General Question

mindful's avatar

What is an example of bad parenting and good parenting?

Asked by mindful (339points) January 15th, 2011

Would you want your kids to be immoral if thats what it costs them to succed? or Would you want your kids to be ethical at the cost of some amount of success?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

25 Answers

Megan64's avatar

Would you want your kids to be immoral if thats what it costs them to succed?
No, absolutely not.

Would you want your kids to be ethical at the cost of some amount of success?
Yes, absolutely.

CaptainHarley's avatar

We need to redefine “success.”

poisonedantidote's avatar

Change the word success for the word survive and you have a deal, otherwise I side with ethics.

CaptainHarley's avatar

Maybe this one?

THAT MAN IS A SUCCESS

who has lived well,
laughed often and loved much;

who has gained the respect
of intelligent men
and the love of children;

who has filled his niche
and accomplished his task;

who leaves the world better
than he found it,
whether by an improved poppy,
a perfect poem or a rescued soul;

who never lacked appreciation
of earth’s beauty
or failed to express it;

who looked for the best in others
and gave the best he had.

BBSDTfamily's avatar

No, I would rather my child keep their morals/ethics than be more “successful” if you mean in terms of money/career. But to me, keeping your values is a form of success, so I guess it just depends what is important to you.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Ethics above success.

flutherother's avatar

My kids morality is a part of who they are and I don’t want them to change. Success would be nice if it happened but it is not important.

marinelife's avatar

Ethics above material gain and fame (which do not necessarily define success in my book).

CaptainHarley's avatar

Perhaps if we define “success” as BEING ethical, at least in part? : )

lynfromnm's avatar

Good parent to 6 year old: You broke Davey’s toy. You must apologize to Davey, and work on chores to earn money to buy him a new toy.

Bad parent to 6 year old: You didn’t mean to break Davey’s toy. You’re only six. Don’t worry, we won’t play with Davey any more if he’s going to be such a big baby about it.

@CaptainHarley is absolutely correct that you cannot be truly successful unless you are ethical. How you get there is more important than the ultimate goal. Success is doing what you love and being able to love what you see in the mirror. Success has nothing to do with what you accumulate.

CaptainHarley's avatar

@lynfromnm

Nice to know that sometimes people agree with me. : ))

mindful's avatar

@CaptainHarley @lynfromnm

Well my point was to present a kid who is vicious and uses and manipulates people as it suits him to gain power and success. This kid is also well like by some/lot of their peers because he engage in all the activities (drugs, alcohol, violence) that some “misguided” adolescents would engage in.

versus

a kid who is intelligent, caring, understanding etc..good moral values. perhaps average or slightly above average in academics. Who will be successful in life but not as successful as the vicious kid. But he has chances of being fooled and harmed by the vicious ones.

As a parent would you prefer viciousness and super smartness or ethical and smart? I have seen a whole bunch of parents with the first choice. If their kids can get away with it they won’t criticize their children. Some would I guess, but there are just so many troublesome kids in highschool and college that i dont understand what is going on.

lynfromnm's avatar

Ethical always wins the day with me. As I said, my definition of success is being passionate about what you do and liking the person in the mirror.

CaptainHarley's avatar

I would tell you what I think is going on to make so many young people have no moral compass whatsoever, but you wouldn’t want to believe me.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I’m listening, @CaptainHarley…..

CaptainHarley's avatar

1. Too many single parent families where the parent is unable or unwilling to impose discipline.

2. Too many people believing they are “entitled” to something other than opportunity.

3. The abandonment of moral/ethical/religious guidelines.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Agreed!
And, I would add, the abandonment of self-responsibility. Which could actually fall under your #2 or #3.

mindful's avatar

@CaptainHarley @Dutchess_III

What about both parents working and absorbed fully in their work? They don’t know what their kids do after school and the parents don’t have as much time to be involved in their kid’s life.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@mindful He’s speaking in generalities. I was a single mom for ten years. Raised the kids by myself. His statement doesn’t apply to me, but in general, I have to agree that the kids of single parent homes are usually at a disadvantage. I and my kids were at a disadvantage financially, but that’s not the worst thing that can happen to a kid in their life.

CaptainHarley's avatar

@Dutchess_III

My hat’s off to any single parent who truly tries to do a good job of raising their children. Two of my daughters did that and both of them were moderately successful. Both of their girls are doing well in their studies ( the older one is in her Junior year in college ), they have mostly stayed out of trouble, and what little the younger one got into was relatively minor. I’m very proud of all FOUR of them! : D

Dutchess_III's avatar

I think “moderate success” can actually be applied to ANY parent, together or not, who manage to raise reasonably healthy, happy successful kids! I don’t think any kid ever turns out just exactly like the parent wants….unless that kid ends up denying who he really is just to conform to expectations….just a thought.

CaptainHarley's avatar

Exactly my point. It’s very possible to raise kids who use drugs or abuse alcohol or who get in trouble with the law.

flutherother's avatar

I think being there for them is good and not being there is bad and that’s about it folks.

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther