Social Question

starboyg's avatar

I'm almost 20, she's almost 18. I'm a college freshman, she's a high school junior. Thoughts?

Asked by starboyg (201points) February 8th, 2011

I’ve known this girl for a while although we’ve never been really good friends, just acquaintances while I was in high school. We’ve been talking a lot lately, and things have been going good. She’s not the average high school girl (catty, dramatic, immature).
I personally think if we were to date, things would probably be good between us compatibility wise. I’m just afraid of being tied back down to high school stuff, and the possibility of a long distance relationship if I go away to college in the fall. Also, the “I’m in college, and I’m dating a junior/senior” thing.
Any advice would be helpful.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

27 Answers

everephebe's avatar

Carpe diem?

weasy's avatar

This is something a lot of people wonder about.. you know..I believe that age is only a number. It seems like you are really interested in this girl. If shes mature, why not try? and if it doesnt work, at least you will know, because you have tried. I always tell my self..I would rather hurt, than never love at all. Maybe yoy guys fall so hard for eachother, that the distance wont even be a problem.
I say..go for this girl makes you geel like you are flying…give her a chance..everybody deserves a chance at love :)

jerv's avatar

Long distance relationships are hard at any age, so that right there raises a red flag. I see no problem with your relative ages, but I do see a small problem with young, energetic people possibly lacking the patience to make the long distance thing work.

I’d say give it a try anyways though.

Austinlad's avatar

When you’re almost 100, she’ll be almost 98. Not much of an age gap. Go for it.

Scooby's avatar

Just go for it, you’re only young & stupid once & here’s the perfect song to serenade her with if she knocks you back ;-)

Odysseus's avatar

@starboyg I was 21 when I met the most amazing 17 year old who knocked me off my feet. (&We lived in different countries)
12 Years of marriage so far so good.
Go for it bro.
Now we sit on back porch listin 2
Do you remember

bunnygrl's avatar

When I met hubby I was 18 and he was 20, we’ll celebrate our 27th wedding aniversary this year. If you like this girl, and she likes you, life is too short to miss chances you might later regret missing sweetheart. As for others teasing you about the age difference, tell them to mind their own beeswax and put it down to jealousy. Wishing you both all good things and mountains of happiness.
hugs honey xx

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Why don’t you just ask her out and see for yourself? ;)

tedd's avatar

I started dating an 18 year old High School Senior when I was a 23 year old College Senior. We dated into her Sophomore year of college.

Your age gap is barely noticeable. In fact I have friends with that age gap and similar situations, that are now married.

BarnacleBill's avatar

The age gap itself is not an issue, but socially there might be some concerns. I dated a high school senior when I was a freshman in college, and was surprised at the difference being out from under the structure of high school made.

As a parent, I would not have chosen to have my daughter date someone who was older, however, when she was 17 she started college and dated someone 5 years older. The relationship lasted 3 years; the age difference was more of a problem for his friends than for them.

Sandman's avatar

Just watch out for the potential harships of a long distance relationship, they can be strenuous at best and downright painful at worst. Otherwise, I don’t see why anyone is going to judge you in the slightest.

kevbo's avatar

I had a great summer after my junior year in college dating a girl who had just graduated from high school. When fall came, she started college in Texas and I went back to school in Indiana. We kept up
conversation, letters, and e-mail (because this was 1994), but she moved on rather easily (and understandably) with her college experience and basically exited our relationship. For her it was the natural next step, but I wasn’t ready and was heartbroken for a long time afterward.

The other thing I’ll say is that you might want to think about priorities in your life. No matter what choices you make, you’ll be living with yourself the longest and will be subject to your own judgments far more than anyone else’s. What I mean by this is that you can put your goals and aspirations first and trust secondly that you’ll find a relationship that supports/doesn’t interfere with them, or you can put things like a relationship first and work within that context to realize the other things in life that are important to you. So, for example, you can start this relationship and potentially have your energy invested in two different places or decide that your college experience should be your focus and work to find a relationship in that context.

I’m not saying one is better than the other, and really the decision is pretty automatic for all but the most ambitious of people in your shoes (in favor of throwing caution to the wind and dating the girl). My point is hopefully to elucidate what your choices can mean, and that it is possible to put your goals and aspirations at the center and have relationship opportunities appear that require less compromise than you’d find otherwise.

My 20s were a very volatile time socially with many people entering and exiting my life. Were I to do it again, I’d give more weight to developing my interests/focus and seeking people who shared and supported them.

