Social Question

Joker94's avatar

Should I just nut up and ask her out already?

Asked by Joker94 (8180points) January 30th, 2011

One of my good friends and I have been talking quite a bit more, and we have been seeing eachother outside of school a lot more (and intend to keep doing so). I’m only 16, so it’s not a really serious thing, but I really care about her on a different level than most of my friends. I feel like she might to, because she generally comes to me to tell me about her problems. I’ve been contemplating asking her out on a date for a while now, but I think I’ve been too scared to actually to do it. Another thing that complicates it is that she recently broke up with her long-time boyfriend, and I don’t even know if she’d be interested in going out again so soon. Well, what do you think? Should I just nut up and ask her out?

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26 Answers

Seelix's avatar

I’d give it a little time if I were you, just because she just ended a relationship. Give it a couple of weeks and then just spill the beans.

josie's avatar

Why wait? If the time is right, you should go for it. The time is right. Carpe Diem.
Never be timid when it comes to a woman who touches your soul. There is too much to be gained by asking, and too much to lose by hesitating. Anyway, what is the absolute worst that can happen? She says no? So what? You will still be here tomorrow. Get on it!

lemming's avatar

I say do it too.

marinelife's avatar

I think that you should ask her out. Also, you want to do it before she gets involved with someone else.

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

I would ask her….but you might want to do it gently…as she just finished with someone:

Joker94: Hey, Lily, would you like to go out to a movie with me…? The new film with Mark Wahlberg is supposed to be good. I could pick you up and maybe we could get a bite to eat afterwards.

Lily: Sounds great.

You can always try to hold her hand or put your arm around the back of the seat at the movies….she might let you know how she feels that way. If that doesn’t work, then over dinner….just tell her:

“Lily, we’ve been good friends for awhile now. And I really have come to care for you as a friend. I’ve enjoyed being there for you. But now that you aren’t dating Flooper anymore, I realized that I care for you more than a friend. I just wanted to know how you felt about me. I really like you more than a friend. Do you feel the same way?”

Either way, at some point in the evening…tell her. Life is too short and if she says, “No, I just want us to be friends….” then it’s okay. Continue the friendship and find someone else.

tedibear's avatar

I’m with everyone else – ask her out! But, you need to come back and tell us how it went. Pleeeeeeeeeease!

Cruiser's avatar

Ask her out! Nut up!!

bkcunningham's avatar

Ask her out! Valentine’s Day is fast approaching. Isn’t there a dance or something going on you could ask her to go to with you?

Mikewlf337's avatar

Ask her out! Dont do what I did and wait. Just be careful because she has recently got out of a relationship.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I think it would be nice to ask her out for Valentine’s day.:)

Joker94's avatar

@bkcunningham There isn’t a dance, but I’m starting to think you guys are right about this Valentine’s Day thing!

blueiiznh's avatar

who says it has to be a “date”. Too much pressure put on that word anyway.
You enjoy each others company. That being said, you can plan on doing things together. Enjoy each other on the level you are and enjoy the ride. If it is mutual and you each feel the same, it will happen. If she has similar feelings, she will naturally want this as well.
Don’t worry about the date pressure thing.
Enjoy and spend time together. Be yourself. Make plans with her.
If she has no valentine plans, make some plans.
No pressure is good.

Jeremycw1's avatar

Read the signs…. does she ever mention her ex? Does she flirt with you? If you two are spending a lot of time together… you might as well be dating. Go for it!

Joker94's avatar

@Jeremycw1 She does mention her ex, but we flirt a pretty good amount. Me and some of my friends were talking yesterday, and one mentioned that when me and here were together the night before, all we did was flirt lol

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

Valentine’s Day….! I forgot about that! :) As someone said, though, the way things always accelerate in high school….you should ask her out before that.

Just keep it light….when you ask her to go out with you…keep it light…ask her like you would ask one of your guy friends (see what I wrote in my previous response) go somewhere with you. She is after all, your friend first (which I think is really cool!). I agree with @blueiiznh…no big drama.

