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Mtl_zack's avatar

Former friends...

Asked by Mtl_zack (6759points) April 11th, 2008

a few months ago, i had a few friends who i got into a fight with because they dont respect me enough. basically what that means is what it sounds like. they would treat me as the weakling of the group and push me around. i cut off all contact with them, and found new friends, and basically a new life. now they want to discuss what happened and possibly be friends again. should i try it again? by the way, in general, the people around me usually say im too forgiving, excluding this event.

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29 Answers

peedub's avatar

I don’t know what kind of closure, if any, you experienced after this fight. That could be one reason to at least have a discussion. You will get a chance to say how you feel. What this person did sounds messed up and I’ve had the same happen to me. Do you really want to be friends with this person again?
If so, forgive them and give them one ‘free pass.’
If you don’t, forgive them anyway and hang out with your new friends.

amandaahoch's avatar

have your former friends been “friendlike” to you in the past? as in being there for you when you needed them. if thyer dependable, theyre worth a second chance. if you didnt hardly bat an eye to your distress calls, i can garuntee your worth more than that. everyone is.

amandaahoch's avatar

if they didnt hardly* sorry

Mtl_zack's avatar

@peedub: we got into a fight at a party and i just ignored them and turned the other way whenever i saw them. its been kinda hard, because i pass by the spot where they hang out everyday. also, we have mutual friends, and i havent been able to talk to them because i didnt want to even be near those guys. now they think im avoiding them too, when im only trying to avoid those jerks.

@ amandaahoch: no. they have never shown any compassion towards me at any time. they never backed me up or fought on my side. actually, they usually took the side of the person against me.

babygalll's avatar

If you want to remain friends with them it wouldn’t hurt to hear them out and tell them that the way they treat you has to stop. If you don’t then talk to them and let them know how you feel. Tell them if that is the way they are going to treat you then I don’t consider you my friends. Either way you have to have some kind of closure if you do not want to stay friends with them. It good to forget and forgive, but if they continue doing that to you then move on. They aren’t “true” friends.

peedub's avatar

It is my experience, however, that people like that don’t change. It sounds like someone who tries to elevate their status by demeaning a so-called friend, and that’s something really bad.
Hmm, could that fact that you have new friends at least partially explain their sudden urge to make amends? I think most probably. Is this person a ‘social-climber’ type?

bulbatron9's avatar

You don’t need those Losers! You’ve got us at fluther!

Mtl_zack's avatar

well its actually a group of people. one of them (the ring leader of it all) is really fat . i mean ginormous, but he could still beat anyone up. my family said that hes just compensating for that. some of the others were new in high school and got absorbed into the gang, while some were already his friends. and monkey-see, monkey-doo.

peedub's avatar

Create a new group if you haven’t already.

hairypalm's avatar

I agree with bulba. I find my self turning my freinds away when they want to hang out because of fluther…...( I think I might have a problem) just get revenge, get them all drunk and prank them with the ol’ condom shape trick. Then make flyers and post them all downtown and at bus stops.

amandaahoch's avatar

then your need to ditch them. not because they just didnt take your side but because theyre not acting like friends towards you. a true friend will tell you when you wrong, but will also be there to help with the aftermath. your friend dont do that with you? you deserve better.

peedub's avatar

@hairchuk- And your arduous workout sessions

babygalll's avatar

How old are you and your friends?

Mtl_zack's avatar

@babygalll: 18. we’ve been friends since like 14, 15 or 16

bulbatron9's avatar

It sounds like a wolf-pack to me, with Fatty believing he is the Alpha, and the others are his underlings. He has dubbed you the Omega, and since you’re gone someone else will have to assume that position. Soon, they will leave, like you! Eventually, Fatty will be without a pack. My father always told me that if I end up with as many True Friends as I have fingers on one hand, then I would be lucky! If there are some of the group that respect and understand you, then don’t cut them off, but at this stage in your life so-called friends will come and go. True friends will always be there! I wish you the best with this situation, and don’t let it get you down! Learn from it, and it will make you a stronger person!

hairypalm's avatar

I call you middle finger right hand.!

bulbatron9's avatar

You can always just get hairypalm to call up Chuck Norris, and have him kick Fatty’s @$$!

TheHaight's avatar

and your in highschool!? Trust me, once you graduate you will figure out who your real friends are and who you choose to keep in touch with. I think we’ve all been on your predicament before, and its all up to you. Simple; try being friends again or don’t.

TheHaight's avatar

ahhah bulbatron, I just think you like saying the word fatty

bulbatron9's avatar

@TheHaight I’d like to smoke one, but I’ve gotta stay clean!

Mtl_zack's avatar

@thehaight: i already graduated. i live in quebec and the education system is screwed up here. we have 2 years of CEGEP, or pre-college. more to the point, ive already graduated, and now i have more opportunities to meet new people since this school is bigger.

peedub's avatar

So many, I hope you know this. You have the whole world, fuck tweedledumb.

TheHaight's avatar

ohhh, I see. Then blow those fattys and make some new amigos!!!

hairypalm's avatar

Chuck Norris is on his way, he is riding a bear and is looking for fatty.

babygalll's avatar

The majority of people don’t really stay friends with high school people. You make your true friends after you graduate high school and well into your adult years.

LunaFemme's avatar

Respect yourself first & the rest follows. This has been a hard lesson for me to learn.

Also, I would posit that there is a middle ground solution to the problem. You can be “friendly” & forgive without allowing them or giving them the power to hurt you
that way again. Nothing says it has to be all or nothing in relationships.

scamp's avatar

You could try talking to them to see what they have to say for themselves, and let them know you won’t tolerate them doing the things they did to you in the past. Then instead of hanging out with them, you can at least be on speaking terms, but keep them at arm’s length. That way you won’t have to avoid your mutual friends. Here’s something else to think about. My Mom taught me to keep my friends close, but my enemies closer. That school of thought has served me well over the years.

Zen_Again's avatar

@Mtl_zack It’s been a little over two years since it happened – how did it end? Are you all friends again?

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