Just MHO.

tedd's avatar

@kevbo Girls are bitches like that man… I feel ya.

marinelife's avatar

I think you should go ahead and ask her out just don’t invest a lot of yourself into it because of the pitfalls.

College is a time of great change. Couple that with long distance and you have a recipe for a short relationship.

john65pennington's avatar

Most long distance relationships never succeed. There is too much distance for one or the other person to cheat.

Your situation is not new. I was in the same boat and it did not work out.

I can only tell you that “nothing ventured is nothing gained”. Give it a shot.

You may have better luck, than I did.

wundayatta's avatar

Your question makes it seem like you are overly concerned with what other people think about this. You don’t want to get into high school drama and seem to be concerned with having to deal with other stuff related to the difference in your ages. As other people have said, this relationship, should she agree to be in it, is unlikely to survive once it goes long distance.

If you want to have a few month thing, without really investing too much in it, but just passing the time pleasantly, then you might do it, I suppose. If you’re friends, I can see doing that. But if your feelings might get more serious, or if you want to have sex with her, then I think I would stay away from that.

Also, since you seem to be able to control yourself about this, it sounds to me like it wouldn’t be a very powerful thing. Certainly not worth dealing with all the social shit you might get. I’d keep it to a friendship and leave it at that.

glenjamin's avatar

I dated a girl who was a senior in HS while I was a freshman in college. I didn’t find anything wrong with it, and neither did my friends. At the same time I never got involved in her high school life. Granted, things didn’t work out but it wasn’t because of the difference in schools. As for the long distance thing, that can be hard especially when you’re young and there’s so many ‘distractions.’ Take a chance if you have feelings for her, if it works out, great if not, there are plenty of ‘fish in the sea’.

blueiiznh's avatar

Don’t let this stop you. Go with your feelings. Whatever happens will work itself out.
This is not a red flag to me.
I did the same thing when I was 20. She was a senior in HS.
I was away at college too. No biggy.
When I graduated, she was in college. No Biggy.
When I was recruited and hired by a firm in a city 1400 miles away and moved, No Biggy

The relationship is what you make of it in all kinds of situations. Thats dealing with life on lifes terms.
Stop Whining. Enjoy what you have to the fullest.

harple's avatar

Go for it, then in 10, 20, 30 years time, when some young man asks the same question on whatever media it is we use in those days, you will have your own experience to draw upon.

Kardamom's avatar

Don’t puposefully go into a relationship knowing that it will be a long distance thing. Unless you already involved a fairly long-time relationship with a good solid commitment, then don’t do it. You would be getting together, then not being together. Talking on the phone and texting and skyping are not the same thing as having a real relationsip, you will be creating an “image relationship.” Ultimately one or both of you will get lonely and usually that is the beginning of someone choosing to cheat or breaking up.

If, when this girl is out of high school and she happens to be living in the same city that you are, or if you end up back in your home town, then it would probably work out much better.

Also, the fact that you are worried about being dragged back into the high school thing says that you are not really willing to be a real part of her life. She IS in high school, so her life is the whole high school thing.

Go away to school and try to find someone that you like to date there. If and when you come back (permanently) to your home town, then, if you still like her, you can date her then.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I just realized…when my husband was 20 I was…. uh…13!

Sunny2's avatar

I think that the person you are today will be a different person when you are 10 years older. So will your girl friend. The ‘legal’ definition of adulthood is not the same as being an adult. There’s no problem with being friends. There’s no need to make a commitment. Live your lives as you each grow into the adult you will be. Stay in touch; be a true friend. You may still be sharing when you’re twenty five. . . or not. Just be realistic. Enjoy the relationship for what it is. Respect each other and be honest.

12Oaks's avatar

Seems 20 is a couple years late to start college, assuming you’re a Freshman from enrollment and not flunking.

12Oaks's avatar

@Dutchess I thought you started college at 18, those who decide to take that route, anyway. Of course, I got a call about college and that for my daughter. At the time she was 3. I informed the caller of this, but they still insisted it’s the right time to start the college ball rolling. I figured let’s see how she does one her ABCs first, then we could go from there. The caller was not amused.

starboyg's avatar

I went to a grade between kindergarten and first called t-1, so I was a year behind where I should’ve been.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Lots and lots of kids don’t graduate till they’re 18.

Answer this question




to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther