General Question

iwamoto's avatar

Why do nice guys finish last?

Asked by iwamoto (5266points) April 15th, 2008

i don’t want to sound like a teenager, but the battlefield of love feels so unfair, why do girls always choose bastards? a lot of times girls i know come crying to me “he cheated on me again”, and i just can’t understand, is it so hard for women to percieve that some guys are just regular a-holes? i can always tell the second i see them, it’s sometimes pretty painfull to say “he’ll cheat on you”, they’ll denie and yet, 2 months later….

meanwhile im stuck here alone, because girls are rather friends with me…

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54 Answers

CameraObscura's avatar

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. That’s one of the most annoying and unattractive qualities a human being can possess. If you’re walking around staring at your shoelaces all the time, of course it’s going to look like nice guys finish last.

iwamoto's avatar

im not feeling sorry for myself, im just very frustrated about it, i don’t let is show, it’s just an anoyance from the inside…

CameraObscura's avatar

What’s bothering you on the inside often manifests itself on the outside. And yes, you are feeling sorry for yourself!

tompouk's avatar

Because they are too nice to take their places. They let people passes before them and then… they are last.

Personnal experiences. oh!

shockvalue's avatar

Damn, it’s too early for a dirty joke. I’ll come back to this one…

eklamor's avatar

Cause girls think they can change guys. The best thing to do is to be there for girls. And remember just cause you like this girl who likes d-bag guys dosent mean youll be alone. A awesome girl will come along and you’ll be happy. Just be patient on this one.

eklamor's avatar

and camera chick. Your mean. He is asking a question and you put him down. Way to be a good person.

shockvalue's avatar

@eklamor: Actually CameraObscura has a point. If you are just feeling sorry for yourself, you aren’t going to get anywhere with your situation. Rather thank thinking “why oh why?” one could take a more progressive approach to the problem. And it’s true: girls find confidence incredibly attractive. It doesn’t mean you have to be a dick, but just have some dignity.

liberty111's avatar

I feel its because as young girls are growing up, they are uncertain of what they really want and are unaware of what they are really getting. No one wants to hear that they are making a wrong chose. Give it time and you will find a girl that deserves you and you deserve. Not all girls want the bad guys. Don’t change who you are. Be true to yourself. When you least expect it a girl will come along that is a great match for you.

kevbo's avatar

You might find some insight here.

Read How to Succeed With Women.

Alina1235's avatar

I always went for the bad boys until I met my husband. He has this very quiet confidence about him that I couldn’t resist. He ended up being such a wonderful man

nikipedia's avatar

Any time you think a problem is the fault of everyone else in the world, an entire gender, or really any large class of people, the problem is probably you. Sorry.

The world is not divided into “nice guys” and “assholes who cheat”. And if you think the only reason women aren’t into you is because you’re “too nice” please try to get some perspective. Women might not be into you because you’re too short, too tall, too skinny, too fat, too self-absorbed, too histrionic, too narcissistic, too liberal, too conservative, too dumb, too smart, too athletic, not athletic enough….

Are you starting to see where I’m going with this?

ljs22's avatar

I generally do not find stereotypically nice guys very attractive. Mostly it is because they don’t engage my mind or make me wonder what they’re about. They don’t seem like a challenge, and I think strong women want an equal. If you truly are nice, you can still win (and we want you to! we just want to be turned on) by holding back a bit, learning to flirt/tease, not being too available/complimentary immediately. It sounds like a game because it is. At least a little. And that isn’t so evil, folks. Isn’t a romantic possibility supposed to make your stomach flip around a tad?

missbabyboo's avatar

welps its more likely because some girls dont really see the true a-holes in guys until they date them..in my girls view, guys will treat you nice and all when they try to get at you..then after once they get them, they show them true selfs and become a-holes and jerks

peedub's avatar

I’m a nice guy. I don’t finish last. Don’t give in and be an asshole like the others. Chances are you will make a girl very happy one day.

scamp's avatar

Good guys may finish last, but he who laughs last, laughs longest. I’ve been through my share of idiots. Now I gave the nice guy a chance, and he is a keeper! Keep your chin up. your time will come.

Allie's avatar

Girls fall for jerks because it’s hard to find a “nice guy” who isn’t already taken or gay. I’m not saying there aren’t any out there, I’m just saying they’re hard to find.

-My grandma always told me that if a man shows you who he is, you should trust him. So if he acts like a jerk, then believe him, he is.
-And there is a border between confidence and cockiness – don’t cross it.
-As people change the qualities they look for in others change too, it’s called growth.
-Even though I tend to be attracted to the jerks now, when I get married, I hope it’s to a nice guy.

iwamoto's avatar

thanks everyone, it’s boosting my confidence a bit, i think i’ll just try my luck next friday

scamp's avatar

What’s happeneing next Friday?

iwamoto's avatar

going out into the city on a friday night…and i have my eye on a girl so i’m gonna see what she’s like and if we’d be compatible

scamp's avatar

Oh. Let us know how it works out for you. If she turns out to be the one for you, I wish you the best of luck. I have a feeling she will be a very lucky girl if she chooses you.

iwamoto's avatar

what makes you think that? for all you know i could be one of the above mentioned bastards ;) but thanks for the confidence, i’ll let you guys know

scamp's avatar

It’s just a hunch I have formed by how you asked the question.

wildflower's avatar

If you didn’t finish last…....how will you get the last laugh??
(oh, and finishing too soon…...not a positive attribute)

peedub's avatar

lol, words of the wise.

scamp's avatar

So, what happened? You never told us how it went.

iwamoto's avatar

well, i haven’t had a chance to strike yet, but i have the patience of a fox…

scamp's avatar

Ah, well let us know when you do. Good luck!

peedub's avatar

Don’t forget, you are IWAMOTO!

iwamoto's avatar

hahaha, ooooh yeah, i am the iwamoto, man of many words..and few deeds

missunderstood's avatar

Here is a quote that i like that might help

Girls/Boys are like apples on trees, the best ones are at the top of the tree, The boys/girls dont want to reach for becuase their afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead they get the rotten apples from the ground that arent as good but easy. So the apples up top think theres something wrong with them, when in reality their amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy/girl to come along, the one whos brave enough to climb alll the way up to the top of the tree.

Allie's avatar

missunderstood: Aww! That’s so cute. <3

sereneadage's avatar

Everything dark and light, good and bad, right and wrong. Games, eyes, seduction, tug and pull. Something that makes your blood race and your face flush. Love, hate, tears, smiles. Aggression and passion. Fight. Understanding.

Standards, expectations. Complications. Faux pas relationships. self indulgence, thoughtless behavior. No respect. For self. We worry about trying to please others way too much. Live for yourself and live with others living for themselves. Connections will flare, smiles will ignite. Be confident. Be positive. Be sure of yourself and everything else will fall into place.

You won’t fall first or last but together.

baseballnut's avatar

At different stages of female evolution, women are hardwired to be attracted to “bad guys” and – if we’re lucky, “safe bad guys”. Most women get past this – sometimes early in life and sometimes WAY too late, but once you’re over the bad guy thing, most sensible women lean toward good guys for the long run. Keep searching for somebody who likes wha tyou have to offer

chatnoir's avatar

They don’t.

La_chica_gomela's avatar

I hate it when guys ask me this. I don’t know what guy first thought this up as a way to deny that their problems were their own fault, but it’s simply not true. “Nice guys” do not always finish last. “Good girls” do not always choose “bad boys”. “Girls” do not always choose “bastards”.

If you really think that all your female friends do fit the description you gave, then it sounds like they all have really low self-esteem. Maybe you should think about why you’re friends with them.

I’m sick of all these excuses about why girls choose jerks.
The smart ones of us DON’T! And I like to think that most girls are smart.

scamp's avatar

@La_chica_gomela You sound pretty angry. Have your boyfriends all been Prince Charmings, or is there something you’d like to discuss?

wildflower's avatar

Does it really matter what the good girls choose? After all, they only go to heaven while bad girls go everywhere, right ;)

La_chica_gomela's avatar

well scamp, i actually just did discuss what i’d like to discuss.

my boyfriends haven’t all been perfect. but when i reject a male acquaintance, they say “nice guys finish last”. i resent the face that they assume theyre nicer than my boyfriend. they’re not.

scamp's avatar

I see. Thanks for clearing that up.

kevbo's avatar

In addition to the above, most men and women mellow with age. If you can’t find a girl your age who is looking for a nice guy, then go after older women for a while.

lovelylady319's avatar

scamp I thought the same thing about la chica’s response… I feel sorry for her…

lovelylady319's avatar

I have my prince charming, and he wasn’t a bad guy… and I am still spoiled by him. we have been married now for almost 4 years and it just keeps getting better and better all the time.

La_chica_gomela's avatar

lovely, if you feel sorry for me, you should read my answers to almost the same question asked here

There’s no need to feel sorry for me because a lot of dudes ask me out, and then get upset when I turn them down. Really.

Response moderated
Fieryspoon's avatar

In my experience, this kept happening until I was 24ish. Then I started finishing first!

It’s a confidence thing. Jerks are confidently jerky. Everyone digs that. Nice guys are usually so neutral about stuff, that they just don’t make enough of an impression to be even noticed. Then, if they do happen to get noticed, they usually blow it, because they can’t believe their “luck”.

Personally, I was able to learn how to be confident via another route. I still waver from time to time, but overall, I’m a pretty confident dude :)

Response moderated
BigRed's avatar

that is messed up, u cant take my oppinion off this. that is against the 1st amendment!!!

La_chica_gomela's avatar

Fluther isn’t the government. Perhaps you should read the Guidelines

ljs22's avatar

Excellent Jezebel link on the subject.

Response moderated

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