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Lee_27's avatar

Is drunken mean talk generally how a person truly feels?

Asked by Lee_27 (348points) February 4th, 2011

Ok so say you have a fight with your husband/wife while they are drunk and you are sober and they say horribly mean things about you and act as if nothing happened the next day. Who here believes that drunken mean talk by a loved one is what they actually feel and who believes its not and why. And how as the sober one who remembers all of the bad things said do you move past and not have your feelings change for that person?

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20 Answers

Sunny2's avatar

The hurtful things are what the person means when he/she is drunk. Drinking can distort ones thinking both positively and negatively. Without being accusing, talk to him/her when he/she is sober and recount what was said. But wait until the hangover is done. Both of you may learn something.

TheDuce's avatar

When someone is drunk and blurts something out, what they say is what they feel at that particular moment. That doesn’t mean those are there true feelings.

For example, a man might say, “You’re self-centered and never think about anyone but yourself” simply because the woman was in the bathroom when he wanted to use it. That doesn’t mean the man truly believes the woman is self-centered, it’s just the conclusion he arrived at while drunk.

Heavy drinking simply inhibits people from thinking before they speak. I wouldn’t call drunk-talk honest, but rather simply impulsive.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I tend to think so.People do and say things when they are drunk that they don’t have the nerve to say when they are straight.

BarnacleBill's avatar

There are mean drunks and there are happy drunks. Mean drunks probably should not never have more than a drink or two unless they want to be in hot water the next day.

Everyone has things that they put up with in a relationship. And sometimes the barrier for holding things in check comes down when people drink. For example, if you were to choose to accept your husband’s apology, if you were a mean drunk yourself, you might resort to name calling if the fact that he said what he did is still in the back of your mind, and you’re still somewhat upset about it, even though you said you forgive him.

Probably the best way to think about mean stuff that’s said when someone is drunk is that it’s extreme language about something the person has held in check or has suppressed. The best thing to do is to work on communication with each other, so that things are addressed as they come up, and neither of you are thinking “I can’t say that.”

filmfann's avatar

Alcohol is not truth serum.
Often people, while drunk, just want to hurt someone, and say whatever comes in their mind to do so.
I pay no attention to people who have drank too much, and am rarely around anyone intoxicated anymore.

Mikewlf337's avatar

I remember some very hurtful things a woman said to me when she was drunk. I knew this woman since we were kids. I still hold it against her. You say shit to me like that. I will never let you forget it. You can’t talk to me like shit and then come to me like a friend the next day.

woodcutter's avatar

I think it does. They wouldn’t say it if they didn’t think or feel it first. Then add alcohol = instant asshole.

john65pennington's avatar

After arresting many, many drunks in my police career, i have heard ever word in the dictionary expelled from their drunken mouths. some say the same words, while either drunk or sober. one man was intoxicated and was cussing his wife out in their front yard. he was telling her exactly how he felt about their marriage and his lack of sex. the only difference in this situation is these are the same words he would tell her, when he was sober. i pitied his poor wife.

So, it actually goes 50–50, most of the time.

woodcutter's avatar

@Mikewlf337 I can sort of agree there. You can forgive usually pretty easy but I can’t forget. It’s only human nature to remember what negative things a person is capable of and be more ready for it should it happen again. I don’t think it’s practical to forgive and forget, which is what the offender would want more than anything. I think they are asking too much.

woodcutter's avatar

Also it will depend on the drunk. If a person is drunk regularly what they say may not have as much impact. If someone gets too hammered at a Christmas party and spouts off, there will be hell to be paid for that.

flutherother's avatar

What would upset me would be the acting as if nothing had happened. Something clearly has happened and it cannot be resolved if it isn’t acknowledged.

woodcutter's avatar

i don’t buy into the excuse of “it was the booze talking last night” Nope, booze can’t speak but they who have been controlling what they’ve been thinking or feeling until the booze takes away their inhibitions do. These people are so busted and will do best by not digging the hole they are in deeper. This can be so damaging.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Things get blown wildly out of proportion when people get drunk. However, there are times when they may say something telling that they would have kept secret otherwise…...

Likeradar's avatar

I think it’s generally partially true, but it’s far from the whole story. Alcohol can make small seeds of anger into huge deals and generalizations, and cause a person to forget the good stuff.

An example can be a drunken roommate freaking out over dishes left in the sink (or whatever) and that turns into calling the other person a selfish asshole, forgetting the all the great things that causes the drunk person to usually let it go.

Mikewlf337's avatar

The hurt that comes with something that someone says can be devastating. Especially if it is from someone you care about. Just saying that “the booze was talking” isn’t going to fix anything. If someone said something extremely hurtful to me they will have alot of mending to do. That’s if mending is even possible. Forgiveness is obtainable but forgeting about it will never happen.

Lee_27's avatar

@Mikewlf337 I completly agree with you. Heres the thing he has not apologized for anything, and this is not a one time incident either so its really hard to pretend things are ok. The only thing he would even say about it at all was I guess I need to stop drinking liquor.

lloydbird's avatar

Truth will out.
And alcohol seems to facilitate this.
Or at least it’s telling.

janedelila's avatar

I lived for 10 years with a man who would drink daily, and at some point around year six, would drink whiskey and tell me all about what a crummy person I am. I banned whiskey. So he started drinking more beer and took up smoking pot. I was a terrible parent (to his kids, not mine. While he laid around and did nothing for them), I was no good at sex, I was a rotten housekeeper, and a dirty whore. And the next day….like nothing happened. Or a giggling “Sorry, baby”. Those things are like splinters that fester, and rot, and one day you got you an armful of splinters. I find that the things said in that state of mind are the things that person really feels but does not have the guts to say it to you sober. Or maybe the brains. I got mad enough to leave after the physical abuse started. And a few years later, here I am in my own house. He is gone.

faye's avatar

I don’t have a theory as to why- his own parallel world, maybe- but I can tell you it won’t get better and the hurt never goes away. And that’s possibly because the tirades were so undeserved. Your husband has to stop drinking so much or you have to accept that this will happen every time.

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