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surs2010's avatar

Are the friendships over?

Asked by surs2010 (18points) February 12th, 2011

Well, I have two best friends that I went to middle and high school with. After graduation I moved out of the state six hours away and they stayed in town. I would make the effort when I could to visit them and we have still remained close even now that we are in our early twenties. Well back in October, one of them got a new boyfriend and things started to change. The talking and texting on the phone was no longer happening or just would not get answered. This also happens to be a guy that she believed that I had a crush on in high school.
Well on my twenty first birthday back in December I made my trip back to my hometown to see them for the weekend. They knew for weeks that I was coming and on the first night I was there, I had to fight with the friend to come to my dinner because she wanted to keep her boyfriend from getting mad. Then the next night I got totally drunk and said some embarrassing things and she and her boyfriend filmed it. It gets worse by the next day my stomach was upset and everytime I threw up they laughed at me and did nothing to see if I was ok. I had gotten sick on Sunday before I left in the parking lot and they scattered from me, the two friends and the boyfriend. That was my goodbye to them for the weekend.
To make things worse by Monday night, the friend and her boyfriend posted the fifteen minute video of my embarrassing drunken night on Facebook and YouTube which completely humiliated me over the Christmas holidays. I’ve expressed to my two friends to take it down, they claimed they tried but the video is still up. We were all even going to move into an apartment together at some point because I was wanting to move back but I think we all know now that is not going to happen. Its almost been two months now and I’ve tried to let it go by calling them every now and then to say hi but neither of them ever initiate a conversation with me. The two of them are just acting like best friends on their own like I never existed and it’s been killing me. What should I do? Is my friendships over?

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11 Answers

gespect's avatar

i’m sorry to hear about your plight. but it seems they are no longer your friends. sorry, not even remotly. you should let it go and move on but i realize you’re not ready to let go yet. but you seem to understand that there’s a problem. good luck. and they should have taken the video down. they’re not good people and everybody had/has moments trhat they wish didn’t happen. hopefully they heal and remove it. because it, also, sounds like they hve issues of insecurity that they can’t get over. best wishes.

bunnygrl's avatar

edit. reply sent by pm instead.

markferg's avatar

Yes. Done and dusted. Move on.

Judi's avatar

I have a friend that I lost without a real explanation 5 plus years ago. I still mourn the loss of that friendship. I try to tell myself that if she’s so shallow she didnt deserve my friendship, but my heart still aches. I loved her like a sister. I’m sorry for your pain.

BarnacleBill's avatar

Sometimes getting a boyfriend changes girls in a not-positive way. It sounds like this happened in this relationship. One friend got a boyfriend, and the other is tagging along with that. The daily dynamics of the relationship has changed, and because you are not there on a daily basis, you have been excluded from the changes. You only see them periodically, so you only get the changes in chunks, and they are more apparent.

The dynamics of the old relationship are over. Maybe when the boyfriend leaves the picture, it could return, but until then, it sounds like your friends have turned into complete jerks. Videotaping you while drunk and posting it to FB and YouTube is extremely immature and cruel, with the sole purpose of hurting you. Watching people make fools of themselves while intoxicated is mean. There is nothing funny about a drunk.

marinelife's avatar

You need to move on for now. Maybe someday, they will realize how cruel they have been and seek you out, but for now, how come you are willing to grovel while they abuse you?

Get an attorney to write them a letter demanding that they take the video down. (This “I can’t figure out how is bullshit.) Your future livelihood could be affected if an employer were to see it.

Get angry at them! Tell them their behavior sucks.

john65pennington's avatar

Upfront, a friend would never have filmed your intoxicated state and then to place it on Facebook was a childish move on their part. I would have a very hard time even talking to these people again, yet you are still their friend and they are disappearing from you. I think you know the answer. They have other interests and you are not one of their “in crowd”, anymore.

Find new friends. You were looking for friends, when you discovered these two, so go hunting again and forget the booze. You are like myself, I cannot tolerate alcohol, too well.

I was born also in December, so I understand where you are coming from. Sometimes, losing good friends hurts and you do not know why.

6rant6's avatar

Life is long. Who knows what will happen.

But this seems wrong: you demanded your friend go out with you, got wasted the next night – wasted to the point of throwing up a lot the next day, made an ass of yourself while someone was recording and you think THEY are the problem?

Pattijo's avatar

You should stop giving them the power over you , they are no longer your friends and it looks like they really never were your true friends . Put them and the situation behind you and move forward . They are not worth another second of your time . Sadly to say

lemming's avatar

You know you’re worth so much more than this. Friends are supposed to make you feel good. Pease don’t ring them again unless you’re ringing to tell them what shitty people are!! but you really shouldn’t bother

Disc2021's avatar

My question for you is, why would anyone want friends like this, despite how long you guys have known each other?

Whether the friendships are over or not, I would be done with them.

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