Social Question

chelle21689's avatar

Is snooping on a significant other ever okay?

Asked by chelle21689 (7900points) January 21st, 2011

There’s that argument “If they’ve got nothing to hide then why not show?” and also “If you trust me then why would you have to look?”

I know from personal experience when my bf gave me his passwords to everything it slowly became a habit of regularly checking up. Whether it was harmless or not, it’d even create arguments or a constant wonder. I think of it as eavesdropping where you get PART of the story but you think you’ve got the whole story.

I’ve also heard of being open with your accounts…and then the significant other turns everything into SOMETHING whether small or not.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

20 Answers

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

The only time I snooped on my hubby was when I seriously thought something hinky was going on, like an affair. Things seemed pretty suspicious, so I checked a few things out. It turns out he really was sneaking around- to surprise me with a neat present. I felt bad for snooping and I haven’t done it since.

deni's avatar

Eh. I know my boyfriends password to everything but I never go out of my way to login to his accounts and see whats going on….if his email is open on my computer I might look for literally a split second but I learned right away there isn’t much goin on I don’t know about, so why bother looking for something that isn’t there.

Summum's avatar

I learned a long time ago that is too hard to live that kind of life. Always wondering and not really trusting. I have found if your SO wants to sneak around or do something against your relationship then they will and nothing you do can change that. So in the best interest of life, love and trust always trust your SO unless they give you a reason not to. You can’t change the result anyway only your self control.

963chris's avatar

I usually only get involved with peeps i trust so it hasnt been an issue. I have no interest in snooping (nor really the time) + if they do then they’re probably outta there faster than a bat outta hell cause I’d kick ‘em to the curb like a bad habit.

Raevarin's avatar

I have access to my Wife’s accounts as she does to mine but I don’t go out of my way to dig through her stuff, I trust her enough that she is not doing anything crazy. If I log onto the computer and she has stuff up anything that interests me (such as art of trolling etc etc) I will use her profile to browse those sites. As for her emails, and stuff like that I leave alone. What she does on mine I can’t say cause frankly I don’t mind if she digs through my stuff I don’t hide anythign form her unless I am going to surprise her but I don’t use traceable means to do so lol.

Seelix's avatar

Anything that you can label with the term “snooping” is an invasion of privacy. Think about how you would feel if you were the snoopee rather than the snooper.

ZEPHYRA's avatar


Seaofclouds's avatar

My husband and I have access to each others accounts, but only look if there is a specific reason to look (such as one of us asking the other two or if we are expecting a particular email and we want see if it’s came yet or not). Other than that, we don’t look and we don’t look. I use to snoop (past relationships) and it always lead to more trouble than it was worth. I’d see emails from exes from before we were together or twist things to fit my distrust and it would cause fights. That was back when I had a hard time trusting men because of past experiences. I’m happy that I’m not at that point anymore.

chelle21689's avatar

I’ve snooped through my sister’s things A LOT when I was younger, haha! Found some things I didn’t want to know about. My brother does the same to me if he has the chance and found something he didn’t wanna know about me either sexually, lol it scarred him. He still hasn’t learned….

My bf still sometimes tries to give me access to his things but I decline because it drives me crazy with temptation to always look at his things. I can’t help it so I just take away the “key”

chelle21689's avatar

@seaclouds…same with me. I mean there’s no proof that says “Hi I’m cheating!” but you know how I am lol so my imagination would run wild. I use to check things for him all the time but I can’t anymore.

flutherother's avatar

I don’t like it when people snoop on me and so I don’t snoop on others.

janbb's avatar

We have separate computers and separate online lives. When we want to share things, we do but we don’t snoop.

963chris's avatar

Complete transparency is overrated & can suck out all the mystery of the other person.

Blackberry's avatar

Sometimes we feel the urge, but I refrain because I value my freedom and despise clingy partners.

963chris's avatar

Or psychotic partners!

ninjacolin's avatar

I would think not.. but I guess it’s completely okay if your SO turns out to be a serious threat to your life and snooping saves you.

dee1313's avatar

My conscience says its wrong. Logically, why bother? Trust is so important in a relationship, snooping just hurts both sides.

I’m married to @Raevarin, and I’m with him. If we were going to hide something from each other, we’re both smart enough not to get caught. Snooping is a waste of time.

CBrennan15's avatar

In my experience, you’re better off just not knowing. When you get curious and start looking at e-mails, texts, phone calls, it usually ends up being you don’t want to see. Which, I guess would make sense as to why you would want to look in the first place, but sometimes ignorance is bliss to be honest.

klutzaroo's avatar

I snooped in my last relationship and it ended my relationship. Not because I was snooping, but because he lied. There has to be a pretty deep mistrust to begin with if you’re going to snoop and if its well founded, you’re better off out of the relationship where you’re being lied to than continuing to hang around when some pretty fundamental things are untrue. In this case, I found out in a lawyer’s office that some things were omitted and then eventually figured out how to get to the truth that I wasn’t being told. Sometimes its the only way to find out the truth and its worth ending the relationship over. Not only did I find out that he was even stupider than I gave him credit for, but I found out that he thought that he could communicate with his ex while we were dating without telling me or it being a problem. As well as some other stuff. And that the legal crap that he was dealing with that I was willing to chalk up to his ex being nuts wasn’t entirely her.

chelle21689's avatar

It’s been a long time since I posted this question. I have a new boyfriend now and I don’t feel the need to snoop on him. I guess I couldn’t admit it before, but I didn’t trust my last boyfriend because of all the rumors and questionable things he has done. Til this day I don’t know if he ever cheated but he still denies it. My bf now doesn’t do anything to make me worry at all or question. So you guys are right, it’s all about trust. I would not want my bf to go through my things because of all the personal stuff I’ve talked about with my friends and sisters. He is the sensitive type like me that would take small things into a bigger issue. It wouldn’t be that much of a big deal with my ex because he didn’t care to look through my stuff lol.

Answer this question




to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther