovery’ took about 4–5 years. Never again! haha

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Summum Holy shit, that’s cold.
@Coloma That’s pretty pathetic on his part. Look how much time he spent messing with you instead of living a good life and enjoying himself.

Coloma's avatar

None of that is unusual for those with serious personality disorders.

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Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Coloma That makes sense.
@noelleptc You are kind of hard to look at. (she knows I’m kidding. After the other crap I’ll have villagers with torches after me)

Coloma's avatar

@noelleptc

That must be hard. My daughter was 15 when we split and so I didn’t have to deal with much child custody stuff. He’d pick her up when I wasn’t home or I’d drop her off.

It would have been sooo much worse if she was still little. For that I was very grateful.

Our relationship is very close and I am glad she survived those crazy days and is a very mature young woman now.

Coloma's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe

Yep, I could probably have my PhD in about 3 months after that case study. lol

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Summum's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe If that is @noelleptc in her avatar she is great to look at. Smile

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I’ve never done anything spiteful to a person in a break up. I always felt bad for them as I was usually the one breaking it off. However, when my ex-husband wouldn’t move out after we asked him for months, I took his mattress and threw it over the balcony.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe Perhaps you’re having trouble separating when things are actually funny and ironic and when things aren’t. Sometimes, in the context of the internet and without certain emoticons, things people post simply aren’t amusing – they’re not offensive either, just pointless. And to have them come back at you with quips about lack of humor is pathetic. You know us better than that. Besides, is it not okay to say when things aren’t funny even if someone else does find them so?

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Not quite sure I got your point. I’m not sure what you’re referring to, is it something I posted on this thread or another one?

tinyfaery's avatar

I’ve never seen any reason to be vindictive or mean when when it comes to breaking up with people and I have never really had anyone do anything horrible to me. There have been tears and fights, but nothing like what people are describing here.

john65pennington's avatar

Of the many domestic calls i have answered, this particular one stands out. you will understand, once your read what’s below.

Man and woman had been married about ten years. something happened and well, they divorced. they lived in a house that was about three years old. the house was loaded inside with expensive antiques. i made the report for damage to property and here are the events that lead up to my police call.

Both had divorce attorneys. both had moved out of the house, once the divorce papers had been served on each other. the woman, fearing that her husband would go back to the house and take all the antiques, hired a private security guard to protect her 50% of the property and house. sure enough, the man goes back to the house to pick up some personal belongings like, razor, shaving cream, etc. the hired security guard would not let the husband into his own house. a fight ensued and a gunshot rang out. the security guard pulled his weapon and shot at the man. no injuries. police were called and the security guard was arrested.

This was a serious and stupid move the woman made, in order to protect her 50% of the property.

Summum's avatar

Here is one more that my ex did. I had all the records of the Beatles and in the original sleeves that has all the pictures on them. When we divorced she broke everyone of them. I’m not sure how much they would be worth now.

faye's avatar

I had one ex who phoned every 3 minutes to swear at me. It only took about 8 mins with our phone company to change my number. I can imagine him cursing on the next phone call!

MissAusten's avatar

Does it count if the break up was my parents’ and not my own?

My parents weren’t close and didn’t have much in common. There was no abuse or anything really dramatic. When I was a junior in college, my dad went on a fishing trip with my brother (a high school junior). While they were gone, my mom moved out. She’d already set up an apartment, bought some furniture, and had almost everything ready. I knew she was moving out and didn’t say anything to my dad. She acted like it was the world’s biggest joke. When my dad and brother got home, it didn’t take long for them to see that my mom had left.

It was years before they actually divorced. While my dad thought they were trying to work things out, my mom was stringing him along for money. He wanted to go to a counselor, but she refused. My mom finally filed divorce papers and had them served to my dad at work, which was humiliating to him because he is a very private person. The divorce took about two years because she kept bringing up horrible lies in court. She started telling anyone and everyone she’d been abused for years, that when she had a miscarriage he refused to take her to the hospital, that she wasn’t allowed to eat any food in our house, and all kinds of crap like that. My dad was horrified and more and more angry with each thing she brought up. She even called his favorite restaurant, the place we always went to as a family for every special event AND the place my dad ate lunch every single day and accused the hostess of sleeping with my father. She screamed and threw a fit. My dad never went back there. The family who owns the place used to be our neighbors and close friends, and my dad was so embarrassed he won’t even say the name of the restaurant. She did this more than a year after she moved out just to be spiteful.

Actually, I think my mom and @Coloma ‘s ex sound like they have a lot in common. :)

Now both of my parents have remarried. My dad is really happy and seems to have learned from his mistakes. He seems to work at making sure he spends quality time with his wife and they do a lot of things together. My mom, on the other hand, is miserable, married a man who cheated on her, has a lot of financial problems, and basically hates her life.

Karma can be a bitch.

Cruiser's avatar

Just as I was beginning to realize my ex no longer fancied the married life….getting maced in the face by her pretty much said it all and was about as brutal as it gets in that department. that shit really hurts

Coloma's avatar

@MissAusten

Wow, that is CRAZY!

I could tell similar stories, but, I prefer to not go there.

Just amazing how you never REALLY know anyone.

That was the hardest thing for me.

WHO the hell ARE you? WHO is this person I have been sleeping with for the last 20 years? haha

Yes, karma is a bitch, and, that was the name of my ex’s first girlfriend!
How perfect was that!
I never laughed so hard in my life!

Remember the TV show ‘Dharma and Greg’?

Well…this was ” Karma & Craig”.

The Universe does have a great sense of humor! lolol

Coloma's avatar

@Cruiser

Seriously? She maced you! Why? haha

That’s horrible!

Cruiser's avatar

@Coloma I found out she recently had been shacking up with a heroine addict and told her she was an idiot. She apparently felt threatened by my observations and judgmental tone of voice and blasted me. It was unfun for sure.

Coloma's avatar

@Cruiser

Heh…I imagine that came as quite a shock!
Egads!

Dutchess_III's avatar

Man you guys….You went through some bad stuff.

The worst I had was when I asked my ex to move out he spent the next year trying to get me back. He became a born again Bible thumper. Once he kind of locked me and the kids into his apartment, wouldn’t let me leave until we “talked.” The kids were scared and crying. He was saying things like, “It is God’s will that your mother and I get back together. I want to do as God tells me and your Mom is refusing HIS WILL.” Scared the living shit out of the kids.
Shit like that. I was used to his rantings, but in those few moments, because he was doing this in front of our children, I knew what raw hate was….

Eventually we did get back together…briefly. Within two days a wasn’t a Christian any more. He went right back to his old shit, including hooking back up with the girl he’d been cheating on me with before.

I filed and got the hell out of there.

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