Social Question

nayeight's avatar

Should I bring it up or forget it ever happened?

Asked by nayeight (3347points) February 3rd, 2011

Recently, an old childhood friend that I haven’t spoken to since I moved away about 16 years ago found and messaged me on Facebook. I was best friends with her and her older sister when we were about 6–8 years old and living overseas in Japan (our fathers worked together for the military). Once I remembered who she was (I hadn’t thought about them in a long, long time) I immediately remembered what I’m guessing was some weird suppressed childhood memory of us making out when we were girls. I remember it started as a kissing game I would play with her older sister but then she got “jealous” and eventually I would make out with her too. I distinctly remember these make out sessions being rather long and very physical with some dry-humping involved. Now that I remember, it’s starting to creep me out a bit. Is it normal for 8 year old girls to make out with each other? This was my first kinda sorta sexual experience, why didn’t I remember it until now? More importantly, should I mention it to my friend to see if she remembers or just forget it ever happened? :/

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22 Answers

YARNLADY's avatar

Try to work it into the conversation without making it seem like a confrontation.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

Did the sisters initiate this “game?”

nayeight's avatar

I don’t remember. There are a lot of things I don’t remember from my childhood when I lived in Japan, partly because we moved back and forth twice so I went to different schools and was home schooled for awhile. All I remember is a couple afteroons I spent at their house playing. The older sister took the top bunk of their bunk bed and the younger sister had the bottom. I would switch back and forth between the two… :/

Do you really think I should bring it up? Nowim having second thoughts. What if she doesn’t remember? I will look crazy….

kevbo's avatar

Most likely she does remember, or will. I don’t think the behavior is all that unusual. Maybe somewhat advanced, but not unusual. Is it important to bring it up and what will that accomplish?

I have a similar story (from around that age) and remembrance but neither of us have felt compelled to discuss it. I thought about it but didn’t see much value in having that conversation.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

Well, I ask who initiated for a reason. If you can’t remember, you can’t remember. That’s okay. My story will still apply.
I had a somewhat similar experience as a child, where a sexual “game” was brought into our regular playtime. It would ultimately unfold into something more significant than what you’ve described, but time would show that the other girls were being molested.
So, perhaps I am hyper sensitive due to my own experience, but anytime a child is behaving in an exceptionally sexual nature, this question comes to mind. I don’t envision a 7 year old as having the capacity to imagine “making out” and humping another person. That is the kind of behaviour I might expect from a child getting closer to puberty. At 6 or 7 years old, most children are still kind of curiously poking at their genitals.. and maybe asking some questions. “Playing doctor” would be something that I would consider normal.. but actually engaging in sexual acts like dry humping and kissing, particularly with tongue (which is what I’m guessing is the definition of making out), seem highly charged.
I could be entirely off base, but I can’t help but worry that if you aren’t careful about how you approach the subject with your childhood friend, that you may be opening a very big can of worms for her. It may be completely unwarranted, but you seem to have the feeling that these were very sexual acts – and that doesn’t strike me as the most normal behaviour for children in that age range. Of course kids will always be curious, they will always explore and experiment – but situations like this one always cause me to raise an eyebrow.
Having said that, I’m curious to know what you hope to achieve by asking your friend if she remembers. Odds are that if she does remember, even if there is no deeper explanation, she will be just as embarrassed as you are. So taking into consideration my experience with this sort of thing, I’m not sure that I would even bother mentioning it. I’m not sure what the benefit would be, even if there is no particular reason for why it happened, beyond simple childhood curiosity.

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
Nullo's avatar

I’d leave it in the past.

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augustlan's avatar

I remember kissing/making out with a friend who was slightly older than me when I was around 7 years old. We were ‘practicing’ kissing for when we’d have boyfriends in the future. I wouldn’t bring it up at this late date.

misstrikcy's avatar

I did something similar with a friend when we were about the same age. Lots of us do it (apparently), it’s normal, but I think it’s always going to seem a bit ew! when you’ve grown up and are reflecting on it. I still cringe now when I remember my experience…
I am so pleased I haven’t seen her sinse we were 10.

I’d let it go… it’s the past. She might be totally mortified if you mention it.
I would be, but that’s just me.

Austinlad's avatar

I’m with @misstrikcy and others who say leave it in the past. I assure you It’s normal childhood behavior to experiment and nothing to feel uncomfortable about. If the subject comes up organically, so be it. Otherwise, let it go.

Seelix's avatar

I wouldn’t bother bringing it up. I had a friend when I was 8 or 9 with whom I’d play kissing games and the like.
I think it’s normal for kids to play games like this.

stardust's avatar

I think it’s one of those things that happens more often than we think. If it were me, I’d leave it.

Loried2008's avatar

I would not bring that up. Similar experience at the same age… I don’t wanna even think about it.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

If that happened to me I am sure I would bring it up.Almost immediately.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Well, first…if you want to reconnect with them, then do so and talk about this hazy memory at a later time when you’ve resumed the friendship. Be prepared for amnesia on her part regarding this subject. It is not unusual, this experience, many kids have sexual experiences that are hard to understand later on or even during. I am pretty sure there was a friend of mine when I was 5 or 6 that I used to touch and she’d touch me and we’d look at each other’s vaginas and anuses. I think we got “caught” ( I put that in quotes because I don’t think children should ever be shamed for these kinds of actions if there is not power play or huge age difference involved) once by her mother and after that she wasn’t allowed to be friends with me. She moved. Anyhow, if she’d FBed me now, which would never happen, this wouldn’t be the first thing I’d talk about.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I wouldn’t bring it up unless you believe you were molested. If you have the feeling it was more sexual experimentation then leave it at that. Most kids I knew between 6–10 tried kissing (french kissing too), humping, fondling, etc.

filmfann's avatar

I’m not sure I understand the question. You were dry humping when you were 8 years old? I am rather amazed by this. I wouldn’t have thought girls at that age would have that instinct.

augustlan's avatar

@filmfann Lots of us did.

filmfann's avatar

Has anyone seen my brain? Oh, there it is, in the gutter.

nayeight's avatar

Yeah, I’m not going to bring it up. It’s nice to know that this kind of behavior is normal for the most part. I still feel weird remembering it though…

Seelix's avatar

It is weird to remember, and I wonder what I was really thinking at the time. But I bet a good percentage of women did something similar as children. I’ve never talked about it with friends, because it’s a little embarrassing, but I’d bet that it’s more common than we realize.

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