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Supacase's avatar

Do you think my house is part of my problem?

Asked by Supacase (14563points) January 25th, 2011

I am really not happy in my house. I don’t like the layout or the location or the property or the feeling the house gives me. I don’t know how to explain this feeling other than to say it is something along the lines of unease and waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Since moving here, I have been a complete disaster of a housekeeper and stay-at-home mom and wife. Laundry does not get done, there is clutter everywhere, I have been cooking much less even though I used to love cooking and trying out new recipes. I have never been super tidy, but this is a new low for me and it is hard on my marriage and my self-esteem/depression.

Do you think my feelings about the house could be contributing to the issue? I am not trying to blame the house – that would be ridiculous. I know I should be able to push through and get things done anyway, but I just can’t seem to do it. All I have thought about for the last 2½ years is the day we’ll be able to get the hell out of here. I knew I hated it the second I walked in the house for the inspection.

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24 Answers

silky1's avatar

It’s depression. It happens to the best of us. You need to discuss the matter with your husband or someone who you trust and ask their opinion. If your surroundings are making you unhappy then you need a change of some kind and soon.

janbb's avatar

An unfriendly or negative living environment can certainly have an impact on your happiness and productivity. I would get out as soon as you can. In the meantime, is there anything – painting, artwork, etc – that you can use to improve the house?

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

We’ll have to move you to the mansion.

Supacase's avatar

I am seeing a therapist and am on medication for depression. I have decorated a few rooms and I do enjoy them more.

The tiny house we had before this made me happier – not that this one is huge. I wish we had never left. We moved to get our daughter into a much better school system, but prices in this area are much higher.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Is the house light and airy? A dark house really bothers me. Or is it some other issues that are troubling you?

Supacase's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe No, it isn’t. It is a ranch style house from the 70s and I hate that the rooms are so blocked in. I need an airier feeling and much more light. Surrounding trees keep most natural light out. The kitchen is brighter, but not a particularly comfortable place to hang out.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

If it isn’t a comfortable place to hang it’s not going to be a positive influence, plus being a stay at home mom is tough too. I go stir crazy without stimulating human contact. Why do you think I hangout here so much?

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Also, go check meta. Congrats.

WasCy's avatar

I don’t necessarily think it’s “depression”, although it may be, or that may be part of it.

The clue to me was that you didn’t like the house when you first went to inspect it… and yet you bought it and moved in anyway. I can certainly understand moving to a different school system for the sake of your daughter, but it seems that you’ve moved to a place you may have trouble affording, and on top of that you’ve now got a house (and in a location) that you otherwise don’t prefer.

Is there a way that you can modify your surroundings, then? Cut down some trees to get more light in the yard and in the house, or modify the floor plan, or both?

I also hated my house when I first bought it (all I could afford after a separation in which I gave up and signed over to her a paid-for house), but I’ve added Solotube skylights in my kitchen (that was the dark room in my house) and it has made a world of difference.

Seelix's avatar

I definitely think the fact that you don’t like your house is part of the problem. I once lived in a tiny, crappy little apartment that I hated (I had to move out of the previous one quickly because of issues with my super not paying water bills, etc.) and I was a terrible housekeeper there. I didn’t like the place, so I didn’t care whether it was clean. Things got better once I moved.

You’ve got to be happy with your surroundings, otherwise it’s tough to be happy in your surroundings.

marinelife's avatar

My husband and I had a house that we lived in for several years. When we put it on the market and moved, we both heaved a huge sigh of relief. We were so glad to be moving away from that house,

It was just a feeling of negativity that we both had about the house. It was like a pall lifted. I think you should trust those feelings and move as soon as possible.

Also, before moving into your next house see how you feel in the space.

RocketGuy's avatar

Bad Feng Shui:

If you can’t afford to move, you can decorate it in a way that will lift your spirits. In fact, if you don’t believe in Feng Shui, you will still feel better if you decorate it in a way that will lift your spirits.

Blueroses's avatar

Your house sounds so like one we lived in when I was a teen. I swear that place was full of oppressive, simmering evil. We learned that every family ever living there had broken up – and it didn’t surprise us at all.
Mom painted the borders and overlapping the ceiling with a bright, sunny yellow which did give the illusion of more light in the kitchen. We were all much happier when we moved before the curse destroyed us.

RocketGuy's avatar

When I was looking for my first home, my realtor took me to a condo that gave me the creeps. I dreamt of death for the next 2 nights. I asked the property manager if anybody died there. His response: “Who told you?!!” Apparently, the parents had violent tendencies, and the son accidentally shot himself with the dad’s gun. No Sale! In fact the previous buyers backed out during the escrow period.

Cruiser's avatar

Clutter is a spirit breaker for sure. Do you have lots of stuff that you could purge and get rid of?? Enlist a friend or family member to come over on the weekend and roll up your sleeves and get rid of the junk. I bet you will feel a lot better if you do.

