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lovespurple's avatar

What is the hardest/are the hardest parts of being a man?

Asked by lovespurple (279points) January 26th, 2011

There was a question earlier on this for women, so now I’m just curious what men are all about.

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16 Answers

J0E's avatar

Paying for dinner on a date.

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wundayatta's avatar

There are hard things all over the place, and I’m not sure how many of them are specific to men, only. There is one that I am thinking about now. When a woman has a problem, it is hard to learn to listen to her cry vent about it instead of trying to fix it. It is so hard to see a woman crying. It’s almost impossible to take. Gotta make things better. Just gotta!

Perhaps most men have a hard time knowing what it means to be a man. Some think you have to be macho and always take control. Some think it means being a bread winner. Some think it means being quiet and strong. Some think it means never showing your true feelings. Some think it means being sensitive to others.

There are so many images of what it means to be a man, that it can drive men crazy trying to figure it out. Often times they think they have to be someone they aren’t. That drives a lot of men to drink.

Another thing that drives men to drink is handling intimacy. It is very hard to open up when you are trained never to show your feelings. It is dangerous to open up, because that means you are showing your weaknesses, and the man code says we should never let anyone know what our weaknesses are because they will surely take advantage of them.

There are a lot of difficulties that men have—perhaps more often than women do. But we deal with it. Because that’s what men do.

crazyivan's avatar

Having testicles…

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

Having to pay for dates and dinners.
Being head of the family and making sure everything is being well balanced.
Smelling good?
Having intercourse and making sure the girl doesn’t become preggers.

choreplay's avatar

For some additional answers check out this question.

In being a man there is a dualality that is very disconcerting. I love and adore my wife and would not trade her for anyone. But, I still notice, flirt with and even desire other women. I have remainded honorable to my vows and always will, but the lust that’s almost a beckoning insanity bothers me. It’s the mystery of why Sandra Bullocks husband did what he did. What is the saying: Women need one man to meet all their needs while men need all women to meet there one need.

A second thing: I have enjoyed Fluther as I have received advice from other men like I never have before. We are isolated and can not genuinely connect outside of a context like this.

El_Cadejo's avatar

I dont know really. I dont conform to a lot of social standards so it throws a lot of things out the window for me. Like who whole need to be the strong one and not show emotion. Fuck that lol.

Im really sitting here trying to think about what is harder about my life because I am a man instead of a woman and I cant think of much. All I can really think is being a white male I get kinda of slighted in ways. There is no white man history month, thatd be horribly racist and sexist. There is not special treatment or sympathy if your a man that one could receive as a woman. But all things considered its really not that big of a deal at the end of the day.

I think im really having a hard time with thinking about this because I also have a hard time conforming to the idea of gender rolls. Something thats trivial that always kinda annoyed me is catchin flak for ordering “girly” drinks. Like ohhh wait I forgot just because Im a man im not allowed to like fruit flavored stuff, yes, please, instead give me the disgusting straight alcoholic drink on the rocks. Gotta put that hair on my chest and whatnot – _ -

incendiary_dan's avatar

The heightened ridicule one gets when doing any little thing perceived as contrary to gender normative behavior. Seriously, I got made fun of once for carrying pepper spray, because it’s a “girly weapon”. It’s bullshit.

El_Cadejo's avatar

also not that im one for going to clubs and what not but where the fuck is guys night out shit. I’d like free admission once and a while but no, cause I have a dick that will never happen :(

everephebe's avatar

@incendiary_dan should have sprayed him in the eyes and said, “Who’s girly now bitch!”

blueiiznh's avatar

A man carries cash.
A man looks out for those around him — woman, friend, stranger.
A man can cook eggs.
A man can always find something good to watch on television.
A man makes things — a rock wall, a table, the tuition money. Or he rebuilds — engines, watches, fortunes. He passes along expertise, one man to the next. Know-how survives him. This is immortality.
A man can speak to dogs.
A man fantasizes that kung fu lives deep inside him somewhere.
A man knows how to sneak a look at cleavage and doesn’t care if he gets busted once in a while.
A man is good at his job. Not his work, not his avocation, not his hobby. Not his career. His job. It doesn’t matter what his job is, because if a man doesn’t like his job, he gets a new one.
A man can look you up and down and figure some things out. Before you say a word, he makes you. From your suitcase, from your watch, from your posture.
A man infers.
A man owns up. That’s why Mark McGwire is not a man. A man grasps his mistakes. He lays claim to who he is, and what he was, whether he likes them or not.
Some mistakes, though, he lets pass if no one notices. Like dropping the steak in the dirt. A man doesn’t point out that he did the dishes.
A man looks out for children.
A man knows how to bust balls.
A man has had liquor enough in his life that he can order a drink without sounding breathless, clueless, or obtuse. When he doesn’t want to think, he orders bourbon or something on tap.
Never the sauvignon blanc.
A man welcomes the coming of age. It frees him. It allows him to assume the upper hand and teaches him when to step aside.
Maybe he never has, and maybe he never will, but a man figures he can knock someone, somewhere, on his ass.
He does not rely on rationalizations or explanations. He doesn’t winnow, winnow, winnow until truths can be humbly categorized, or intellectualized, until behavior can be written off with an explanation. He doesn’t see himself lost in some great maw of humanity, some grand sweep. That’s the liberal thread; it’s why men won’t line up as liberals.
A man gets the door. Without thinking.
He stops traffic when he must.
A man resists formulations, questions belief, embraces ambiguity without making a fetish out of it. A man revisits his beliefs. Continually. That’s why men won’t forever line up with conservatives, either.
A man knows his tools and how to use them — just the ones he needs. Knows which saw is for what, how to find the stud, when to use galvanized nails.
A man knows how to lose an afternoon. Drinking, playing Grand Theft Auto, driving aimlessly, shooting pool.
He knows how to lose a month, also.
A man listens, and that’s how he argues. He crafts opinions. He can pound the table, take the floor. It’s not that he must. It’s that he can.
A man is comfortable being alone.
Or he stands watch. He interrupts trouble. This is the state policeman. This is the poet. Men, both of them.
Style — a man has that. No matter how eccentric that style is, it is uncontrived. It’s a set of rules.
He understands the basic mechanics of the planet. Or he can close one eye, look up at the sun, and tell you what time of day it is. Or where north is. He can tell you where you might find something to eat or where the fish run. He understands electricity or the internal-combustion engine, the mechanics of flight or how to figure a pitcher’s ERA.
A man does not know everything. He doesn’t try. He likes what other men know. He knows he can conquer things he does not know.
A man can tell you he was wrong. That he did wrong. That he planned to. He can tell you when he is lost. He can apologize, even if sometimes it’s just to put an end to the bickering.
A man does not wither at the thought of dancing.
A man watches. Sometimes he goes and sits at an auction knowing he won’t spend a dime, witnessing the temptation and the maneuvering of others. Sometimes he stands on the street corner watching stuff. This is not about quietude so much as collection. It is not about meditation so much as considering. A man refracts his vision and gains acuity. This serves him in every way. No one taught him this — to be quiet, to cipher, to watch. In this way, in these moments, the man is like a zoo animal: both captive and free. You cannot take your eyes off a man when he is like that. You shouldn’t. The hell if you know what he is thinking, who he is, or what he will do next.
A man loves the human body, the revelation of nakedness. He loves the sight of the pale breast, the physics of the human skeleton, the alternating current of the flesh. He is thrilled by the snatch, by the wrist, the sight of a bare shoulder. He likes the crease of a bent knee. When his woman bends to pick up her underwear, he feels that thrum that only a man can feel.
~esquire mag april 2009

El_Cadejo's avatar

I really wouldnt say many of them are “man” traits but rather just traits of a good person regardless of gender.

LuckyGuy's avatar

One man in six will have to learn about his prostate. Don’t get me started!

mattbrowne's avatar

Old-fashioned employers view of men who think that their career might not be the most important thing in life all the time. And that time with their kids can be very important too.

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