I had a lot of male platonic friends in high school. And did I have a crush on some of them? Yes. But I never said anything…I could tell that they did not feel the same way about me. So, I dated other people….but I kept these friendships all through school anyway. They were great friendships.

“Light” things to do:

—-Take a walk
—-Do homework together (can you help her with something, or can she help you?)
—-Take her to help you pick something out for your grandmother, aunt, mom, sister (if they are having a birthday soon)
—-Invite her to your house for dinner with your family (I used to do this in high school with my guy pals) only do this if your parents are “cool” and your brother/sister won’t embarrass you…and if it’s just a casual dinner…once again, no drama.

What I liked with my “guy pals” was when they would just call me and say, “Hey, I need to go to (blah-blah) to run an errand want to go with me?” And we would go run the errand and then end up driving around and just chatting or stopping at a park to just talk

When I was in high school, there was this guy that I really liked. But he liked another girl. He was obsessed with her. But every night, he would call me at 10:30 and we would watch the late show…he was on his phone and I was on mine and we would watch the show and talk about “that girl” and my life and other things. We were really close.Honestly, despite the fact that we never got together, he was a wonderful friend and the love I felt for him (crushy-love) never felt as if it was “less than” boy-girl love. I knew he loved me in his own way.

Later on as an adult, the same thing happened, many years later. I met this man who ticked all the boxes, but he was coming out of a painful relationship and really didn’t want anything but friendship. He came straight out and told me not to fall in love with him. The problem? I already was. But I backed up a bit and we still spent a lot of time together. He made me so happy. His friendship was so special that the love we had ended up feeling so much better than almost any love-love relationship in my life. That sort of love (to be honest) is so unconditional. It really rocks. So, don’t ever discount what you have right now…because if she is talking to you from her heart…she must really, really care for you. You are really fortunate to have this sort of friendship in your life.

Okay…so if you need ideas for Valentine prezzies…..let me know. :)

And above all, please…keep us posted.

(Okay! Just read your posting as I was writing this…she flirts with you??? That’s great! At least, there is a glimmer of some mutual admiration, Joker!) Woo——hoo!! :)

Joker94's avatar

@DarlingRhadamanthus Thanks for the great advice :) She’s really become a close personal friend, and we always seem to have fun with eachother when we do get the chance to hang out. And I think you’re right about there being a glimmer of mutual admiration, and I hope it’s not just me being delusional, but she and I do flirt a bit.
No matter what, I will make sure to keep all of you guys posted! Thank you for all the great answers!

Joker94's avatar

Just keeping you guys posted, but we’re gonna try to hang next weekend! Fingers crossed!

marinelife's avatar

Congratulations! Is it an actual date? Let us know how it goes.

Joker94's avatar

Scrap that. It’s unlikely that it’s happening. She talked to a friend of mine, and asked if I liked her. He told her the truth, and she only likes me as a friend. I wasn’t planning on telling her I liked her until a while later, just to give her space now that she’s single again. But us getting together like that seems highly unlikely now. sigh

marinelife's avatar

@Joker94 I’m sorry. But at least now you know.

blueiiznh's avatar

Loose lips sinks ship.
Sorry my friend. Sometimes too much information does not allow things to flourish as it could have.

Joker94's avatar

Eh, these things happen. We’re still good friends, and I’m grateful for that.

tedibear's avatar

@Joker94 – Excellent attitude. On to the next!

Joker94's avatar

Gotta get back on that horse and ride, @tedibear!

Mikewlf337's avatar

@Joker94 Sorry man but that is how it goes sometimes. You’re right you gotta get on that horse and ride and find another. There are multiple girls who are “The One”. Who knows maybe in the future she will be the one. She just isn’t right now. Life is wierd like that. Good luck man.:)

Joker94's avatar

Thanks a ton, man :] Thank all of you guys, too!

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