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ucme's avatar

What shall we do with the drunken sailor?

Asked by ucme (46546points) February 3rd, 2011

Answers on a postcard if you please, or here if you prefer that method. Basically, however the hell you see fit to answer is good enough for me. Just as long as it makes some kind of sense eh?

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22 Answers

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Draw on him with a Sharpie! ;)

lillycoyote's avatar

Tie him to the bow, whatever it takes to make sure that if throws over the side of the boat and not on the deck or anywhere else, don’t even let him use the head, because he might miss it in a rough sea. And while he’s drunk, helpless and tied up, see who can make three point shots into his mouth with cheese doodles.

ucme's avatar

@lucillelucillelucille I’d write something like, Oi be a landlubber so oi am across his forehead. That’s right, he’s polish :¬)

Blackberry's avatar

Have sex with him? That’s what I always want to happen when I’m a drunk sailor.

iamthemob's avatar

@Blackberry – That’s very sexually open of you.

I’m getting ready with my bottle of Jack and single of “In the Navy.” ;-)

Jeruba's avatar

Depends. Is it ear-lye in the morning?

ucme's avatar

@Jeruba Oh absolutely it is! Hoo-ray & up she rises….... & so on & so forth :¬)

wilma's avatar

My advice, don’t let him get in the shower.
I have been drunk while sailing. I had to hang on to the the ceiling of the shower.
Then I couldn’t figure out what was up and what was down. It was so confusing.

seazen's avatar

Why Shave his balls with a rusty razor, of course.

Ear – ly in the mornin’.

SuperMouse's avatar

Take him home to Brandy.

Blackberry's avatar

@iamthemob Oh great, another gay sailor joke on the way lol….

wilma's avatar

I’d do this drunken sailor…
did I type that out loud?

lillycoyote's avatar

@wilma No one mentioned that the drunken sailor in question was, might be, Johnny Depp, I mean Jack Sparrow. If that’s the case then that changes everything. And if that’s the case then what I shall do with the drunken sailor is nobody’s goddam business.

seazen's avatar

@wilma Yes you did. As usual. Enough fluthering while drinking. Get some sleep.

Jude's avatar

Introduce him to a butt pirate.

lillycoyote's avatar

@seazen Yes, @wilma did type that outloud, now would you mind leaving us alone? I am very interested in working out an arrangement with @wilma for a “time share” where we might share access and, I can only speak for myself, but butt out, butt pirate. And thanks, @Jude, thanks for that one.

ETpro's avatar

Put him in the scuppers with the hose pipe on him. Ear-lie in the morning.

lillycoyote's avatar

Nuke him. I am now no longer of the mind to even consider that anyone should be entitled to any mercy under any circumstances.

ETpro's avatar

@lillycoyote Sorry, no can do. Too drunk to enter the launch codes.

Besides, look at the great Sea Shanty he left us.

Jeruba's avatar

I recommend we put him in the bed with the captain’s daughter, ear-lye in the morning.

Weigh-heigh and up she rises. Who wants to be the captain’s daughter? Raise your hand.

lillycoyote's avatar

We can also, as the other sailors have suggested:

5. Beat him with a cat ‘til his back is bleedin’
6. Put him in the bilge and make him drink it
7. Truss him up with a runnin’ bowline.
8. Give ‘im a dose of salt and water.
9. Stick on ‘is back a mustard plaster.
10. Send him up the crow’s nest till he falls down,
11. Tie him to the taffrail when she’s yardarm under,
12. Soak ‘im in oil ‘til he sprouts a flipper.
13. Put him in the guard room ‘til he’s sober.

I still say nuke him and be done with it. I have no mercy tonight. Sorry.

ucme's avatar

A very satisfactory outcome to what was essentially a joke question. I’m pleased that was recognised in the answers given. I imagined it may have been roundly pilloried, a pleasant suprise that in fact it wasn’t. Good stuff, respect to those who recalled the song which was the intended purpose after all. Thanks :¬)

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