Aster's avatar

She reminds me somewhat of how I feel, too. We moved out of a very big house in the middle of nowhere with a fully finished walk-out basement to a smaller house with neighbors all around.
I had 2 filing cabinets there; one here. Lots and lots of bookcases there; none here. Huge kitchen with cathedral ceiling there, small kitchen here. Big, raised deck way up in the air there; small patio here.
I love the floorplan but I’ve not enjoyed living in this house. I know for sure it isn’t just the house, though. wish I hadn’t read the question.

JLeslie's avatar

I have my house for sale, because for the first time in my life I find this house, the floor plan, very frustrating.

My guess it is more than just your house, but not liking your environment every day can weigh heavily on a person.

What you describe sounds like you might be depressed. And, it is also the symptoms of hypothyroidism. Oh, and also can be from SAD if you live in a place that is very cold and/or overcast this time of year.

Judi's avatar

It may or may not be the cause, but moving COULD help. Some times drastic change shocks me out of a depression.

JLeslie's avatar

I agree with @Judi. A big change can be like starting a new chapter in life.

Also, one other thing I thought of was to hire a professional organizer. It can be magical. When I feel my house out of control, I prefer to spend my money on that, than on someone to clean my house. I would rather scrub a toilet than put the piles of papers on my desk away. Having someone there to help me do it, and have some vision on how to organize things differently really helps me.

wundayatta's avatar

I take it your husband found the house? Does he feel the same about it as you do,now?

If you have depression, then the depression could cause your dislike of the house. On the other hand, your dislike of the house could lead to the depression.

But if you treat the depression better, it should help. Do you work? Do you get out during the day or are you trapped all day long in this place? If you don’t get out, then find a regular way to get out. Also make sure you get exercise. Get outside and get exercise and sunlight. I also like @WasCy‘s idea about lighting and @janbb‘s idea about remodeling. Knock out a few walls. That should make you feel better. Put in some skylights. Build an addition with a room that is just yours.

Either that, or tell your husband that you have to move. For real, this house could drive you to do horrible things if you are depressed enough. This is important. Discuss it with him if you haven’t already. If you have, what is he saying about it?

choreplay's avatar

Won’t solve things but boost your mind clarity by taking a good amount of B vitamins. B12 and B6 both have a lot of potential to help someone rise above feeling overwhelmed. Question; did you guys move from a different part of the country? The South, including the Carolina’s can feel like a foreign country to someone say from the northeast. No jab at either region, it’s just that the cultures are that different. Add the house on top of that and ouch, life can feel hard.

YARNLADY's avatar

Hire a housekeeper, discuss this in full with your therapist, don’t hold back.

augustlan's avatar

Whether or not it’s the whole problem, it definitely isn’t helping. While working on the depression is of the utmost importance, changing things in the house could be very helpful. Sit down and really think about what you hate most about the house, and what you could do to change just that one thing. Even a little thing like a fresh coat of white paint can lift your spirits. Once that one is taken care of, tackle the next trouble spot. Make sure you’re getting plenty of light, too. If you can’t get outside, turn on every freaking light in the house if you have to.

Pandora's avatar

I felt that way about my finished basement, until I decide to give it a face lift. First thing I did was buy some daylight LED light which helped to make the room look less lifeless. Then I painted the walls from a dull beige color to a beautiful and bright aqua color. I chose semi gloss because it reflects light better. Then I re-arranged the entertainment center and chair and my exercise equipment and bought a new computer desk. The basement is large so I use part of the end for storage and put my exercise equipment behind some Japanese folding screen doors.

We just finally got around to doing it over New Years weekend, and I am madly in love with a room that I hated for 3 years. I actually spent hours there last night and the night before. Before, I would go work out there for 45 minutes and come out feeling more depressed than before I went down. It looked cluttered and so dull. It has two small windows that only get the afternoon sun for maybe an hour or two. Now it looks bright and cheery and I don’t feel sluggish when I’m there for long. It’s even great for guest now.

When we first moving in here, I loved the bones of the house and the floors and how clean it was but I hated the kitchen. It was the first thing I tackled. I made it bright and lively, by getting new counter tops, and adding textile to the walls above the counters and painting the dull brown cabinets white and the eat in section blue.

Then for my dinning room and living room I chose a warm yellow. We had our bedroom and stairwell and hall painted the aqua color. My bathroom is white and blue. I did this all withing a three year span but we kept putting off the basement. Now, I feel happy in every room I walk into.

If you already have great colors, it could be the poor lighting in your home. Open your blinds or invest in great lighting. Do get the LED Daylight lighting I suggested. It takes away all the yellowish undertones that regular bulbs have. Bright white is not the same. It has to say DAYLIGHT. BTW, it is also way brighter for your outdoor lights. If your porch light seems dim, try the 75 daylight bulb. It shines further and the led uses less wattage than a regular bulb and doesn’t get hot. It’s a little pricey but its worth it not having to worry about wasting so much power and being able to feel like you aren’t stuck in a dull yellow world.

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